


The Blurred Line Between Family And Friends

by prosfan



Series: Family Matters [3]
Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: AU, Gen, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-06 07:59:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 54,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4214157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prosfan/pseuds/prosfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robbie simply minding Sam for an afternoon, gives him cause to worry about James. And a phone call from Innocent, soon lets Robbie, James and Sam know, that they are in trouble again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to 'Who Says You Can't Choose Your Family' and 'Friends Are The Family We Choose For Ourselves' and the third fic in the 'Family Matters' series.

Its February the 12th, and its been three months since Carson was arrested for conspiracy to commit fraud and the attempted murder of James Hathaway. James and Lewis have been keeping touch regularly, phoning and emailing each other. They've even met up a few times, although Robbie's been spending a lot of time in Manchester, and Sam has started school, so its not happened often. Lewis has always said that he'll have Sam after school if needs be, that he'd like to. There had been one day where James had known that he'd get out of work late and asked for Robbie's help, but only one. Hathaway had been ridiculously apologetic on the phone, despite all of Robbie's insistences that it was hardly a chore, and that he liked looking after the little boy. Eventually, he'd convinced James that he really didn't mind, and James had only been an hour late home for his work anyway.

 

So it was that he wasn't annoyed when James phoned him that morning.

"Robbie?"

"James, how are you lad, how's Sammy?"

"Great, he's great...Just about to take him to school. Last day before half term. There's one little problem though."

"Oh aye, anything I can do to help?"

"Could you pick him up at half three? Only if its not too much trouble that is."

"Course not James. It'll be nice to see him."

"Thank you" James said gratefully as he started to explain. "Its just, I completely forgot that I had a doctor's appointment at half three today, and there's no way I'd get there in time...or be able to reschedule the appointment. I should be back by 5. At the very latest. Not that I need to have one anyway..." That last bit was muttered almost rebelliously and Lewis smiled.

"No worries lad, I'll be there, just remember to tell Sam to look for me in the playground eh?"

"Thanks Robbie."

"See ya later Jim....What's the appointment for anyhow?" He asked nonchalantly, disguising his concern, or trying to anyway.

"Nothing to worry about, just a check up on my knee. They'll poke and prod it for a couple of hours, give me painkillers and send me home. Waste of time really."

"As long as you're sure. I'll see you this evening"

 

**********************************************************

 

At twenty-five minutes past three, Robbie was waiting in the school playground for Sam. Its a bitter sweet feeling. He loves this kid like his own son. But that's just it. Sam isn't his son. When his son was that age, he was too busy at work, chasing after dangerous men, or doing tedious paperwork. He regrets it deeply, more than Ken will probably ever know. He's stopped from his melancholy thoughts as he sees Sam walk out of the front door. The little boy looks around in confusion for a short time: Robbie realises that Sam is used to his Dad being a head over the other parents. Soon though, he spots Robbie and grins, running towards him.

"Unca Robbie! Why you here?"

"Come to pick you up lad. Good day at school?"

"Yeah...Where's Daddy?" Robbie took Sam's hand as they headed out of the gate.

"He's gone to the hospital."

"Why? Was it nasty men? Did he ate something bad" Sam starts to look panicked and he clutches Lewis' hand tighter. Lewis can only surmise that James never actually told Sam why he wouldn't be able to pick him up. Probably didn't want to send him to school worrying about his Dad being in the hospital.

"He's fine. Dad's just gone for a check up on his knee." He smiles down at the kid, but there's still a frown on Sam's face. "I promise kidda, just a check up to see how its doing."

"He's def'nately coming home tonight?"

"Aye. Definitely. Promise. Now, what's that you're holding eh?" Robbie points down to a piece of paper that Sam is clutching. The little boy grins as he starts to explain his drawing to Robbie, pointing out all the people and who they are. Lewis needs the guide. Sam drawing skills aren't yet all that developed. Although there is a distinctly blonde looking blob that is obviously Hathaway. If that hadn't given it away, the fact that this blob was taller than all the rest, would have.

 

**********************************************************

 

Once they get in, Robbie makes himself a cup of tea, and hands Sam a glass of milk as the youngster chats about school. He seems happy enough and he's eager to show Robbie how he can write his name.

"That's good lad. That's very good, you've done it much better than I did at your age." Sam smiles at him. "What did your Dad say?"

"Daddy said he was proud. An' then we read a story." Lewis can imagine the smile on James' face when Sam had shown him his first written words. Its pretty similar to the smile Sam is wearing now.

"I bet he was proud kidda. Come on, what do you say we go and put the pizza's in the oven eh?" It's ten to five and James is due back soon. He's probably not going to want to cook, and Robbie doesn't mind feeding Sam. He sticks three pizzas in the oven, whether James wants to cook or not, he's probably going to be hungry.

 

Robbie has just dished up the pizzas when the doorbell rings.

"I get it! Its Daddy!" Sam runs to the door, and Robbie chuckles as he hears the kid run down the hallway. He mentally counts down to five and waits for the inevitable shout;

"Unca Robbie, I can't reach'a lock." Robbie goes down the hall and opens the door. He isn't expecting James to be leaning against the door frame. The younger man is grey and the smile on his face is forced.

"Hello mate" James says, as he reaches down to ruffle his son's hair.  
"Hello Daddy. You just in time for pizza."

"Great, lead on little man." Sam runs to the kitchen and James follows slowly. Once he gets over the threshold, he grabs at the wall, supporting himself.

"James? You ok?" Hathaway nods tightly and waves a hand dismissively at Robbie.

"M'fine. Knee just hurts a bit."

"I can see that," Robbie mutters. "However, it looks like more than- Wait, did you walk home?"

"No. I got a taxi from the hospital." Robbie frowns. If James got a taxi, it means that the short walk from the kerb to his door has left him in obvious pain.

"What did the doctor's do to you lad? You said it was only a check up." James winced as he let Robbie help him down the hallway.

"Was a check up. They've been poking and prodding it for three hours, its just inflamed." That may well be true, but the fact of the matter is that James can hardly walk. Robbie knows that the man doesn't have his crutches any more, so that's going to be hard for him too. They get James settled on the dining room chair as Sam starts to tell him about his day.

 

**********************************************************

 

Robbie keeps an eye on James throughout the evening, and it becomes clear that the pain isn't abating. Hathaway of course is ignoring it, letting Sam climb up onto his lap, and thinking that Robbie doesn't see the way his knuckles go white as he grips the table edge.

"Didn't the hospital give you some pain killers or something lad? They must have known that you'd be in pain."

"They did give me some. In my jacket." Robbie tuts remonstratively and heads to the hallway fishing the tablets out of James' jacket pocket.

"Robbie..."

"James. Just take them please, this is painful to watch lad."

"I can't."

"It doesn't make you weak to take prescribed painkillers for gods sake man!" Robbie says, thinking he knows what the problem is.

"Its not that. I can't take them. They knock me out."

"That's the idea."

"Can't look after Sam if I'm spark out in bed can I?" Lewis has to fight from rolling his eyes. He should have realised that it'd be something like that.

"Well take some paracetamol then. James, I can see how much you need it." James starts to look stubborn and Robbie takes over. "Come on Sam kidda, get off your Dad now eh?" Sam nods and scrambles off James' lap, eliciting a hiss out of the younger man.

"Paracetamol doesn't touch it, never has."

"How many check ups have you had?"

"Two. Three counting this one." James grunts in pain a little and Robbie sighs. "Last one was just before you came to help decorate." Robbie nods.

"That was the one where they told you that it was permanently buggered wasn't it?" This elicits a smirk from James.

"Not sure that was the term they used, but yeah, that was the basic gist."

"Well, if they know that it's not going to get better, why do they need to keep poking it and causing you pain?" He holds up a hand to silence James' protestations. "Don't even bother James, its written all over your face."

"They need to check that it's not getting worse." That makes Lewis think a little and he stands up decidedly.

"Well, it will if you refuse to take painkillers and then move it unnaturally to compensate. Come on, I'm driving you home."

"Robbie no, we'll get a taxi-"

"-I'm driving you home, then you are going to take that bloody pill"

"- But, Sam"

"I'll stay and look after him. James you're useless to him like this anyway, you couldn't get to him if he needed help as it is. At least be pain free and useless." Robbie thinks that James is about to argue, but in the end he laughs slightly.

"Well, can't really argue with that now can I?"

 

**********************************************************

 

Half an hour later, they are at James' house, fully decorated now, and looking very lived in. James smiles apologetically through his pained expression gesturing to the toys strewn about the living room.

"In a bit of a rush this morning." Sam runs in and picks up a toy plane, landing it by Robbie's foot.

"Not tidied it up Unca Robbie. Cos the city is still going while I'm at school." Robbie smiles.

"Course it is kidda." He looks up to see James, sat on the sofa, head back and teeth clenched. He looked at his watch, it was only ten past eight, but James looked like he could really do with some sleep.

"Come on James, pills and bed."

"M'not a kid."

"Never said you were. But still, painkillers, nightmare pills if you're still taking them, and bed." James nods reluctantly and hobbles into the kitchen to grab the pills he needs to take.

"How fast do they work Jim," James shrugs as he fills glass of water and prepares to swallow them, after checking the boxes for interactions. "Hang on mate, I think you should take 'em in bed, otherwise you might conk out halfway up the stairs." Seeing he sense in this, James heads up to his room. Its a testament to how much pain he's in, that he doesn't try and get Sam ready for bed. The little boy is a bit hyper though, so Robbie doesn't think he'll go to sleep straight away anyway.

"Right Sammy, how about we clean up a little while Dad gets himself sorted eh? Then you can go and say good night to him."

"Can you read me a bedtime story?"

"Yeah go on then, if you help clean up."

"But can you read it when I all snuggly in bed?"

"Of course I can Sam." The two of them pick up all the cars and put them in Sam's toy-box, that is kept by the side of the sofa. Robbie reasons that they've given Hathaway enough time to get himself sorted out and he carries Sam upstairs. Once they get into James' bedroom, its clear that James has taken the pills. He's already half asleep, and he doesn't look like he's in pain. Sam climbs up onto the bed and puts a hand on James' shoulder.

"Sleep now Daddy. See you in'a morning." Robbie smiles as he imagines James saying that to Sam every night. Sam lays his head down on James chest and tries to wrap his arms around James neck at an impossible angle. James brings his arm up to put it over Sam and smiles sleepily.

"N'night S'mmy" The drug is clearly working, James is asleep in minutes. Robbie gently pulls Sam off and James immediately curls onto his side. Sam looks ready to drop as well, so Robbie gets him ready for bed. Once Sam is ready, he gets into bed. Lewis is already sitting up at the headboard, and the boy snuggles into him. He can tell that the kid feels uneasy so, Robbie puts his arm around him as he holds the book. Sam frowns before he starts reading and wriggles out from the covers, running over to the armchair that James has clearly put there for his own use, it dwarfs Sam. When he turns back to Robbie, he can see that Sam is now clutching Fluffy and he smiles at the boy.

"Away lad, are we gonna read this or not?"

"Yeah! But Fluffy wanted to hear too. He missed you Unca Robbie."

"Ah well, I've missed him as well. And you kidda." Robbie reads Sam the story, trying not to dwell on how ridiculous the plot line was, it'd never stand up in court. When he's finished, Sam is still awake and he looks sad.

"Right lad, what's wrong?" Sam turns his head into his pillow and mumbles quietly.

"Nothin' wrong. Just sleepy" Its not true, and Robbie knows it. He picks Sam up and settles in the armchair, the boy curled up on him, with his arm almost squeezing the stuffing out of the stuffed toy. Robbie pulls Sam's comfort blanket over to him, and carefully lays it over the little boy on his lap, enveloping him in blanketed hug.

"Sam lad, what's wrong? You can tell me, I don't like seeing you looking sad. Your Dad doesn't either."

"Daddy won't know, the medicine maked him all asleep." Sam mumbles into Lewis' ribs

"That's true, but he'll still not want you to be sad." The child doesn't answer for a little while, burying his hand in Robbie's shirt and curling up even smaller than before. When he does speak, his voice is small and quiet.

"Wanted a'stay at your house Unca Robbie. Not here."

"Why Sam?" Robbie frowns, its not a good sign when a child doesn't want to sleep in their own house. He knows immediately that its not anything to do with how he's treated, James is a loving father. But something is obviously upsetting him.

"Your house might fix Daddy. Cos you there an' then you can fix him." Robbie's heart sinks, this is only going to upset him, and its clearly not making Sammy happy.

"Why does Daddy need fixing Sammy? His knee will be feel better tomorrow you know?"

"I know. An' the doctor sayed Daddy's knee not gonna be fixed anyway." He looks up at Robbie and then shifts so that he can hold onto Robbie's hand. "It not Daddy's knee that's brokened." Lewis almost misses the words and he moves Sam so that he's sitting on his lap properly, blanket still wrapped around him.

"What is wrong with him Sammy? Come on, you can tell me, maybe I can fix it eh?" There's silence for a short while before Sam speaks.

"Daddy not sleeping again. He having nightmares all the time and he can't sleep. An' he telled me not to worry, but then he screamin' an' I worry anyway an' I can't fix it. " Sam has tears in his eyes and Robbie sighs softly. He knew it'd be too good to be true. James having nightmares again is not a good sign at all.

"Is he still taking his pills Sam?" Robbie doesn't like to ask the boy questions like this, but he needs to know. Sam nods.

"I maked him show me. Ev'ry evening. We both take our tablets. 'Cept mine is vitamins not medicine." Robbie smiles at this, he can imagine Sam stubbornly insisting that James lets him see that he's taking his medication.

"That's good then. Well don't worry, Daddy had some very special strong tablets today, so he won't dream tonight. He'll get a good nights sleep ok?" A _nd so will you bonny lad, you haven't been have you?_ The little boy nods and climbs into his bed, settling without fuss and falling asleep, soon after Robbie kisses his forehead, like he knows James does every night.

 

**********************************************************

 

As he lies in James' spare bedroom, his mind is in a whirl. Its is all kinds of not good that James is having nightmares again, Robbie has seen him after some and they must be draining him. What is doubly not good is that he's having nightmares and he's _still_ taking the medication, which means that it's stopped working.

 

What is also very not good, is that Sam is left to deal with it. Oh, Robbie has no doubts, that James is doing everything he can to hide it from the young boy and to reassure him, but its clearly not working. Sam is all to aware of what's going on and he's young, scared and doesn't know what to do to help his Dad.

 

As he falls asleep, he resolves that he's going to stick around tomorrow and try and help sort it out. The questions is, will James let him?


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Robbie goes downstairs to find James awake and cooking omelettes. Robbie's pleased to see that James is walking around, he may be limping a little, but he's able to walk which is a significant improvement on yesterday. He doesn't seem to have any hangover-like side effects from the painkiller which is good, it'd upset him if he did.

"Morning Jim, have a good sleep?" he asks as he looks about.

"Yeah, best sleep I've had in ages." Robbie raises his eyebrow but doesn't say anything. James doesn't know that he is aware of the recurrence of his nightmares.

"Glad to hear it." Robbie glances at his watch, its already half past nine. "No Sam yet then?"

"Nah." James grins. "We'll know about it when he appears though."

"Oh, how's that?"

"You haven't looked outside yet have you?" James has a look of childish delight on his face. Before Robbie has a chance to answer Sam comes barrelling into the room, still in his pyjamas and grinning from ear to ear.

"Daaadddddyyy! It snowing! Look...Unca Robbie come an' look!" Sam drags Robbie over to the living room window and points excitedly out of the windows. Sure enough, the ground is coated in about 4 inches of powdery snow and everything is bright white.

"So it is kidda."

"Can we go outside to the park Daddy? In the snow? An' make a snowman an' have a snowball fight? Pleeeease?" James looks down fondly at his son, a smile on his face.

"Oh I dunno." Sam runs back to the window and presses his hands against it.

"Pleeeeeeeease? Unca Robbie?" Robbie spreads his hands wide.

"Up to your Dad son." Sam turns to James and the ex-sergeant can't keep it going any more.

"Ok then, after breakfast, we can go out in the snow"

"Yeah!"

 

**************************************************

 

Unsurprisingly, Sam eats his breakfast and gets dressed in record time. After a brief argument with James about having to wear gloves and a hat and scarf, they are soon trudging down the road. James had dug out an old sledge from the shed, and Robbie was carrying it as Sam ran up and down the street ahead of James and himself.

Strangely there weren't that many people at the park. Not that James minded, it was nice to have some quiet. Apart from Sam's happy squeals. They find an area of relatively untouched snow and Sam stamps around in it, making foot prints. He then starts to try and fit his feet into Lewis and Hathaway's prints, before telling he both that they have giant feet. James' response is to grab Sam and chuck him up in the air.

"You should be glad I'm tall little man...how else would you be able to fly like this eh?"

"Unca Robbie could do it." Robbie away a little, spreading his arms again, like he had back in the house.

"Oh no, Uncle Robbie is too old for those games now Sam."

"How old _are_ you?"

"Never you mind!" Robbie says, as James looks away, a smirk on his face.

 

Before long Sam is pestering them to go on the sledge and they make their way up the hill. Once they get to the top, James takes the sledge off of Robbie. Sam grabs James' hand and pulls him over to the peak of the hill.

"Come on Daddy! We goin' down a'hill."

"Are we?"

"Yes. How fast we gonna go? Eleven hundred?" Robbie chuckles as James tries to decipher exactly how fast 'Eleven hundred' would be, which would admittedly be easier if he had any idea what unit Sam was working in.

"Not quite that fast mate."

"But still reeeeally fast?"

"Oh yeah, come on." Robbie shakes his head fondly as James folds himself onto the sledge with some difficulty. Its one of those plastic things, that's shaped a bit like a boat. They evidently weren't designed for people that were six-foot-three and mostly legs. Sam scrambles in and sits in the gap James has created for him, before grabbing the rope at the front.

"Ready little man?"

"Yeah!"

"I'll meet you at the bottom then." Robbie says as James twists around and salutes him. Sam copies his father and Robbie can't help but laugh. "Daft sods."

James pushes the sledge to the very top of the hill and on Sam's shout, he launches them off. Robbie makes his slow way down the hill, he's not stupid. If its icy enough to propel a grown man and his son down a hill, its slippery enough for him to fall over and break a bone. He also knows, from years of post mortems and lectures from Laura, that as you get older, your bones heal less efficiently. Lewis has no desire for a broken bone. Aside from that, he's not going to be any help to James with a leg in plaster, he hasn't forgotten what Sam told him last night. He still needs to find a way to stick around tonight.

 

As it turns out, one presents itself anyway.

 

**************************************************

 

They get back home and James immediately leads Sam into the bathroom to get him out of his wet clothes and when they return, Sam is dressed in some tracksuit bottoms and a t shirt. Sam runs to his room, and when he comes back, he is clutching is comfort blanket and climbing up onto the sofa, looking for the TV remote.

"Unca Robbie, come an' watch cartoons wi'me please."

"Hang on kidda, let me finish making me and your Dad a cuppa ok. Then I'll be right with you." Satisfied, Sam turn the telly on and tries to find the cartoons. Before he finds the though, he gets distracted by Fireman Sam.

Lewis hands James a cup of tea, and James nods his thanks as his mobile rings. Robbie settles on the sofa with Sam and tries to immerse him self in the world of Pontypandy. As far as he can make out, one child has got a saucepan stuck on his head after pretending to be Lancelot, and a pair of twins (one of whom is called James, which Robbie finds funnier than he should) have managed to break a water pipe looking for a café owner's keys with a metal detector. Still, Sam seems to be enjoying it.

"I'm gonna be Fireman Sam when I older Unca Robbie. An' I gonna drive a big red fire engine like that. With sirens and it goes really fast."

"Well you make sure you work hard at school then laddie. And keep eating your veg. Fireman have to be very strong."

"I know. They need'a be able to pick people up on their shoulders out of the fire." Sam pauses for a few minutes and then looks up at Robbie. " Do policemen need'a put people on their shoulders, did you have'a do it when you was a policemen?" James re enters the room, and Robbie answers carefully.

"Aye I did once or twice Sammy, but its more of a fire fighter's job." James sits down on the other side of Sam, ruffling the boy's hair.

"Again? Sam you've seen this one before."

"I like it. Silly Norman gets a pan on his head and they need put washing up liquid on it." James shrugs and turns to Robbie, satisfied that the next episode will keep Sam occupied.

"That was Innocent on the phone. She's coming over."  
"Oh aye, that'll be nice." James doesn't seem convinced.

"Will it? Well, it'll be nice to see her, but she didn't sound happy. I think there's a problem."

"You don't know that kidda, she could just be having a bad day." James shakes his head.

"She asked if you were here Robbie, before I told her you were. Which either means that its to do with you as well, or she doesn't want me to be alone. Neither of which are very comforting thoughts."

"Ah well, what'll be will be mate. No point worrying till we have to. When is Jean coming over?"

"Soon she said. I should probably get on lunch or something."

"Pasta?" Lewis says cheekily, since its some thing that they always seem to cook when ever they meet up. Robbie would never admit it, but James' tastes better, despite what Sam says.

"Pasta" James agrees with a smirk and sets off into the kitchen to make it. A small part of Robbie wonders if the younger man will be ok, left to brood on his own as he cooks. But he reasons that James will brood anyway, whether in company or not, and if Robbie doesn't leave him alone sometimes, James will start to get annoyed.

 

Innocent arrives while they are eating. She looks grim, and Robbie offers her lunch, which she politely declines, having eaten before she came over. Neither of hem have failed to notice that James is almost twitchy and he's clearly worried about what ever she has to tell them. Robbie is too, he's just better at hiding it. Sam seems to be the only one that isn't bothered by any of it. But then again he's the only one that isn't aware that there's anything going on.

"I'm glad you're hear Robbie, this concerns you as well." Lewis raised an eyebrow and James stayed quiet, clearly just waiting for whatever was coming.

"Oh yeah? Well, put us out of our misery Jean, what's going on?" Jean sighed and looked over at Sam, happily absorbed in yet another episode of Fireman Sam.

"Calvin Harper." She says and James frowns. Robbie thinks back a little, trying to put a face to the name. Suddenly he gets it.

"Martin Harper's father?"

"What about him." James growls, angry despite the unease in his eyes.

"He's being released from prison"

"What?!" James is on his feet in seconds, apparently unaware of the aggressive stance that he's taken up. Unaware that is, until his knee lets him know exactly what it thinks of his movement. " _Shit_. How?"

"Something to do with a technicality. They were vague about it."

"I don't believe it. He can't...Robbie, he can't be out can he?" Lewis wishes that he could sit there and tell James that its was all fine and it was a mistake. He can't though, he can see on Innocent's face that this is definitely happening.

"Jim, sit down lad....James!" He adds when Hathaway doesn't move. James sits down again, all the aggression gone, replace with confusion and apprehension. The younger man looks over to his son and speaks quietly.

"He's going to come for Sam again isn't he? Fuck."

"We don't know that James. He'll know that if he come anywhere near you-"

"-Or you Robbie," Innocent points out. Robbie shakes his head.

"He left me out of it last time." James interrupts him.

"Yeah but then you stopped him and called...called the ambulance for me. So he'll probably have something against you too. When? When is he out?" That last bit was directed at Jean.

"I don't know, they didn't tell me. Soon though. Apparently he has a right to confidentiality-"

"-Balls to that! Rights? He doesn't deserve them! He fucking paralysed me!" Hathaway shouts, banging his fist on the table. Sam looks up sharply from where he is playing on the floor, and then shrinks back a little as he registers the look on James face.

"Jim...stop it."

"Stop it? That fucking bastard is-"

"-James! You're scaring the bairn. Stop." James looks over at Sam and immediately, his anger deflates.

"Daddy?" Sam asks carefully, unsure what is going on, aware only that its bad. James walks over to Sam and sits on the sofa with him. They talk quietly, and soon, Sam is driving toy car over James' leg and looking a little bit happier. Innocent turns to Robbie.

"I think you're going to have to watch him." she says quietly. "Its different this time." Robbie cocks his head at her.

"How so?"

"He's more angry than he seems to be scared at the moment. You know what he's like Robbie; when he's scared he does nothing, anger makes him do things that are undeniably stupid."

"Aye, I know. I'll keep an eye on him." Robbie doesn't tell her that James isn't scared because, by all accounts, he spends all night being scared. Anger is probably all the man has left. He'd never told Jean about James' nightmares. There hadn't been any need to, it wasn't like she had a professional interest in his welfare any more. And Lewis wanted to spare her from the worry, that he knew she'd feel. Even now that it seemed they had come back, well it wasn't really his place to tell was it? He probably shouldn't have told Laura those months ago.

"You make sure you do Robbie. I better go, I'll go do some background on Calvin Harper. Try and have a good day?" Lewis smiles wanly.

"Easier said than done that." Jean says her goodbyes and leaves, telling them both that she'll pass on any information that she gets.

 

**************************************************

 

Its half five, about two hours later, when Lewis decides to bring the subject up with James. Sam is playing with the Lego, and James is sitting beside him, occasionally helping him to find pieces, whilst he and Lewis watch a repeat of 'The Sweeney'.

"James..." Hathaway stiffens and looks at the piece of Lego that he's holding as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"James?...Are you ok lad? I mean what with-"

"-I'm fine. No point worrying about it till it happens. I'll just be ready. I'm fine." Both the way that he's suddenly changed his views, and the monotone voice that he's using, convince Robbie that James is far from fine. He's clearly scared (Lewis would be worried if he wasn't.) and he's barely let Sam out of his sight. But Robbie knows better than to argue. There's one way to test how fine James really is.

"If you say so lad. Do you want me to stay here tonight eh?" he says softly. James can't know that he has ulterior motives, that he wants t check that the younger man actually gets some sleep.

"I er...well, it might be for the best. If we're in the same place I mean. Otherwise he could try something and you'll be on your own." Robbie smiles mentally. They both know that Harper's not out until tomorrow, Innocent had known that much and told them. So neither of them are in danger tonight. But James still wants him there. The man is as transparent as the four year old that he fathered.

"Aye, good point, I'll just go back and get some stuff then."

"Bring enough stuff for a few days, you know, just in case."

"I will kidda." It seemed that James really was scared, and he clearly thought that he could hide the nightmares if he had one.

 

**************************************************

 

When Robbie got back to James' house, and hour and a half later, James was just dishing up a stew. The smell wafted through the house and it transported Lewis back to when he was a young lad and his mum would make a stew from the remnants of their sunday dinner. It was a warm, safe feeling and he wanted to hang on to it as long as he could. Unfortunately, Sam had other ideas.

"Unca Robbie?" the lad whispered, dragging him out into the hallway.

"Aye?"

"You know you staying here tonight?"

"Yes Sam"

"Can you fix Daddy?" The little boy sticks his head into the kitchen to see if James is looking. Hathaway is whistling to himself and putting food onto plates. Its not a happy tune that he's whistling though, although Lewis is buggered if he knows what it is. Its a tricky question to answer. He doesn't want to promise the boy things hat he can't. But he doesn't want Sam going to bed convinced that James is unfixable.

"I'll do my best laddie."This seems to satisfy Sam and he goes running into the kitchen, just as James shouts that dinner is ready.

 

The stew is beautiful (and Robbie tells James so), although not as good as his mother's (he tells James that as well). Its all good natured though, and for a short while, the disturbing information that they learnt today is pushed from their minds.

 

Sam is put to bed soon after dinner, at half nine, he's already up past his bedtime. After he's said good night to Robbie, James carries Sam to bed. He hears Robbie pottering around, making a cup of tea. Sam tugs on his arm and snuggles into bed, indicating that he wants to be tucked in.

"G'night Sammy, sweet dreams."

"Night night Daddy. You have a sweet dreams too." James smiles, but obviously its not convincing enough. "It will be ok Daddy. P'omise. Unca Robbie will fix it." Sam is talking about the nightmares, but James doesn't know that.

"I'm sure it will little man. Come on, sleep now. See you in the morning." He bends down and kisses his sons forehead, smiling softly as Sam grabs his hand and hugs it, falling asleep.

 

Its about fifteen minutes before Sam is fully asleep, and James can extricate himself

"I did make you tea Jim, but it was going cold so I drank it."

"That's fine, I'm knackered, might hit the sack soon. Shouldn't have tea before bed or else-" Robbie hears the rest of that sentence, despite the abruptness with which James cut it off. _-I'll be even more likely to have a bad dream._ This is the moment where Lewis needs to confront it, or let it go. On one hand, talking about it might ease some of James' worry or embarrassment. On the other, he might keep insisting he's ok, which means if he does have a nightmare, he'll feel even more embarrassed. Coward that he is, Robbie lets it go. James might not even dream tonight, no need to bring it up and upset the lad for no reason. If Hathaway does have a bad dream, it'll all come out anyway.

"You won't be able to sleep?. Go on, pills and bed, you do look tired." James frowns and Lewis cuts off what he was about to say. "-You're not a kid. Aye, I know mate. Just wanted to remind you about the meds that's all. Go on, get your head down, I can sort meself out."

"If you're sure Robbie. You know where the stuff is?"

"Course I do. Night James." He waits until Hathaway is nearly out of the room. "James...it'll all be ok you know? With Harper. It'll be ok." James smiles softly and thinly.

"That's what Sammy said...Night Robbie."

"Night bonny lad" Robbie replies, but not until James has left the room. He gathers the blankets and pillows that he needs for the spare room, and is soon in bed, mind turning and churning over everything that has happened that day. Hoping fervently that Sam is mistaken and James is fine. He reasons that it could be a neighbour screaming every night. But he knows that's crap. Sam would be able to recognise his own father's voice.

 

**************************************************

 

It happens later than he thought it would, for its nearly half three in the morning before he hears James' screams from the room down the corridor.

 

He enters James' room hesitantly, immediately able to make out the Hathaway shaped lump in the moonlight. He switched on the bedside lamp, on the opposite side to where James had been sleeping. It was obvious that Hathaway had been thrashing wildly on the bed, covers tangled and entwined in his legs. One look told Robbie that this was worse than the other nightmares that he'd seen James have. This was confirmed as James started to squirm about again, trying to escape from a situation that was only in his mind.

 

Robbie gently took hold of Hathaway's shoulders, shaking him carefully.

"Wake up kidda. You're alright." There's no response to his words as James continues to whimper and squirm.

"N-no! Hurts...help...HELP!" James shouts to the room, oblivious to the company he's in and Lewis taps his face and arm in an attempt to rouse him from the nightmare.

"Come on mate. You're ok. Wake up lad!" Still nothing, James continues to shout and twist in his duvet. Perspiration lightly coats his face, and any exposed skin that Robbie can see, where his pyjamas have rumpled and ridden up in his distress.

"S-Sam?...I...don't cry...love you...son...Robbie?...look after...h-" James cuts off and whimpers again. In a desperate, last ditch effort to wake the younger man up, Robbie carefully pulls James into the crook of his arm, supporting the man's head with his elbow.

"You're ok Jim mate. I've got you, you're safe. Come on bonny lad, wake up. Sssh I've got you." Robbie continues to murmur comforting words to James, and eventually he seems to calm. Just as Robbie is about to lower him back down onto the bed though, Hathaway gasps, and sits bolt upright. Quick as a flash, James has his legs over the side of the bed and he's clenching his fist, breathing fast and shallow. Robbie puts a hand on Hathaway's back and rubs it gently, all the while talking quietly to him.

"Breathe Jim. In...out...in...out...That's it. Good lad. You'll be alright." Eventually, James gets himself under control, although he's shaking and he keeps moving restlessly. Little things like twitching his legs, or wiggling his fingers.

"S-sorry" He gets out after a while, once he's breathing again. "I dunno what's just...fuck. Fuck!" Robbie pulls the duvet over, and puts it around Hathaway's shoulders as best he can, in an attempt to stop the man shivering, not that he's actually cold.

"S'ok Jim. Don't worry about it. Just keep breathing eh lad?" James obeys, taking deep breaths and pulling the duvet tighter around himself. After a while, he speaks.

"Sorry for waking you up. I'll be alright now, its just...its just a one off." Robbie sighs, dragging the chair over and plonking it opposite James.

"No it isn't James, is it? Did you take the pill?" Hathaway nods forlornly, face dangerously close to crumpling. Robbie continues. "Its not a one off is it?"

"N-no...how did you know?"  
"Sam kidda. He's heard them all, wanted me to fix you. He thought you'd be ok if we all stayed at mine." James hangs his head, closing his eyes briefly.

"I-I didn't know he could hear them properly, he didn't say anything. Shit...I just. I don't know what to do. The meds don't work. Can't get a higher dose either. Its a blood pressure pill, not good for you if your blood pressure is fine."

"James. Its not your fault. We'll get it sorted mate. Just try and get some sleep." Hathaway immediately shakes his head.

"Can't. Not after that...I'll read or something...watch telly." Robbie puts a hand on his shoulder.

"That won't do kidda, you know it won't. Why don't you try and tell me about it eh?"

"I...I don't wanna think about it."

"I know you don't James. But telling someone will make it less scary I promise. If its really that bad, this is the only way you're going to get any sort of rest tonight."

James pulls his legs up onto the bed, completely enveloping himself in the duvet, apart from his head. Lewis' heart aches at the youth still apparent in the forty three year old. James stats to speak, haltingly.

"Harper...he came after us again. Happened like last time. That fucking chloride stuff...He got me again. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe again and you were shouting at Harper, and Sam was crying. Then..."

"Carry on lad, you're doing fine." James shakes his head decisively and carries on.

"...Then...I was in the hospital, just lying there, had a tube down my throat. I suppose m lungs stopped working like...like last time. Except I h-heard the docs saying that he'd pumped my with enough that...that I'd never move again and I could hear them but I couldn't move or speak. And then they left and H-Harper came in and he was dressed like a doctor." Robbie comes to sit next to James and puts an arm around the duvet, where he thinks James' shoulders are roughly.

"You can stop James, if you don't think this is-"  
"-No. It is helping. I just...It scared the fuck out of me Robbie. Harper dressed as the doc...he injected me with something. And it hurt. It really hurt, felt like I was burning. But I couldn't move or talk or anything, I couldn't let anyone know that Harper was there or that I needed help and I was terrified and in pain and on my own."

"It won't happen James. You won't end up paralysed for ever mate, that drug doesn't work like that."Robbie knows that he can't promise that. However unlikely it is, he can't promise James that he won't get injected again. But its what James needs to hear at the moment so he says it anyway.

"That wasn't the worst bit." _Jesus, it gets worse? You poor bugger._ Robbie thinks as James looks around at him. At that point, Robbie has no doubt that it gets worse, James' eyes look nothing short of haunted.

"Tell me?"

"You came to visit. And you brought Sam. At first I was overjoyed to see him, to see that you were both ok and safe. B-but then he started talking to me, and asking you questions. And I was just lying there, couldn't move, couldn't speak. Fuck, I c-couldn't even breathe on my fucking own. My little boy was talking to me and I couldn't answer him. I had to lie there and listen as you tried to explain that I couldn't and wouldn't ever move. He tried to hug me and I couldn't... And he started crying and I couldn't comfort him, and I knew I never would be able to again and...a-and..." Next thing Robbie knows, James is crying, trying to hide it and failing miserably.

"Hey hey hey." Lewis says, as he squeezes James' shoulder in what he hope is comfort. "Come on kidda, it was just a dream. I know it felt real, but you're ok, you can move, and Sammy's fine. Lie down again Jim. Try and sleep." Just as James finally lies back down again, Sam appears in the doorway.

"Daddy?" Sam looks at them both uncertainly, comfort blanket and Fluffy, clutched tightly to him. He furiously rubs the blanket on his nose, blinking in the lamp light. "Unca Robbie, is Daddy ok?" Robbie is saved from answering as Hathaway does.

"I'm ok Sam. It was just a dream little man. Come here." Sam walks over and he's soon curled in the bed next to James looking up at them both with wide eyes.

"Did Unca Robbie fix it?"

"He certainly made it better Sammy." Sam doesn't look convinced, as he wipes the tear tracks on James' face with the blanket. Robbie gets off the bed, ready to leave them together. He has no doubt that the best thing for James right now, is Sam. He's not wrong.

Na'night you two. Sweet dreams."

"Thank you Robbie...for...for just being there."

"Don't mention it James. Just try and sleep yeah? I'll see you both in the morning.

"Night."

"Na'nigh' Unca R'bbie." Robbie smiles and leaves the room. As he leaves, he hears James voice, painfully young as it cuts through the silence of the rest of the flat.

"Sam? Can Daddy have a hug please little man?"

Robbie doesn't catch Sam's response, but he can tell from the quiet 'Thank you', that Sam had been all to happy to give his father the hug that he so desperately needed.

 

Robbie knows that this needs to get sorted. James can't go on having those dreams, and Robbie can't live with him forever on the off chance that he has a nightmare.

 

He goes back to bed in the spare room, but he doesn't sleep straight away. He can't stop himself creeping softly down the hall to check on the two boys an hour later. They are both fast asleep, James' arm protectively encircling Sam, as the little boy has wormed his way as close to James as he can.

 

Satisfied that for now, they are content, Robbie finally lets himself sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

To look at James the next morning, Robbie would never have guessed that the man had been virtually having a panic attack in the early hours. He was quiet, but that could just as easily be put down to the fact that he was worried about the situation. James was still the image of a well held together man. Although Robbie reasons that he is well held together, the man had told him before that he'd been having those nightmares since he was seven. He'd worked for seven years as Lewis bagman, and Robbie had never known that James had woken up alone and terrified for probably at least three nights a week. If that isn't holding it together, Robbie doesn't know what is.

 

Well, better late than never, Robbie is going sort him out now, like he should have years ago. James is forty three, bringing up a child alone, and has been putting up with this for years. Its about time someone helped him out, whether he likes it or not.

 

"Mornin' lad, you ok?" He watches carefully, but James doesn't give anything away.

"Tired but...yeah. I'm ok. Thank you." He looks up to his room and sighs. "Sam's still asleep, its catching up with him. I-I didn't know he could hear me, I closed the doors and he didn't say anything."

"Kids have a sixth sense for trouble mate. And, well I heard you from the other end of the house. You've got a set of lungs on you and no mistake lad." James looks bashful and gives a slight grin, before looking worried all over again.

"What...What do I do? The meds aren't working, I haven't got any control over it Robbie." And that's the crux of that matter, Robbie realises. James is fine, when he has some semblance of control over events. The last few times that he's seen James go to pieces, is when he's lost control of the situation. When Harper paralysed him; he had no control and James had been in a state as soon as he realised that he couldn't follow the man upstairs. He has no control over his dreams either, and he was in more than a state after the one last night.

"I don't know lad. There _will_ be a solution Jim, we'll get it sorted alright?" James doesn't look convinced, but he smiles anyway.

 

Sam comes downstairs a short while later, and they have breakfast, which mainly consists of cereals and fruit. For once Robbie doesn't complain, he knows he should be eating healthier, Lyn won't stop telling him so. And oranges aren't that bad.

 

********************************************************

 

Robbie isn't sure how it happened, but he's spent the majority of the afternoon, in James' garden, helping Sam to build a snowman out of the snow fall from the day before. Well, he thinks its a snowman; Sam keeps changing his mind.

"Unca Robbie, he needs claws."

"...Men don't have claws."  
"Yeah, but that's a'lizard part of him."

"I don't know if we'll be able to make claws Sammy, they're a bit fiddly."

"Hmmm...He can have a tail then."

"Right...course he can." Robbie mutters, as Sam pushes a load of snow over to him and starts on the tail. He looks over to the house and he can see that James is still asleep on the sofa. Sam had wanted James to come outside with them, but Lewis had eventually made him see that any sleep James could catch was best given to him.

_"If Daddy sleeps now, does that mean he not have a bad dream tonight?"_

_"I don't know laddie. But it'll make him less tired."_

_"Think we should let Daddy sleep then."_

_"Aye, I think that you're right Sam."_

Robbie pretends he isn't looking as James jerks and sits up on the sofa. It doesn't look too bad, although he can't really see from here, James could be crying for all he knows. He doesn't think so though. He watches sadly as James runs a hand through his hair and then gets up. He disappears from view and Robbie turns back to the boy playing next to him. The lad hasn't made a bad tail, it has to be said.

"I think he's finished Unca Robbie."

"I think he is Sammy." Sam smiles and steps back to survey his handiwork.

"I get Daddy's big camera, an' then we can take a photo?" Before Robbie has a chance to reply, Sam is haring back towards the house. Robbie shrugs and awaits the boys return.

 

When Sam comes back, he's clutching one of those digital cameras that's about the size of his head. James is following him, wrapped in a hoodie and shivering slightly. Robbie smiles as James crouches down to his son and shows him which buttons to press on the camera. Again, Robbie pretends that he doesn't see, when James winces and shifts all of his weight onto his right leg. Sam is oblivious, blinking in the light from the flash and insisting that he takes pictures from every angle of the snowman/lizard.

Soon though, it starts to get dark and James is shivering more violently than he had been half an hour before.

"That's enough of that Sammy, come on, inside." He takes one looks at James,and continues, "You too James lad, you're freezing." There's no protest from either of them, and James scoops a rosy cheeked Sam into his arms.

 

Once they get inside and warmed up, Robbie insists that James 'sits the hell down for a bloody minute', before also insisting that he's going to make the dinner that night. Sam demands to be allowed to help, and Robbie agrees. James gives up trying to convince Robbie that he doesn't need rest, and in any case, his argument would have been invalidated the moment that he fell asleep on the sofa. Robbie had gone to the shops, for ingredients and had been greeted by Sam tiptoeing to the door when he opened it with a finger on his small lips.

"Daddy gone a'sleep Unca Robbie."

"You've been quiet I hope Sam."

"Yeah. He tired. Only been asleep for a Fireman Sam time. What we making for dinner?"

"I thought pie Sam." Robbie says after he works out what Sam meant. It seems that James has been asleep for the amount of time Fireman Sam was on. Ten minutes, if memory serves.

"Can we start it? I hungry Unca Robbie. And it needs to be all ready for when Daddy wakes up."

"Aye, that'd be nice wouldn't it? Go on, go and wash your hands then." While Sam is upstairs, Robbie sets about getting all the ingredients ready. He remembers making steak and ale pie with Lyn and Ken on one of his rare days off, working with Morse. The memories make him smile and he's lost in them, until he hears a succession of thumps at the foot of the stairs. He listens out for tears, and there are none, which sets his parent alert off. He remembers a doctor telling him once; ' _If they hit their head, and don't cry, get them checked out._ " He hurries into the hallway and sees Sam picking himself up from the bottom of the stairs, the lad seems to be tangled in his duvet and Fluffy is lying

on the sixth step.

"Are you ok Sammy? Did you hit your head?"

"I ok Unca Robbie. I just bounced down'a steps." The lad is smiling at him and climbing back up the stairs to grab Fluffy, and Robbie sees that he really is ok.

"What were you doing with that anyway laddie?"

"Bringing it for Daddy. He cold on'a sofa." Robbie smiles and ruffles Sam's hair.

"Good lad, come on," he says as Sam scoops up Fluffy. He picks up the duvet in an attempt to prevent more injury. "Lets go and give it to Daddy then. Quietly though Sam."

"I know 'bout quietly Unca Robbie" Sam mutters, put out that Robbie didn't realise he knew how to behave around sleeping people. Robbie just chuckles as he puts a hand on the back of Sam's head and they head into the living room.

Thankfully, James doesn't wake up as Robbie lays the duvet over him. Really they should use James' own duvet, Sam's a bit on the small side. But James is curled up enough for it to cover him anyway. Besides, Robbie can't help but find the sight of his middle aged ex-sergeant curled up under a Thomas the Tank Engine duvet, mildly hilarious.

"Right then, is Fluffy going to come and watch us cook eh Sam?" Robbie says, pointing towards the kitchen. Sam shakes his head, with a finger on his lips, and creeps towards James. Before Robbie can stop him, Sam has tucked Fluffy by James' head , sitting on the floor and looking up to check that the cuddly toy is in the right place. Robbie is amazed that this didn't wake the younger man, but James merely snuffles in his sleep and nuzzles the bear. Suddenly, the childish duvet pattern is more painful than it is amusing; James has never been much of a kid, Robbie doesn't think. Middle aged way before his time, and heartbreakingly young now that he should be middle aged. He can't stop the sad smile that breaks across his face as Sam turns around, despite the satisfied grin on the boy's own face.

"Fluffy not wanna watch cooking. Daddy needs him more."

"Aye, that he does laddie. Come on, lets see about this pie."

 

********************************************************

 

In the end, Lewis ends up shutting the living room and kitchen doors because while Sam means well, he soon forgets that he's supposed to be being quiet. And Lewis decides that he was stupid to think that he could expect quiet out of a child that he has just given a rolling pin to anyway.

He watches the boy carefully as they chat and cook, and is glad to see that Sam seems happy, despite the drama of the night before.

 

Once the pie is in the oven, Sam runs out of the room, and returns a few moments later with the bathroom stool. After he has washed the knives up, Robbie lets Sam help him wash the rest of the things up, getting liberally splashed in the process. Sam giggles devilishly as he brings a flattened palm down on the water, sending it up in the air. Robbie doesn't stop him, he likes hearing the sound of the boys laughter. Eventually though, enough is enough and he puts Sam on the counter and drains the water out of the sink.

"Sam! How did you manage to get covered in that much flour eh?" The little boy chuckles and clambers of the worktop, to peer at his reflection in the metallic oven front. Its at that moment when James wanders into the kitchen, still slightly bleary eyed. Robbie would bet that he hasn't been awake longer than five minutes.

"You two been making a mess then?"

"No Daddy...We been makin' a pie!"

"Well, it looks like you've been putting your face in the flour Sammy, go and wash it mucky boy." Sam laughs and rushes past James to the bathroom

"Pie eh?" Hathaway says with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

"Don't look so surprised, I'll have you know, I make a great steak and ale pie." Its Robbie's turn to smirk. "And besides, I thought we could do with a change from pasta." James snorts softly and puts the kettle on. Robbie waits a few minutes before he speaks.

"You sleep alright James?" Hathaway gives him a small smile as he continues to make tea.

"I actually did." He says, and Robbie can't ignore the surprise in his voice. "I'm guessing the duvet was Sam's idea."

"Yeah...I only sent him up to wash his hands, the cheeky blighter." The grin fades into a soft smile then. "He thinks the world of you Jim, he's a lovely, caring little kid." James also smiles softly, and it reaches his eyes.

"I know. Chrissy...she'd be so proud of him." Robbie pats James' shoulder and Sam comes running back into the room, dragging the duvet with him.

"You don't need this any more Daddy?" he asks, from somewhere behind the fabric.

"No, thank you for bringing it down for me though."

"You looked cold Daddy. Was Fluffy good bear?"

"Fluffy was a very well behaved bear little man, come on, we'll take that duvet upstairs eh? You'll need it tonight."

 

********************************************************

 

Robbie has to admit that he's very proud when he pulls the pie out of the oven. Just the right shade of golden-brown and it smells beautiful.

"Look at that Sammy, perfect. Shows your Dad eh?"

"Show him what?" Robbie bent down to Sam with a theatrical whisper.

"I don't think your Dad though I could cook."

"Don't be silly Daddy, o'course Unca Robbie can make pie." The boy puffed out his chest. "An' anyway...I helped him." Robbie laughs at that.

They sit and eat and even James has to admit, the pie is delicious. Enough that he has two helpings.

"Ok, I take it all back Robbie. This is beautiful."

"Ah, hidden depths me lad."

"Aren't you a bit... _old_ to be discovering hidden depths Robbie?" The smirk on Hathaway's face is almost glowing.

"Bloody cheek! You won't be young forever James. When it creeps up on you, I'll be ringside, laughing." James smiles at the reference to a conversation they had years earlier.

"Well, I suppose I had my ten foot Barbraella didn't I?" The younger man sighs and Robbie sighs mentally with him.

"Aye bonny lad. But I wasn't laughing at you then, I was laughing for you. You know that don't you?"

"Yeah...Yeah I do."

 

James won't hear of Robbie doing the washing up, and he ushers he and Sam out of the kitchen. The next thing he knows, Sam is fiddling with the DVD player and the opening credits of Thomas the Tank Engine are playing. Robbie figures that it makes a change from Fireman Sam, and he settles down with his almost adopted grandson to watch.

 

Sam is soon asleep and James takes him up to his room. He's only been back downstairs a few minutes before his mobile phone rings. He blinks at the screen and Lewis is immediately on his guard. Its the elephant in the room, that they haven't talked about since Innocent's visit.

"Withheld..." James mutters, looking up to Robbie for guidance.

"...Answer is James. It might just be a cold caller." James gives him a look that clearly says _bollocks_ , but none the less, he puts the phone to his ear and answers.

"Hello?"

"Mr Hathaway."

"Speaking, who is this?" Robbie is straining to hear and James signals to him to stay perfectly quiet, as he puts the phone onto loudspeaker.

"You know who this is Mr Hathaway. I don't need to tell you. Last time you heard my voice, I was explaining what drug I'd just injected you with."

"Calvin Harper. What do you want?" James sets his jaw and snarls, "And _don't_ say 'my son' because that just isn't going to happen."

"Oh no, not just your son Mr Hathaway. I want you and Lewis as well."

"What? You must know that the police will be watching you...Freshly out of prison, with a grudge to boot."

"Maybe they will, but if you go to them, I'll just have more casualties to add to the list won't I?"

"What happens now then?"

"Well now, that depends really. I've got a few things going that need to be finished, I'll know tomorrow afternoon."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" James almost shouts and Robbie can see the anger there, anger at being toyed with.

"It means Mr Hathaway, that I'll be in touch tomorrow. No doubt Lewis has heard all this, he's probably sat beside you. Oh yes, I know he's staying with you James. Did you think you'd be safer if you stuck together? Until tomorrow then."

"YOU BASTARD!" James shouts, but the click on the line signals that Harper has already hung up.

As James puts hangs up on his end and lowers the phone back to the table, the anger goes out of him. His hands shake and the phone clatters for the last few millimetres.

"Jim?..."

"Again, he's coming for us again Robbie. I can't...Sam, I can't let him get Sam."

"He didn't manage it before, he won't manage it again." James shakes his head and shrinks into his hoodie. There's a fine tremor along his whole body now, and Robbie know the best thing for him, is to sleep. Or it would be for anyone else. The ex inspector goes to the kitchen, and comes back with a glass of water and the box of Prazosin.

"Come on lad. Take the pills, and get yourself to bed."

"Sleep? I can't...I need to-"

"-Need to what? James there's nothing to be done right now ok? You need to be well rested." He ignores the disbelieving snort he gets of the younger man. "You do, and you know it."

Reluctantly, James takes the pills off him and takes one, heading upstairs, with a quiet 'good night',

 

********************************************************

 

Its about three am when he hears the shouting again, and Robbie sighs. Not because he's been woken up, that he doesn't mind. But because yet again, it sounds like James isn't going to get any sleep.

Sure enough, the man is groaning and moving on the bed. Robbie tries to shake him awake, and this time, James pushes him away in his sleep. Robbie is persistent and James continues to fight weakly against him, pushing and lightly swatting at Robbie's hands. He's never done this before, and it worries Robbie more than he would ever admit.

"Hey kidda, its me, you're ok, wake up." No effect at all, the words are just not getting through. He is suddenly very grateful that Sam is sleeping through this.

"It's Robbie, lad. Come on, stop pushing and wake up for me eh?"

 

Then James does wake up, shoving Robbie aside in his panic, where he slips onto the floor. James is standing by the side of the bed, chest heaving and eyes wide.

"Hathaway?" There's no response, and Robbie immediately gets up from the floor. James is awake, Robbie thinks, but he's clearly not fully alert yet. Lewis decides that the best thing he can do is get James into another room. So he gently puts his arm around James' shoulders and guides him downstairs. He settles the younger man on the sofa and once he's returned with a cup of tea, James looks like he's back with them.

"Here you go lad." He watches James for a few minutes, watches the hands shaking, and the way that James seems to be making himself as small as he can. "You alright Jim?"

"Mm-hmm." James nods, and despite it all, Robbie sees that he's not completely lying.

"What was it about?"

"I can't remember...No, I genuinely can't" He insists at Robbie sceptical face. Robbie gives him the benefit of the doubt, after all, he had told him about last nights one. They sit in comfortable silence for a few more minutes. Then Robbie speaks.

"Have you ever tried anything else lad?"

"Like what?"

"I dunno, sleeping pills?" James nods tiredly, putting his finished cup of tea on the table. Robbie is pleased to note that his hands seem to have stopped shaking.

"Tried them once, didn't work. I still had the nightmares, I just couldn't wake up." The younger man looks away and mumbles quietly;

"Chrissy um, had to hold me for 4 hours. I made her tell me when I woke up in her arms crying. Apparently, she tried everything to wake me up, but nothing doing, the tablets had knocked me right out. In the end, she just had to talk to me and hold me until the pills wore off, or the dream ended. We er, we never tried sleeping pills again."

"Wise move mate. I don't blame you."

"Luckily, Sammy wasn't born then. She'd have had her hands full with the both of us up and crying." There's a bitter laugh from the young man and Robbie frowns as James keeps talking. "I felt so guilty Robbie. There I was, going out to work, away from the house. She spent the entire day looking after Sam...and th-then, four nights out of seven looking after me, because I couldn't handle having a bloody nightmare. I should have been stronger, should have been able to sort it out." There are tears in James' eyes now, and its not to do with his recent dream

"Firstly, is not about being able to 'handle' it. Nightmares are scary mate, no one handles them well. And the amount you have lad, I could never have dealt with. Secondly, Chrissy loved you, and I know you sodding loved her. You really think she thought any less of you for something like that? Something you can't control. If you truly believe that James, then you're a fucking idiot. She could have demanded that you slept on the sofa, the spare room, she could have taken herself off there every night. Did she?"

"N-no...No she didn't." James whispers quietly.

"Exactly. She loved you James. And part of that love, meant that she was willing to hold you while you cried and shook and God knows what. So don't you go blaming yourself for any of it. And don't you dare insult her by thinking she only did it because she thought she had to." James nods and there are tears on his cheeks, falling silently.

"Thank you Robbie." Lewis can see James has been somewhat comforted by what he has said. The poor lad has probably been feeling guilty for years and most likely been feeling it more since his wife died. Somewhere along the line, someone seemed to have removed James' ability to recognise that there were people in his life that truly loved him for who he was. The man seems to think that people suffer him, tolerate him...he never really seems to consider that perhaps they actually like him. Its sad and what's sadder, is that Robbie suspects that not much can be done about it.

 

After he's finished musing, Robbie looks up to see that James has fallen asleep on the sofa. Rather than wake him up, and risk him not getting back to sleep again, Robbie instead creeps up to the lad's bedroom and picks up his duvet.

He carefully and gently, manoeuvres James so that he's lying down, and has a cushion under his head, before draping the duvet over the younger man and resting a hand on the exposed shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"What are we going to do with you kidda?" He mumbles, although he doesn't expect an answer from the sleeping form. James tucks his head towards his chest in his sleep and sighs audibly, wriggling sightly, so that he is almost entirely covered by the duvet, only his head exposed. Robbie takes a deep breath, and the smiles fondly at the younger man that he sees like a son.

"Good night bonny lad. Sleep well eh?"

 


	4. Chapter 4

James woke up slowly on the sofa, unsure at first where he was. Shortly, the events of the previous evening came back to him and he realised with sudden clarity that they hadn't told anyone about the phone call. Which was stupid, he'd have to fix that. Just as soon as he was properly awake. He blinked at the room, and groaned as he remembered what had happened. He remembers being guided down stairs. He also remembers shoving Robbie to the floor, although he hadn't realised that he'd done it at the time. He doesn't remember apologising and its grating on him that he didn't. James knows that Robbie will shrug it off, blame it on the nightmares, on the state he'd been in afterwards. But James can't leave it at that. If he wasn't sure that Robbie was still asleep, he'd go up there and apologise now. And God knows, he's got a lot to apologise for. Keeping the older man awake for one thing. Dragging him into things that have nothing to do with him; Calvin Harper wouldn't have even known about Robbie Lewis if James hadn't turned up at his house all those months ago. And needing to be looked after. Robbie is seventy, and James is acutely aware of this fact. Robbie might love Sam and might be his best friend, but the older man doesn't need to have a kid running around, and certainly doesn't need to be constantly worrying about a forty three year old who can't look after himself.

James puts his head in his hands, and groans, w _hen did all go so wrong?._

"Does your head hurt Daddy?" James snaps his neck up as Sam speaks to him, he hadn't even heard the boy come in.

"No Sam, Dad's just tired." He's not lying, nightmares every night are taking their toll, and he's feeling it. He'd fallen asleep on the sofa twice the day before, as it was.

"You know what you need Daddy?"

"No Sam, what do I need?"

"You need'a play trains." James chuckles and shakes his head fondly.

"You mean you want to play trains, don't you?" But none the less, he follows the now grinning little boy upstairs and pulls down the train set that's on top of Sam's wardrobe.

 

**************************************************

 

Robbie comes downstairs to exuberant shouts from Sam. As he gets closer he can hear what's being said.

"Sam, you need to move that train, he's blocking the line." Robbie is puzzled until Sam starts making train noises, then he smiles. He walks into the living room, just in time to see Sam throw a plastic tree into the air and cackle as it lands on the toy track.

"Daddy! There was a storm and there's a tree on the track, look!." James laughs and mumbles something that sounds a lot like 'you're the storm, little menace' but he's smiling as he says it. Robbie walks in and sits down as James pushes what he can assume is a breakdown train towards the other side of the track where Sam is sitting.

James looks up at him, and smiles shyly, obviously a little embarrassed at being caught playing at trains, and enjoying it too.

"Having fun there Jim?" James just smiles again as Sam crawls over and drives a train up his arm.

"Hey! That's not track!" Sam merely giggles impishly at his father before replacing the train on the track and pushing it around the circuit. "Right, come on Sammy, time to make breakfast."

 

After breakfast, Robbie washes up, letting James and Sam get back to their game. He has to admit, he's impressed at the narrative that James has woven into it. They've had a runaway train, that was sent on its way by an evil fireman. There's been an avalanche of Lego bricks, that actually were Lego bricks not pretend rocks, and some how that worked. The trains have been on strike and to cap it all off, one of the stations was flooded with Ribena (Robbie knows why James put a sheet of plastic under their circuit now, this is probably a regular occurrence). He supposes that this is also why they don't play with electric trains. Sam is lapping it all up, contributing his own ideas to James' and making some downright weird addition (The aliens thing made no sense at all), and Robbie can see again what a good father James is, not that he thought he wouldn't be. His son is totally captivated by the game and hanging on to James' every word. Most of them anyway, four year olds an only contain themselves so much before they _have_ to interrupt. Its a welcome distraction for the two of them, Lewis is aware that they are expecting Harper to call again, and its lovely to see James this happy and relaxed, even knowing that its only going to be for a little while.

 

**************************************************

 

Laura drops round a few hours later, just after lunch. She brings around some little chocolate cupcakes that she brought from the shops and suddenly, Sam is hyper on sugar and running about all over the place. He and Laura diagnose fluffy with a 'broked ear bone' and duly bandage him up with kitchen towel. Eventually, James puts a ban on any more chocolate and tries to get Sam to calm down a little, but its not destined to happen. Laura leaves soon afterwards, amid James' good natured grumbling about how she's sent his son loopy and she's not sticking around to deal with it. She smiles as Sam jumps on and off the doorstep and tells James that he loves it really. His answering grin says it all.

 

Jean phones to check up on them all (she knew that Laura had been there, so its clearly a conspiracy to make sure they're holding up). Robbie looks over at James laughing on the phone and he's grateful because despite it all, this is the happiest he's seen the lad in days. Robbie can't enjoy it though. Because while James seems to have pushed everything from his mind, or is at least doing a good job of pretending as such, Robbie can't.

 

He knows there's going to be a phone call, that'll probably put the fear of God through him and James.

 

**************************************************

 

Its about nine pm when Hathaway's land line goes off. Sam is tucked up in bed, knackered from the running around he's been doing and the fact that he crashed of a substantial sugar rush. James takes a deep breath and Robbie nods at him, as he accepts the call. Its on speaker phone almost immediately; James can't deal with it alone, it feels less...personal when Harpers not talking straight into his ear.

"Mr Hathaway. Merry little gathering you've had today."

"Get to the point, Harper," James says aggressively, but Robbie saw that which Harper can't from the other end of a phone line. The fear that flashed into James' eyes. _He's watching the house._

"Ever the no-nonsense copper aren't you James? Alright, I shall."

"It'd be much appreciated." Robbie puts a hand on his arm encouragingly. James might sound menacing and in control, but sat next to him, Robbie can see every muscle twitch, every glance at the window and the door, that signifies James is anything but.

"So polite." James grits his teeth and listens as Harper tells him a postcode. They both recognise it as an Oxford one, somewhere out of the main city.

"Its an old farmhouse. Meet me there in two days time at eight in the evening. You, Lewis and the boy. Any indication at all of a police presence, and I'll shoot the three of you dead, starting with the kid. And then I'll move onto some others. How much do you value Hobson and Innocent James?" Hathaway feels Robbie tense beside him and feels is own worry and anger make its way quickly to the forefront of his mind.

"You leave them alone Harper! You hear me! Don't you dare-"

"You know what to do then don't you Mr Hathaway...The three of you, that address, eight pm...two days time. I look forward to it." He hangs up and Hathaway puts the phone down.

"Bastard...Utter bastard. I...I can't take Sam Robbie. I can't walk him into that."

"I know James, I'm not expecting you too. We'll take him arounf to Jean or Laura's, he'll be safe with them. Jean will think of some way of getting protection for them all." James nods at him.

"You too."

"What?"

"Protection for you too."

"James what are you on about?"

"You stay with them as well. I'll go alone."

"No! James that's-"

"-Robbie, I can't let...You're seventy" Lewis raised an eyebrow as James continued. "I didn't mean that like...It'll end in a fight and I can't let you knowingly walk into that...just can't." Robbie was touched by Hathaway's concern, more than he was going to let on. He also wasn't going to readily agree that James was right, even if he was. But there were a couple of things that James had overlooked.

"And I'm supposed to let you go? You? The one who hasn't slept properly for God knows how long, and who couldn't run if his life depended on it...which it might well do by the way." James just shook his head.

"Still in a better position than you'll be."

"You bloody minded young...Look, we'll talk tomorrow eh?" James nodded his assent and made moves to go to bed.

 

Before long, they were both in bed, both turning over the situation in their minds, trying to find a way to resolve it as safe as they could. They both fell asleep without coming up with a solution.

 

**************************************************

 

The early morning desertion of the street was interrupted by a man, wearing dark clothes and a hood. Even if anyone was awake and looking, they wouldn't have been able to identify him. He knew that, was almost counting on it. He pulled the paper bag from his jacket as he jogged up to the door to James Hathaway's house. He then dropped it through the letter box, pulling on the string that he still had in his hand. There was a pop and a hiss, and then the string went through the letterbox as well. Once his handiwork was complete, Calvin Harper smiled into the darkness and jogged away.

 

**************************************************

 

Robbie was woken at three am again. Not this time by Hathaway's screams, but by the shrill beeping of the smoke alarm. It took him a few dazed seconds to realises what that meant and then he was suddenly out of bed, rushing towards James' room. James appeared at the door of Sam's room, clutching the crying child and coughing. For one terrifying moment, Robbie thought that the fire had started there, but he soon realised that it was coming from downstairs. The smoke had found its way to the upper floor though, and the three of them were coughing, the noise of the fire punctuated by Sam's fearful tears.

"James! We need to get out of here! Move! You and Sam go first." James needs no second bidding, taking the stairs three at a time. Robbie was halfway down the stairs when James bellowed up to him.

"Its started at the fucking front door. Go out the back way...Down the side alley into the street." Robbie nods his understanding as James wraps his undone pyjama shirt around Sam, in an attempt to shield the little boy from the worst of the smoke. Robbie can hear the child crying and coughing and he doesn't need to look to see the panic on James' face.

 

From the glance that he got, the fire doesn't look too big, its spreading towards the living room, but its not devouring the house. The smoke though, its thinck and looks worse than it should do. Robbie grabs his fleece jumper off the bannister rail as he follows James through the smoke to the back door. Hathaway doesn't bother with the key, he just hands Sam to Robbie and kicks his back door out, and the two of them run through the doorway, Robbie still holding the terrified child.

 

They don't stop until they make it to the street and then they collapse onto the tarmac, weak with relief. That they made it out. Fire fighters rush past them, and Robbie realises that a neighbour must have called the fire brigade. An ambulance comes around the corner and skids to a stop. The paramedics jump out and head towards them. One deals with Robbie and James, and the other tries to check Sam over. Sam however, is not having it. He's clinging to James and crying, breaking off to cough every few minutes. James suddenly seems to realise the implications of this and he gently turns Sam so the paramedics can get to him, all the while keeping a comforting hold on the boy.

"Come on little man. These nice ambulance men need to get a look at you." Robbie hears the man's voice shaking and he puts a hand on James' shoulder, the paramedic dealing with him has finished and joined his colleague in examining the child.

Sam calms somewhat but he won't let go of James and he still coughs a little. The paramedic looks at them all, addressing James, having rightly worked out that he's the parent.

"You're all going to be ok. But we need to take the kid in."

"Wh-why? If we're all going..." He trails off, staring down at Sam.

"Sir, we've every confidence that you'll all be fine. However...Sam is it?" Robbie nods, it doesn't look like James is going to answer. "Sam is only young and his lungs are less hardened to damage. We need to take him in so he can get a proper check. There's nothing to worry about, its just a precaution. He's going to be fine. A bit of oxygen won't hurt him." James doesn't react, so Robbie takes over.

"Cheers mate." He's heard what James clearly hasn't registered. Sam is going to be fine. He's already stopped crying, looking about in teary confusion as the fire fighters finish putting out the blaze.

 

Eventually, they manage to get James up and they are all sat in the ambulance. The paramedic (he lets them know that his name is Dave) shuts the doors and crouches opposite them, eye level with Sam, who is nestled in James' arms.

"Ok now Sam...I'm going to put this mask on you ok? I want you to breathe normally for me son. Can you do that?" Sam nods uncertainly and tightens his hand on James' shirt. "Good boy. You can talk normally with this on Sam, so you let us know if you're scared or if anything hurts. Alright?" Another nod, and Dave attaches the oxygen mask around Sam's head. He stays quiet for a few minutes, and then it all catches up with the little boy and he starts to cry again. Robbie puts a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder and talks quietly to him, as it seems James is only capable of keeping his own, brimming eyes on his son.

 

**************************************************

 

An hour later, Sam has had all the tests done, and they have confirmed what Dave said. The little boy is going to be absolutely fine. He's currently asleep on a hospital bed, tired after everything, and Robbie can't blame him. James was sent to find out if they had any small portable beds that could be used by he and Robbie throughout the night. When James comes back, he stops halfway into the room and whispers.

"Bloody hell." Then he drops into one of the chairs and puts one hand on Sam's, holding his head in the other. "He looks so...small. Robbie he just...he looks..."

"I know lad." Its true, Sam looks tiny and the hospital gown isn't doing much to help matters, it makes him look even younger that the four years, eight months that he is.

"...I can't...I just...My son's in a hospital bed...I don't know what to-" He breaks off, tears spilling down his cheeks, obvious, even though he tries to wipe them away. Lewis puts a hand on James' back, rubbing gently as he tries to calm his younger friend down.

"James. He's going to be absolutely fine. The paramedics said so, and the doctors have said so. He's not even coughing any more."

"Then why is he still here?"

"They just want to keep an eye on him."

A nurse comes in with a camp bed, and Lewis steers James onto it. James protests when he realises that there's only one, stating that he'll sleep in the chair.

"No lad, you need your rest. Anyway I've slept in worse places. Fell asleep in the driver seat on night parked outside Morse's house to check he was alright once. Bloody cold that was." James nods gratefully and kisses Sam goodnight. Sam smiles a little in his sleep and wriggles slightly. Seeing that Sam really is ok, James settles down and is soon asleep, at half past four in the morning.

 

**************************************************

 

Half five sees James awake with a nightmare again, although this time he doesn't scream. Once he wakes up though, he tumbles off the bed and backs away a little. It takes nearly twenty minutes for Lewis to coax him back to bed.

"Come on lad, sit on the edge, that's it." James is clearly still semi conscious and Lewis is tired. "Good lad, legs on as well. Right. You ok James?" There's a vague nod and James is finally lying down again. Robbie pulls the blanket up to his chin, and is strangely relieved when James curls his hand over the top like he normally does.

"Sir?" Robbie raises an eyebrow, unsure that its a good thing that he's apparently not Robbie at the moment

"Yes James?"

"M'sorry sir" Robbie decides that James is still a little out of it. Nonetheless, he answers him.

"What for mate?" No good though, James is asleep again, and Robbie certainly isn't going to wake him up in order to deduce what that was all about.

"You've got nothin' to apologise for bonny lad," He mumbles as he settles in the chair, pulling the other blanket over himself


	5. Chapter 5

When Robbie wakes up he notices two things. One, his back hurts. Two, James is already awake, and he is sat watching Sam sleep, fondness all over his face. He sees to have finally accepted that Sam will be fine, for which Robbie is glad.

"Mornin', he been awake yet?" James looks round startled, and then relaxes.

"No. Sleeping like a log." James smiles. "Was just thinking...how amazing it was that I was there for the first time that he did so many things." Robbie smiles.

"Hold on to those memories Jim." Hathaway nods, his hand still covering Sam's.

"Can remember the first time he laughed. Like properly laughed. He was about eight months old. He'd had a bad nights sleep, kept Chrissy up most of the night. She didn't wake me up, since I'd had a shit of a day. She was good like that." Robbie knows the feeling, Val had been good like that too. Lewis does a quick calculation after a memory of a hastily read news article stirs in his mind.

"Were you on that child murder case in Soho? I remember reading about that." James nodded grimly, and Robbie could see exactly how much that case had taken out of him.

"Yeah. Was given a weeks leave after that one. Station shrinks orders. We all were. So I got up in the morning and Chrissy was knackered. I told her that I had the week off, and then told her to go back to bed. She didn't need telling twice. Had Sam to myself all day, and after that case, he just seemed like the most beautiful, perfect thing in the world." James grinned a little. "Still does if I'm honest." Robbie smiled.

"He is Jim. He's a credit to you, the both of you."

"I needed him that week. And every week since. He was all grumpy from the lack of sleep, grizzling and everything. Gave him a bottle, still grumpy. Bathed him, still grumpy. Tried to get him to have a nap, even more grumpy, and I hadn't even thought that was possible." This elicits a chuckle from Robbie as he recalls similar episodes with his own children..

"In the end, I didn't know what to do to make him happy. And I didn't want him to be upset. Couldn't bear to look at an upset child, not with the body in the morgue still in my minds eye...So I picked up a cushion off the sofa and buried my head in it. Figured that Sam wouldn't exactly get happy if he saw my looking so sad. After a minute, he went silent. I peeked over the top and he was staring, trying to see around the pillow, to see where I'd gone. He looked like he was gonna start crying again, so I quickly took the pillow away, and called his name. He looked at me in stunned silence for about three seconds and then this massive smile broke out across his face and he gave me this great belly laugh. Never got tired of that noise. We were still playing half an hour later, Chrissy had to come in and see what all the commotion was about, we were both laughing that much. Sammy looked at her, smiled, and then pulled his comfort blanket over his face. Then he swished it away like I'd done with the pillow and giggled." James goes quiet after that, and Robbie can see that he's basking in the memory. "Thought I wasn't gonna laugh again when I woke up that morning. Took an eight month old to show me how stupid that was."

"Kids are the best medicine James. Val always used to say that.."

"Once he could crawl, he used come hurtling up the hallway when he heard my key in the lock. He'd sit slap-bang in the middle of the hallway, and hold his arms out to be picked up, squealing 'Dada'. I swear the knowledge that that was waiting for me at home, made the job bearable some days. And I'd pick him up, carry him into the living room and sit down on the sofa with him. And once he'd stopped wriggling about, I'd tickle him and wrap him up in his blanket, just to hear him laugh." James stops as Sam stirs beside him. Robbie hasn't seen a smile on his face like that for ages. Sam stirs again and he opens his eyes, smiling as he sees his Dad's face.

"Daddy." He mumbles, still only half awake.

"I'm here little man, how are you feeling?" Sam sits up and leans into James, arms wrapping them selves around his side as far as they can.

"...bored. An' coughy." Sam turns to Robbie and waves. "Mornin' Unca Robbie."

"Mornin' kidda." Suddenly the four year olds face turns serious.

"Daddy did you an' Unca Robbie get hurt in the fire?"

"No, no Sam we're fine." Sam peers into James and Robbie's faces in turn, trying to decide if they are telling the truth. Satisfied he crawls to the edge of the bed.

"When can we go home? Don't like it here." James exchanges a look with Robbie before answering.

"Well, we have to wait for the doctor to tell us that you can leave, but they should be along soon. We can't go home yet though Sammy."

"Why for?"

"Because of the fire. The house is all grimy and covered in soot. Its not good for little boys."

"Or Daddies and Unca's?"

"No not good for them either. So we can't go back for a little while."

"Where we gonna go then?" Its Robbie's turn to speak.

"You're gonna come and stay with me for a little bit bonny lad." James smiles gratefully over Sam's head and Robbie almost shakes his in response. Did James really think that he needed to worry about lodgings?

"That means I get'a sleep in Daddy's bed with him."

"Aye I suppose it does." Sam smiled at him and then started to explore the area around his bed. Robbie turned back to James, who was watching his son in amusement, as he spoke.

"I called Jean this morning to tell her, and Laura. Didn't want them to turn up and see the house in that state. Jean said she's going down there, to get information on how it started from the fire brigade." Robbie nods approvingly.

"I'll drop you and the bairn off at mine, then head over myself, grab you some clothes. We'll go via a shop to get some quick, easy food and some shampoo and stuff. I suppose you'll want a shower. And Sammy too."

"Thank you. Er, that would be good. We'll come with you though, round trip." Robbie looked at James sternly.

"I know you want to inspect the damage lad, but you can't take Sammy back there. Not yet. He needs you James. Not me...Not Jean or Laura, he needs to be with his Dad." James scowls slightly, but he knows that Robbie is right, and he quickly agrees.

Just then, the doctor comes in, and Sam swivels around, looking guilty, thumb in mouth.

"Well Sam, since you seem intent on playing with everything in sight, I think we can let you leave now, don't you?" The doctor says smiling, giving James a list of things to watch out for should Sam feel ill.

 

****************************************************************

 

An hour later, and both James and Sam are alone in Robbie's house. They had indeed stopped off at a nearby shop and bought some essentials, like toothbrushes and toothpaste. Sam was bathed and dried and curled up in Robbie's fleece jumper, since they still didn't have any clean clothes until Robbie got back. James was trying to stay jovial, for Sam's sake, but he couldn't help worrying about the state that Robbie was going to find his house in. He kept mentally running through the different things that he knew were in the living room and hallway. There was his guitar, Sam's train-set, and various photo's of Sam, Chrissy and himself together, that could now never be replaced. One thing that gave him some comfort however, was that Fluffy had been upstairs with Sam, and so would be untouched by the fire.

 

He started maying them some lunch (baguettes and salad) as he awaited Robbie's return, Sam sitting

on a dining room chair, dwarfed by the seventy year olds jumper that he was borrowing.

"Can I get a jumper like this Daddy?" James turned around and looked at the hilarious sight. Sam had his arms in the air, and the foot of sleeve that was too long, was hanging down to the floor.

"We can try and get you one that fits better Sam."

"Nooo! This one is cosy, all snuggledy and warm." James wisely keeps his peace. The last thing he needs is Sam shouting because he's not allowed a jumper that is about 10 sizes too big for him.

 

He's saved from the rest of the conversation, by Robbie's return.

"Give us a hand lad," he hears the shout from the door and goes into the hall to see Robbie struggling in with a big bag.

"What on earth have you got in there?"

"Well, didn't know how long you'd be staying did I? Come on, your guitar's in the boot of the car, I'm not touching that in case I drop it or something." James smiles and heads out, pulling the other bag and his guitar case out of his friends car.

 

Once they are both inside, and the car is locked up, James touches Robbie's shoulder as the older man makes tea.

"You didn't need to do all this Robbie. I mean, I appreciate it. But you really didn't-" Robbie holds his hand up.

"Look kidda, they don't know when your house is gonna be done with. Forensics hasn't been yet. Figured you'd want to be wearing your own clothes and you'd want some home comforts like."

"Thanks." As he smiles, Sam runs in, having already opened up one of the bags. He's clutching Fluffy and beaming.

"Look Daddy! Fluffy is safe from a'fire! Thank you Unca Robbie!"

"No problem kidda, I thought you'd want Fluffy to cuddle tonight. Your comfort blanket is in there too." Sam nods.

"Fluffy is scared. Needs me to look a'fer him." James smiles at Sam, seeing straight through the statement. He's going to have to keep a close eye on his son come bedtime.

"Come on little man, lets get you into your own clothes and let Uncle Robbie have a shower eh?" He points to the kitchen. "There's a baguette or two in there Robbie."

"Ah cheers lad, I'm starving."

 

When Robbie gets out of the shower, he hears James playing guitar downstairs. Sam is shouting about something and there are suspicious thumping noises to be heard.

He comes downstairs and he can hear James singing.

" _Well I looked over Jordan, and what did I see?"_ Sam pipes up suddenly.

" _Comin' a'fore carrying me to home!"_ The next line is garbled as James tries to sing through his laughter. Sam is to busy giggling to sing the refrain.

" _Well if you get there, before I do.  
Coming for to carry me home._

 _Tell all my friends that I'm a-coming too."_ As Robbie sits down on the chair, father and son sing the final line, smiling at Sam's enthusiasm, as well as his mixed up syntax. Soon after, all of the things that Robbie liberated from James' house, are stowed up in the spare bedroom.

 

They spend most of the rest of the day trying to relax. Or at least, for all appearances they do. James spends the time trying to work out what he can do to keep Robbie and Sam safe while he goes to meet with Harper tomorrow. He's slowly coming up with a plan, its just a matter of getting Robbie to agree. James is determined to do this alone, his theory being that if something should happen to him, Sam is with people who can protect and look after him. He decides to wait until the morning to put his plan across though, right now he just wants to bask in the safe feeling he has.

 

After a dinner of chicken casserole, Sam is becoming very sleepy and James takes him upstairs. Once the child is settled, he heads back downstairs to see Robbie making tea. Once he enters the room, Robbie looks up at him,gesturing towards the living room. They both sit down on the sofa, and then Robbie speaks.

"We need to talk lad."

"We do?"

"James! Harper is expecting the three of us to meet him tomorrow. Whether we do or not, we need to have some kind of plan."

"Not. We do not all go an meet him."

"Lad, you can't go on your own."

"I can and I will." James sighs at Robbie's frown. "Look, this is my mess Robbie. I value everything you've done for Sam and me, with more than I can express. But I can't ask you to walk knowingly into this with me. He's a mad bastard and he means to finish me off. I might have a slim chance, but...well its better than yours in a fight."

"James. Listen to me kidda ok? You aren't gonna like this, but you need to listen." James keeps staring ahead, but Robbie knows that he'll listen. "You my boy, are exhausted. Everyone can see it Jim. Even Sam. And if by some miracle, you manage to stay awake and alert enough to fight Harper, one well placed kick to your knee, and you're down on the floor in agony. Harper will kick seven types of shit out of you." James sighs again. Twisting the mug of tea in his hands.

"I know Robbie. I know. But I can't...I have to face him down. Just...I need you to be with Sam. I need to know that he's safe and with people that can look after him, that'll put up a fight for him. And besides, you heard the bastard. If we don't show he'll hunt us all down. Jean and Laura as well."

"Jean Innocent is perfectly capable of offering and delivering protection Jim."

"No she isn't! For a week, maybe two sure. But for the rest of our lives, of course she can't. I'll always looking over my shoulder, waiting for someone to try and kill me or my son. And then when I'm gone, Sammy will have to live the same way. I can't put him through that Robbie, I need to end it tonight, one way or another."

"JAMES! Its bloody irresponsible. If you get killed tomorrow, aside from the obvious pain and sorrow we'll all feel-" He stops to look at James' raised eyebrow. James really doesn't seem to get how much the people around him care for him. "Don't give me that, we would. You know that I'd take care of Sammy, of course I would. But, as you're so fond of pointing out, I'm seventy. How long do you think I'm going to be reasonably able to take care of a kid for eh? Who's he going to have when I'm gone Jim?" Robbie softens his tone. "He might like me James, even love me like family. But Sammy needs his Dad. He always will, I'm no substitute." James looks away. He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and draws a picture out of it. Its hidden behind a picture of his son.

"I need to finish this for her Robbie," he says, running a thumb over the picture of Chrissy that he's holding."I need to show her that I can look after her child."

"She's _dead_ James. She wouldn't want you to be dead as well. " Hathaway looks like he's been slapped in the face, but he quickly recovers. He nods and then looks at Robbie, sorrow written all over his face.

"I know. I-I used to talk to her sometimes. When I was on my own, not with Sam about." Robbie sees this as an attempt to steer the conversation away from the fact that James is apparently planning to face off to Calvin Harper alone. But he knows its an equally important conversation.

"But you don't now?" James shakes his head.

"I can't any more. I don't know why. I forget what her voice sounded like sometimes. And I feel like I'm failing. I mean, look at me. I'm a wreck, I can't sleep and I'm hardly going to be running in Sam's sports days am I? She'd be disappointed in me."

"Don't be silly James. Of course not. She'd be proud of you"A thought occurs to him suddenly. "When was the last time you visited her, not since you left London?"

"No since the funeral. She was buried here in Oxford, it was in her will, to be buried near her parents. Couldn't bare to travel up here. Fuck, I mean I didn't even go and see her on the one year anniversary."

"In your defence James, you had been paralysed...Has Sam ever been."

"...No. I just, I don't know how to explain it. I didn't know how to explain, still don't."

"You tell me if I'm talking shit James, but I really think you need to go to the cemetery. I'll come with you if you want, or not, I'll stay here and be ready with a cuppa and a distraction for the boy."

"Not talking shit" mumbled James, "Not about this anyway. I think you're probably right. Sammy should be able to visit his Mum. But I'd really appreciate it if you came with us. Don't know if I can do it on my own."

"Course I can lad. We'll go tomorrow morning ok? Now, you need to go up to bed and kip. Take the Prazosin, take the rest of this tea up there and try and get some kip." James nods and stands up.

"Thank you Robbie." Lewis waves his hand.

"We haven't finished with our earlier conversation mind" He says sternly, and James smiles a little.

"We'll see."

"Ja-mes..."

"Night Robbie."

"Night kidda."

 

****************************************************************

 

Robbie hears James shout at about half past three in the morning. That seems to be his prime time to be having nightmares.

"Chrissy...NO!" Robbie gets up but as he gets to the bedroom door, he sees that James is already awake and sitting up, Sam standing in front of him with his arms around James' neck.

"Is ok Daddy. Were you dreaming about Mummy?"From the doorway, Robbie sees James nod and figures that James had been muttering a little bit before his shout in order for Sam to know what he was dreaming about.

"I was Sammy."

"Can tell Daddy. You was saying her name. Lie down now." James gives a weak smile to his son, as he tries to look after him how he's seen his uncle Robbie do.

"You too Sam, come on, you need your sleep too."

"Yes. But I not had a bad dream, so you need'a lie down first." James chuckles softly and watches as Sam checks that he really is lying down before lying next to him and snuggling in to his fathers side. "Need close your eyes Daddy, otherwise you not sleep. You won't dream again." The little boy has such faith in what he's saying that James finds himself complying.

"I hope you're right little man."

"I am." Sam snuggles in even further and then quietly speaks. "Daddy, next time you dream about Mummy, a'member that she in heaven, no one gonna kill her there, she is all safe. Then the dream will go away." Robbie watches as James agrees with his son and brings an arm over to cuddle him, head buried in the little boy's hair. Robbie is prepared to bet that James is crying, however softly. Sam sighs in contentment and James waits until he's asleep before whispering goodnight to him.

 

Robbie goes back to bed, filled with foreboding for the coming day. His heart is already breaking for the little family in his spare bedroom and he can't see anyway that this is going to end well.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure whether this needs a warning, but there is discussion and portrayal of bereavement in this chapter.

Sam had indeed been right; James hadn't had another dream that night. Robbie was glad, the man was in desperate need of a rest, and any hours that James managed to get, Robbie considered a triumph.

James brought Sam downstairs for breakfast, already fully dressed and Lewis knew that James was still ok with their plan to go to the cemetery. It was going to be hard for them all, but it was something that needs to be done.

 

They all bundle into the car and on the way, James asks if they can go to a nearby florist, he feels weird not bringing any flowers. He gets out and crosses the road, and it soon becomes apparent to Robbie that James hasn't fully explained to Sam what this is all about.

"Why is Daddy sad Unca Robbie?"

"Because. He misses your Mum."

"But Daddy said that we gonna go and see her today." Robbie sighs. _Damn it James, this isn't an explanation._

"We're going to see where she's buried Sammy. You do realise that you won't actually see her don't you?"

"Daddy said there's a picture of Mummy there." He frowns a little. "But why is there a picture? Why does Daddy need'a buy flowers for Mummy? She not gonna get them."

"Its what people do Sam," _You'll find out for yourself soon enough kidda, you'll be doing the same thing for others before long._ Robbie shakes his head, he doesn't remember being so morbid before. The little voice breaks through his depressing thoughts.

"I 'pose Mummy can see them from heaven."

"Aye of course she can kidda." Just as he says that, James gets back into the car, putting a bouquet of flowers on the back seat.

"Are these for Mummy?"

"Yes Sammy. You be careful with them ok?" Sam nods as he bends over the seatbelt to have a look.

"Pretty."

No one answers him, there's not really anything they can say.

 

*****************************************************

 

James hesitates as they get out of the car. It's clear that he hasn't been to the cemetery for a while, more than a year and a half according to him. With that said, Lewis notes that James knows exactly where to go. The location might have been too painful for him to visit, but he hasn't pushed it from his mind. Robbie holds onto Sam' hand and slows down a little, giving James time to get ahead. The old ex-inspector has experience of this, James will need the time alone at his wife's graveside before having to explain it all to his son.

 

Hathaway is aware that Robbie is holding Sam back for a little while, and he's grateful, for he's only just in sight of his wife's resting place and he's already fighting back tears. He realises now, that holding this moment off has done nothing but made him feel guilty, and now it hurts more than it normally would.

 

He walks up to the graveside and stands there, not knowing what to do. He doesn't place the flowers in the vase, Sam should be with him for that. James stands there awkwardly, before hesitantly putting a hand on the top of the gravestone.

"I, um...I should have come before Chris. I'm sorry. Should have come and visited. Should have brought our son...but I, er, I didn't. Couldn't face explaining about it all to Sammy. Not on my own. A-And it would have been on my own, wouldn't it? You were always better with teaching Sam things like this. Why...Why did you leave me eh?" The tears spill out as he grips the headstone, knuckles going white.

"You could have shouted out, fought him back. Why did you let that little shit get you? You deserved better." He shakes himself as a wispy recollection of Lewis saying much the same about his own wife stirs in his mind.

"I'm sorry," he continues. And he is, he knows that Chrissy would have fought back, wouldn't have backed down when asked for her money. "I'm sorry that I was at work, I'm sorry that Harper picked on you. I...I should have been there, protected you, took your place." He looks up at the sky, taking a shuddering breath through his tears. He can hear Sam's voice nearby, but not well enough to know what's being said. He can see Robbie and Sam out of the corner of his eye, sitting on a bench, not too far away. Robbie is pointing at the graves and explaining something. The sun is shining and everything is bright, brighter than the world has any right to be in this place.

"I'm scared Chris, so bloody scared. The bloke who got you, his father is after Sam and me. And I-I'm scared...I'm terrified that I'm not gonna be able to stop him, that I'm gonna fail Sam like I failed you." Another deep breath. Time to try and gather some coherent thoughts before he loses control.

"I'm not sleeping again. Like before but worse...I really thought the pills were going to work. I'm...I'm fucking exhausted Chris and I don't know how to fix it. The nightmares won't go away. Sam keeps trying to make me feel better, and it shouldn't be like that should it? I should be comforting him, he's four, he shouldn't feel like he needs to make me ok." A short, sharp laugh exits his mouth before he can stop it.

"Ok? Well, that's a joke. I don't think I remember what ok feels like" There is movement from his left and he sees Sam heading towards him, Robbie following in an attempt to steer the little boy away from James. Before they get close enough to see, he touches his fingers to his lips and then touches the headstone. "I hope you're...ok. Where ever you are Chris. I love you. I love you and I miss you. So...so bloody much."

 

As Robbie heads back to the bench, he thinks that he has done the right thing. James might have been crying when he walked Sam over, but he looks...not happier, he just looks less sad. Robbie couldn't explain it if he tried. He watches, and suddenly he is glad that when he lost Val, Ken and Lyn were old enough to understand nearly everything that was going on. He didn't have to explain to them what a gravestone was, as James is doing to Sam now. He observes how close James is holding Sam as he guides the little boys hand, full of flowers, to the little holes in the standard vase. The two of them talk a little bit more and then Robbie sees the moment when Sam understands. The child turns into James' side and buries his head inside Hathaway's coat. Robbie can hear him crying from where he's sat, and he can see James looking over Sam's head as he hugs him, rubbing his back gently. Eventually, James pulls away a little, and makes Sam look at him. He points to the grave and Sam nods, inching over and giving it a hug as best he can. He looks up at his father and James ruffles his hair, before picking the little boy up and heading back over to Robbie.

"Ok kidda?" James breathes in deeply.

"Yeah...Yeah, I think so." Robbie claps him gently on the back.

"Come on kidda, lets get you both back eh?"

 

*****************************************************

 

As soon as they get back to the house, Sam drags James over to where he knows that Lewis keeps his box of Lego.

"Come on Daddy! Can we play Lego?"

"Of course we can Sammy, lead on." James knows that he needs to be there for his son more than ever at the moment. Be there to distract him from the sadness and to answer any questions the boy may have.

They sit and start to build their...actually James isn't really sure what its supposed to be. Sam has been talking about fire engines, so he assumes that's what his son is trying to build.

"It needs to have space for five firemen Daddy."

"Why's that?"

"Cos need one for doing the ladder, an' two for the hose an' one to tell the other ones what to do." As he speaks, Sam moves four of the little Lego men over out of the pile.

"That's only four Sam. What about the fifth man eh?" The kid roots through the box and pulls out another Lego figurine and a Lego dog.

"The fifth one has a'look after the fire dog." Robbie sits down opposite them in the armchair and smiles.

"Didn't you know about the fire dog James?"

"Thought it was the station cat." he mumbles.

"Nooo Daddy. They haves fire dogs now. Not like when you was little boy." James grins and Robbie can't help but sputter out a laugh. "They has to have fire dogs...you know why?"

"No, I don't Sam."

"You know Unca Robbie?"

"Nope, why do they need fire dogs Sammy?"

"B'cos...a'fire makes all soot and powder everywhere. And if a cat goes to look for the people, then its gonna get all powder on it. But cats not like baths. So it stay all dirty for ever. But a dog likes baths, so they use dogs so they can clean them."

"Ah. Well its changed since I was a little boy then." James says, putting the dog on top of their nearly finished fire engine. Sam nods in agreement.

"Was long time ago Daddy." James laughs.

"Cheeky monkey!" Sam giggles, but apologies by hugging James as he stands up to show Robbie the finished product.  
"That's very good lads. But why is it green?"

"...We ran out of red bricks-" James starts before his son interrupts.

"That's not why. Is green so it mixes in grass an' the bad man can't see it. Then they can put out all'a secret fires."

"Very clever these fireman aren't they?"

"Yeah. An' it was built by my Daddy, so it'll last for ages...unless the nasty men use a fire engine breaking gun."

"Course it will laddie."

 

*****************************************************

 

Sam rushes off upstairs to play and Robbie watches as James moves up onto the sofa, with the slightest wince.

"You're set on this aren't you lad?"

"Yes...Please Robbie. I can't have you on my conscience."

"Kidda..."

"Please..." James runs a hand through his short hair. "Just, drop it."

"I can't Jim. Think of it from my side. You don't want me involved, so I can't get hurt. But you expect me to let you go off on your own, probably to get hurt." James sighs and Lewis continues. "At least come to Jean's house."

"We don't even know if she'll agree Robbie."

"Well, our plan hinges on it. At least come to Jean's. And then I promise, I won't try and stop you" _No, but Jean and Laura will, and you know it,_ James thinks

 

Nonetheless, James phones Jean and asks if he and Robbie can bring Sam over at about half seven. He explains that he and Robbie are supposed to be meeting Harper at eight, and he doesn't want Sam to be there, wants somewhere safe to leave him. Of course he has no intention of letting Robbie come with him, he already has a plan in that department. Innocent agrees readily, telling him to bring things over for Sam to sleep, hey are all welcome to stay the night. James assumes that Mr Innocent must be out of town on a business trip or something. When he mentions that Harper had threatened herself and Laura as well, she tells him to invite Hobson over as well. _Really James, you should have done that already._ He thanks her and puts the phone down. James can hear Robbie talking to Laura on his own mobile.

"Go to Jean's...Yes she's expecting you...Laura please...Your house isn't that secure. Please?" Eventually, Lewis convinces her, or so Hathaway assumes from the relieved look on the older man's face.

 

Lewis glances at his watch; quarter to six. James seems to have done the same, because he gets up without a word and heads into the kitchen. When Lewis eventually follows him in there, there's an assortment of things gathered on the worktop. A large bottle of orange juice stands by a non spill cup and a half packet of bourbon biscuits. Next to these, are James' packet of Prazosin and the really strong painkillers that the hospital gave him. At Robbie's questioning eyebrow, James turns to talk to him.

"To take to Jean's for Sam. I don't know if she drinks juice and he loves those biscuits. Also, I'm going to need the Prazosin later." Robbie notes that he doesn't mention the painkillers at all. They stick it all into a bag, which goes into Robbie's car. Then James tells Sam to get any toys that he wants to take to Jean's with him. Predictably, Sam comes back downstairs with his comfort blanket, Fluffy and a selection of toy fire engines and police cars. They go into another bag, along with a pair of Sam's pyjama's and his toothbrush and toothpaste, which Robbie also stows in the boot of his car. As he heads outside, the finality of their situation suddenly hits him. He realises that there is every chance that James won't come back tonight, that he's going to have to explain to Sam why. And it puts the fear of God through him. His only hope is that Jean and Laura manage to talk some sense into the stubborn bugger. He's surprised that James agreed to go to Jean's house, he must know that they'll have opinions on his plan. But he's not complaining. Not if it means that there's a chance that he'll let Robbie go with him.

But even then, how much safer is James going to be? At the end of the day, James is right; he's not going to be any good in a fight at all. And for all his insistence that James' knee will make it impossible for the man to escape, how likely is it that he'd be able to make a run for it. With all that said though, he still rather go than let James face Harper on his own.

 

When he comes back in, James and Sam are cuddling on the sofa, with heir heads together and Sam is looking a little bit tearful. James is trying to console him a bit.

"It'll be ok Sam. You'll be with Jean and Auntie Laura and Uncle Robbie." Sam doesn't look mightily convinced by any of this.

"Come on bonny lad, into the car, off we go eh?" The little boy gets up, but he takes hold of James' hand almost straight away.

"Go with Uncle Robbie Sammy boy. Daddy's going in his own car." At Robbie's look he continues. "Well how else am I gonna get there. I'll follow you to Jean's You might need your car after." _...because I might not bring it back._ Its unspoken, but Robbie hears it anyway, and then resolutely pushes it from his mind. James picks up a road map, tucking it under his arm, and Sam reluctantly takes Robbie's proffered hand. Lewis secretly hopes that James will get lost and that'll be the end of that. But he knows it won't happen.

 

They get in their cars, and as Robbie pulls out, driving past James' car, Hathaway waves at Sam. Robbie raises his hand back, and then they're off.

 

*****************************************************

 

Its been ten minutes when Robbie glances into his rear view mirror, for something other than driving protocol. He frowns and returns his eyes to the road, worry slowly building inside him. Its the next time he checks that he realises why.

"That bloody minded young..." he mutters angrily, pulling over and straining to see out of the rear window at the oncoming cars. Robbie hits the wheel in frustration. He knows immediately that James has turned off further back to go and meet Harper from here. The lad never had any intention of going to Jean's house. The stupid boy has gone off on his own, despite his best efforts.

"Can you see your Daddy Sam?" He knows that Sam has been periodically checking on the proximity of James' car to theirs. But a quick glance, shows him that there's another car there, similar to James'. Sam probably mistook it for his father's. It overtakes them, and Sam frowns, before looking back again. Strangely though, there is no panic or crying, as Sam settles back down. He eyes Robbie warily before speaking, and that's when everything is confirmed.

"Daddy sayed he had'a go an' meet someone. But he be back later an' he loves me an' I not need to worry. He sayed tell you he sorry as well...but I don't know why." So when James and Sam were sitting on the sofa before they left, he was telling Sam what he planned. This way, Robbie knows what's occurred but he can't go back for him. He has no choice to continue to a place where he and Sam will be safe.

" _He'll_ be bloody sorry when I'm finished with him" Robbie mutters darkly, but he suddenly realises that when James waved at his car, the younger man was on the verge of tears. He was waving goodbye, just in case...

"Are you angry Unca Robbie?"

"Not with you kidda." He sighs, he can't really find it in himself to be angry at James either, its Harper that he's furious with. He's just almost pathologically worried about James. "Come on bonny lad, we'd better go and see your aunties eh?" As he pulls back out into the traffic he can't help himself;

_You look after yourself James lad, see that you come back to your son eh?_


	7. Chapter 7

James turned off at the third set of traffic lights and promptly pulled over. Resting his head on the steering wheel, he took deep breaths to calm himself. He knew he'd hear merry hell from Lewis later...or at least he hoped he would, but it did nothing to change his mind. James knew that if he went to Jean's, they'd somehow stop him and it'd put them all in danger.

He wiped his eyes and consulted the map, easily finding the road out of Oxford, that lead to the farmhouse.

 

He only wished he'd said a proper good by to his son.

 

.

 

Robbie can't help but give a anxious glance around as he ushers Sam out of his car. He grabs the bags as quickly as he can and heads to Jean's front door, not hesitating at all before pressing the door bell.

Laura answers and Robbie is relieved because it means that she actually listened to him, rather than just humouring him,

"Hello Robbie." She bends down to Sam and ruffles his hair. "Hello cheeky." Sam grins up at her, and they all head inside.

Lewis drops the bags in the hallway and he and Sam follow Laura to the living room. Sam sits awkwardly on the sofa. Laura turns to the front door, which is now closed, and then back to Robbie frowning. Before she can voice her thoughts, Jean appears from the kitchen smiling. The smile rapidly leaves her face to be replaced by worry, as she scans the room.

"Robbie...Where's James?"

 

***************************************************************

 

James walks hesitantly into the farm house with a minute to spare, at exactly seven fifty-nine. The building was clearly abandoned a long time ago, the windows are all out and the inside hasn't seen a human being in a fair while. James can't help but wonder why he and Robbie never got called out to a body here; its the perfect place to leave one.

He quickly dismisses that thought from his mind, way too close to home. James realises that he's ill prepared for this. He's only wearing a t-shirt and a thin hoodie and he's already shivering a little. He doesn't have a torch, and its dark in here; he's already hit his shin twice. He'll be lucky if he doesn't turn his ankle over before Harper even shows himself.

 

Harper has chosen this place well, James has to concede. Its out of the way, no passing motorist is going to interrupt them. No police patrol is going walk in, its too far out of the city to check on unless they're acting on a specific tip off. Its damp and cold. Harper doesn't even need to kill him, just beat him senseless and leave him there. Hypothermia will get him long before anyone finds him. Just another stupid middle aged man who had a fight and wandered drunk into the countryside to his end. Wouldn't be hard to make it look like that at all. He shivers, not all of it was down to the temperature.

 

There's a pole on the floor and James picks it up, hefting it slightly in his hands. Its not all that long, and he's probably not that good at hand to hand combat. _Any port in a storm_ , he thinks wryly. _I'm turning to murderers for inspiration now?_ Hathaway doesn't have a plan, just to damage Harper before Harper damages him. Preferably without any actual violence. He's not sure where the law stands on all this, but as an ex copper, he'll be for the high jump if he gets convicted.   
James pokes his head around the door frame to the living room, or what once was the living room.

He hears a noise behind him and spins around, but its too late. A bat slams into his leg and he drops, head buzzing with pain. _Didn't check behind the door. Bloody idiot,_ he thinks distractedly. Lewis words come back to him; ' _One well placed kick to your knee...'_ and he'll be down on the floor in agony. He should have listened. Instead all he can do is grunt in pain and turn his head to see the pole he'd picked up discarded where he dropped it. James makes an attempt to move backwards, gritting his teeth as he pushes at the floor with his left leg. Suddenly, a figure moves from behind the woodworm ridden door and places the bat tip on his chest, pushing until he lies down again.

"Mr Hathaway, that was a basic mistake, I fail to see how you ever made a good copper." James looks up the length of the cricket bat, seeing it rise and fall as his chest heaves against it. He tries to push it away and Harper lightly taps the side of his head with the flat surface. James stops, recognising that Harper has the power to cave his skull in right now, if he isn't careful. He swallows and relaxes as much as he can. "Good choice Mr Hathaway. Now I think we should have a little chat, don't you?"

 

***************************************************************

 

"You let him go?" Jean is incredulous.

"I didn't ' _let him go_ '" Robbie says, "He just went." Sam looks up at them all in apprehension and then sees something in the kitchen and wanders carefully out, trying not to disturb the obviously important conversation going on.

"You could have stopped him!"

"From two cars in front? What was I supposed to do Jean? Go back and look through every _possible_ street he could be driving down, or bring Sam somewhere safe?" Jean deflates. She knows that its not Robbie's fault and that if he'd foreseen this happening, he would have stopped James. There's no point making him feel guiltier than he probably already does.

"I'm sorry, its just..."

"I know. Its ok. Christ but he doesn't make looking after him easy does he? Its easier to take care of the bairn than him." Laura looks around suddenly.

"Speaking of 'bairns', where is Sam?"

 

They here a soft noise from the kitchen and head towards it quietly, slightly apprehensive of when they might find. There's nothing to fear though as Sam is sitting happily on the floor, smiling at a smoky grey cat. He turns to see the adults watching him, and is completely oblivious to the relief on their faces.

"Look Unca Robbie! Auntie Jean has a cat!" Robbie smiles at him.

"So she does Sammy." He turns to her. "Never had you down as a cat person."

"Mr Innocent is the cat person, although Poppy has grown on me. That's where my better half is now actually. He's taking the last two of her kittens down to my sisters, since my niece was keen on adopting one." The cat walks out of the kitchen and Sam follows, politely tugging on Laura's trouser leg so she'll let him past. Giving the both a look, Laura follows him. As she walks away, Robbie suddenly remembers something. He grabs Jean's arm.

"Jean! I know where he is!....When...when Harper made the arrangements, I was there, Jim put the phone on speaker. I know the postcode. Its an old farm house, just outside of Oxford." Jean smiles as she grabs her work mobile.

"I'll get some uniforms out there." She looks at Robbie face, still so unsure. "They'll get there in time Lewis." He shrugs, not wanting to hope to much. He won't believe James is safe until the man walks through the front door. He explains to Laura as Jean talks to the station on her phone.

"Yes, that's the postcode. Quick as you can Michaels ok?".

 

Sam looks up from where he is sitting. Poppy is sitting on Laura's lap, and Sam is sitting beside her, watching the cat and talking away to her.

"Auntie Jean, was that about Daddy?" She looks to Robbie who shrugs. Neither of them know what to say.

"Yes Sam."

"The person that Daddy said he was goin'a meet...they aren't nice are they?"

"No Sam. But its ok, Jean has sent some policemen to help him."

"...They gonna get there in time Unca Robbie?"

"I hope so Sammy." Suddenly the little boy's sidles closer to Laura puts his head on her upper arm.

"I'm scared Auntie Laura. I want my Daddy." Laura put her arms around the little boy and gave his shoulders a squeeze, as Robbie came to sit on his other side.  
"Come on now bonny lad. Don't cry eh?." Its too late though, and Sam twists to bury himself in Robbie chest, tiny sobs shaking him. Robbie hugs him, trying to sooth him as best as he can. But he knows that the one thing that is going to make Sam better is James. They've just got to hope that this all works out ok. Robbie doesn't want to think about what'll happen if it doesn't.

Eventually, Sam stops crying and emerges from his safe place in Robbie's jumper. Jean sees that he needs immediate distraction and she claps her hands together, rubbing them.

"Well now Sam, I think I might have seen some juice and biscuits in that bag. How about we have a few, and then you can help me feed Poppy. How does that sound?" The little boy wriggles off the sofa and nods slightly, reaching his little hand up into Jean's as she leads him into the hallway. Once Jean has pulled the juice out, Sam delves into the other bag for his comfort blanket and Fluffy, clutching them as if his life depends on it.

 

***************************************************************

 

As Jean and Robbie argue about the stunt he pulled earlier, James is being dragged across the old floor, to the dilapidated kitchen. He puts up a token struggle, but he's aware that he's got no chance and so wisely doesn't move too much. Besides, his knee is throbbing painfully.

 

Panic swamps him for a few seconds as Harper slams him onto a dining room chair (one that definitely didn't come from this house, its much to strong and sturdy) and proceeds to tie his hands to the back of it. A swift kick with his good leg catches Harper's shin, but its soon clear that it wasn't really worth it. Harper just grins, and James' left leg throbs more with the movement. All he gets from it is a backhander to his face.

"That won't get you anywhere Hathaway. Just stay there like a good copper."

"I'm not a copper any more. You know that." James can't see anyway out of this and so he figures he might as well go for broke. "I quit the day your murdering bastard of a son killed my wife." He curls as best he can over the punch to his stomach, but with his hands tied, its not really very far.

" _That_ also won't get you anywhere. Except maybe dead quicker." Calvin drags a chair over and sits on it, right in front of James. Close enough that he's a threat, but far enough away that James can't easily get to him. "Because you _are_ going to be dead. I can guarantee you that."

"My death won't bring your son back Harper."

"No, that is true. It'll make me feel a lot better though."

"Killing your thing then? Like father like son. Little shit got what he deserved." As he says it, he's aware that he's pressing the right buttons. Part of him is screaming that he needs to escape, and another part is telling him that if he's going to go, he's going to go down fighting. Hands tied, words are all he has left. Harper shoves him roughly and the chair topples over. He suppresses a groan as he lands on his left arm. Try as he might though, James can't stop the pained cry as Harper kicks him in the chest. He focuses on the pain, takes comfort in the fact that no ribs are broken as far as he can tell. Yet.

The chair is hauled upright, him with it and his face smarts with the accompanying blow.

"Oh, I'm not going to kill you outright Mr Hathaway. I want you conscious when I walk out of here to kill your friends and your son. I want you to be aware of your failure to protect those you care about." James can feel his eye start to swell already and the threatening tears _You leave my boy alone!_ are going to do nothing for the pain. He knows he's have a beautiful shiner tomorrow. Suddenly, he realises exactly how much he wants there to be a tomorrow. He wants to hold his son and taste food and drink tea and he mentally berates himself for giving in so easily. There's nothing he can do, he knows that. But he owes his son to give it all he's got.

"Maybe if you'd spent more time being a father and less a petty criminal, your son wouldn't have been such a despicable human being. Maybe he'd still be alive. Ever thought of that Harper eh? YOU LISTENING?" James roars. He gags on the taste of blood in his throat as a fist slams into his mouth, with enough power to overturn the chair again. He closes his eyes as he receives another kick to his chest.

James hears the scrape of wood on barely there lino and his eyes snap open of their own accord. He had forgotten about the cricket bat. Harper raises it high and brings it down on the side of the chair seat, sending a jarring wave through Hathaway's body. James can feel the power there and braces himself for the next blow, which he is terrifyingly sure is going to come down on him. Sure enough, Harper raises the bat again. James stares defiantly up at him, almost daring.

Suddenly a voice rings out from the doorway. It must be a copper, no one else would know about it. But how did they know?

"Calvin Harper! If you know what's good for you, you'll put that cricket bat down slowly." James watches, as Harper fights with his mind as to what to do. He's scared, if Harper decides to hit him anyway, it'll happen before the coppers can get to him. Mind made up, Harper throws the bat towards the door and runs. Three uniformed coppers run after him.

Someone kneels down beside him and starts to untie the ropes. The chair is dragged away from him and James rolls onto his back, uncaring of the pain that causes, spitting blood out of his mouth.

"Sarge!...Sergeant Hathaway?" He opens his eyes and does a double take.

"Julie?...Its...Mr Hathaway now." She looks shocked but she pushes it aside, and tries to help him sit up. He groans and shakes his head.

"M'fine...go help them...Harper's...a handful." She frowns at him and he continues, "Go Julie...I..w-won't die...promise." She nods and gets up, running the way that the other coppers have gone.

 

Ten minutes later, the three huge cops walk back through the house, Harper with them, held in a very impressive arm lock. James doesn't even have the energy to gloat, he just closes his eyes, finally allowing him self to realise that he's not going to be hit by the bat, not going to die. He feels like he might, but there's a whole, beautiful world of difference between being something, and feeling like something.

 

Once two of the cops have Harper in a police car, they scream off towards the station. The remaining man comes back in to find Julie finally getting James sat up.

"You alright Sarge?"

"Julie...its just James now... M'ok."

"Come on mate, lets get you to a hospital," The copper says. "Can you stand up?" James shifts a little and then winces, shaking his head.

"...My knee."

"Maybe we should call an ambulance then," Julie says, but James stops the policeman from getting on his radio, by grabbing the crouching man's arm.

"N-no. Not hospital..." He swallows down nausea, the pain is more apparent now that he's not on an adrenaline high.

"James you need-"  
"NO!...Please..." Seeing that its futile to argue with him, the uniformed copper sighs as they get him standing.

"Where can we take you then sir?" He answers raises their eyebrows a fair few centimetres. Perhaps if he'd been more with it, Hathaway would have worded the phrase better.

"Jean Innocent's...house...I need...t'see my son."

 

***************************************************************

 

Sam had fallen asleep soon after his biscuits, luckily freshly clad in pyjamas, curled up between Robbie and Laura. They'd all sat in tense silence for a little while. Before Laura broke the silence.

"He'll be alright won't he? I mean...this only happens to criminals." As she said it she knew it was rubbish. She was a pathologist, she'd seen enough victims of violence pass through her morgue. Most of them weren't criminals. Wrong place, wrong time.

"I'm sure he'll be fine Laura." Robbie says with about as confidence as he feels. Again, Jean feels the need to distract them all.

"You're all staying tonight of course. And James when he gets back." They nod, trying not to dwell on the possibility that he's not coming back. "James and Sam can have the spare room. And there's a sofa and a camp bed for both of you."

"Thank you Jean. I really appreciate it." Laura says. Robbie looks towards Sam fondly and gently picks him up.

"I'll take him up to bed. Poor little tyke is knackered."

 

He takes Sam upstairs and lays him in the bed. When he moves away, the little boy whimpers, and so Robbie puts a hand on the child's shoulder and waits until Sam calms.

"I know I'm not your father bonny lad...But I'm the best you've got for the moment." Sam sighs in his sleep and Robbie takes his leave, heading back downstairs.

 

Laura is making a cup of tea as he returns and Jean is on the phone. He takes the cup from her and smiles sadly.

"How was Sam?"

"He stayed asleep. Unsettled though. He needs his Dad. If it comes to it...I'm not going to be enough." Laura rubs his arm in comfort. Suddenly Jean pokes her head around the door.

"They've got Harper in custody. I've just heard from the backup."

"And James?" She looks at Robbie's hopeful face, and looks at the floor.

"He didn't know, they left too quickly." She wishes that she'd looked away before she'd seen the older man's face fall.

 

***************************************************************

 

They've had another cup of tea, and some slices of toast, when the edges of the room light up blue. They all freeze, all thinking the same thing. _Its bad news._ It doesn't occur to any of them that a copper looking for Hathaway's next of kin, isn't going to come to Jean's house. Innocent shakes her head, moving to answer her front door. Robbie and Laura can't bring themselves to move from where they're are sat. Robbie looks up to the ceiling, where Sam sleeps in Jean's spare room. _Stay asleep kidda, please stay asleep._

 

Jean swallows as she gets to the door. These two cops, are her employees. She can't fall apart in front of them. But she has a soft spot for her dynamic duo, and she really doesn't know how she'll take bad news. Let alone how she'll relay it to Robbie.

Taking a deep breath, she opens the door. The sight that greets her is more than a shock. Julie and PC Michaels are stood on her doorstep, holding up a familiar looking frame.

"Ma'am. This is James Hatha-"

"-I know who this is Michaels! What happened?"

"Jean...S-Sam?" James mumbles and her eyes widen, she hadn't even thought he was conscious. He tries to walk into the house and is swiftly caught by Jean and PC Michaels when this fails.

"James?" He doesn't answer, save to moan quietly. Jean sticks her head back into her hallway and shouts. "Robbie! Get out here will you?"

 

He appears and smiles as he recognises James' head. The smile dies on his face as he realises that James isn't even standing on his own.

"What?- Bloody hell."

"Give us a hand Lewis." Between them, Robbie and Michaels manage to get Hathaway over the threshold. This is made harder by the fact that he is doing his best not to put any weight on his left leg.

"R-Robbie?...M'fine...Sam?"

"Sam's asleep Jim, he's fine. You however, are not. Come on, lets get you on the sofa."

"Am fine..."

"No you're not you daft sod." James gasps in pain as he puts his leg down without thinking.

"Easy lad." The three of them head towards the living room and Jean turns to Julie.

"What happened?"

"He was...he was tied to a chair when we got there Ma'am. It was tipped over on the floor, and Calvin Harper was about to hit him with a cricket bat."

"Oh God, he didn't did he?"

"No Ma'am. He brought it down on the chair but not James. Although I can't vouch for the time before we arrived. I think Harper might have taken the bat to his leg earlier." Jean sighed as she saw that Robbie had just managed to shoulder the living room door open, and the two men were now trying to get Hathaway through it. Julie continued;

"He wouldn't let us take him to hospital Ma'am, insisted he was brought here. Something about his son?"

"That figures."

"I think he needs to be in hospital Ma'am."

"Well what Hathaway needs and what he does, are two very different things normally. Thank you Julie" PC Michaels comes back through the door and smiles a little.

"We got him on the sofa Ma'am. Dr Hobson is taking a look at him."

"Thank you, both of you." They nod and take their leave. Soon their police car is roaring off.

 

***************************************************************

 

"Let me look James."

"Its fine...Laura, leave it...I'm fine." Jean walks back into the room, to see James sat on the sofa, thankfully looking a little bit more alert. Laura is trying to get him to lift his hoody over his head.

"At least just lift it up James. I need to see. And you are _not_ fine." In the light of the living room, Jean can see the bruises on his face; his right eye is already swollen shut, and the left side of his jaw is puffy and red. Reluctantly, James pulls his hoody and t-shirt up to real the bruises on his chest.

"Christ James," Laura exclaims, "Is that a boot print?" She looks at Robbie as he peers over. "I don't need you to answer that, I've seen enough." She gently feels along his ribs and tries to ignore the winces when she gets to the bruises.

"Ow! Lau-ra."

"Since you won't go to hospital, I need to check you're not going to puncture a lung when your son hugs you in the morning." James looks at the floor. He neglects to mention the likelihood that he has imprints of the chair in his back. Instead he tries to shift their attention away from him.

"Where's Sam...Want t'see him."

"He's upstairs James, asleep." Hathaway immediately tries to push himself up from the armrest of the sofa, but as soon as his knee starts to straighten, he falls back onto the sofa, whimpering slightly. Robbie's admonishment however, is cut off by a little voice by the front door.

"Daddy?" Sam sounds unsure, like deep down he knows that's his Dad on the sofa. But last time Sam saw him, his Dad was using both eyes, and his mouth wasn't swollen.

"Hello little man. How are you doing eh?" Sam grins and runs over, scrambling up on the sofa. He doesn't hug James right away, obviously aware that James is in pain. Hathaway watches him, until he can't take it any more and pulls the little boy towards him. They all see the wince that he gives (Laura makes a mental note to check his left arm and side again soon), but James evidently doesn't care, as he holds his son close.

"Missed you little man."

"I missed you too Daddy. I thinked you wasn't gonna come back." James' face falls, as it hits him for the first time what his actions have made them all feel, even if he tried to do it for the right reasons.

"Sssh Sammy. I'm back now ok? I'm not going anywhere mate." Laura and Jean leave the room to make tea and some more toast for everyone. As they leave, Poppy comes wandering back in.

"Daddy! Did you know Auntie Jean has a cat?"

"No I didn't know that Sammy."

"Look Daddy, she over there." Sam promptly gets off the sofa, and Robbie could swear James reached almost imperceptibly after him. The kid gently picks up the cat and brings her over onto the sofa, where to everyone's surprise,she quickly settles next to Sam, who is delighted. James smiles as best he can (its just come to his attention, now he is calmer, that his lip is split where Harper punched his face).

"I think she likes you Sam." Sam beams up at him and carefully huddles into his father's side. James buts his arm loosely around the little boy and tips his head back, tears barely contained. Robbie isn't sure if its pain, remorse, or relief that's causing them, but he hope that James gets over it. He's not stupid, whatever James went through to end up in the state that he's in, its going to leave mental wounds as well as the physical ones.

 

Soon, Sam is asleep and Robbie takes him upstairs for the second time that night. This time the child doesn't stir when Robbie pulls the covers over him and that is what lets the older man know that Sam feels alright.

 

When he gets back downstairs,Jean and Laura are stood by the door, fondness and concern on their faces. He looks past them, to see James spark out on the sofa, with Innocent's cat curled by his leg. If it wasn't for the lines of pain on the younger man's face, he'd look quite sweet. Jean whispers to them both, careful not to wake the slumbering James.

"He'll never make it upstairs will he?"

"The poor bloke can't put weight on his leg. And I'm sure that the rest hurts more than he's letting on." Laura says, frustration mixing with the motherly concern in her voice.

"So I'm right in assuming that waking him up to get him up to the spare room with Sam, is going to hurt him a lot?" The other two nods at her. "Right. Robbie, you go with Sam in the spare room, we can't leave him on his own. James can stay on the sofa, I've got a blanket somewhere. Laura...I've got a camp bed and a spare duvet and pillow. You can set it up in my bedroom, or we can move the table over in the dining room if you'd prefer?" Laura considers this, smiling at the offer of a bed. One look at James though, and she's made up her mind.

"I think I'll set it up in here if that's ok. I know he says he's ok, but James should probably have someone with him tonight." They certainly aren't going to argue with her medical opinion and if they're honest, the idea of leaving James alone was a worry to them as well.

 

Ten minutes later and James is lying flat on the sofa, two cushions wrapped in a clean bath towel under his head, and a blanket draped gently over him, pulled up to his chin. He didn't stir once while they were sorting him out, and it looks like he'll actually manage some rest tonight. Laura's camp bed is also set up and after bidding them all good night, Robbie has gone up to the spare room with a sleeping bag, working out how to go about getting to bed without disturbing the little boy sleeping up there. Jean also bids Laura goodnight and the pathologist is quickly under the covers, listening out to check on James' breathing until she succumbs to sleep.

 

***************************************************************

 

Laura awoke thirsty at half past three. She got up as quietly as she could and went to the kitchen to run herself a glass of water. Pausing on the way back, she ran one for James as well, in case he felt the need for a drink in the night. God knows, him trying to get to the kitchen alone would be a disaster.

 

When she returns, James is moving about a little on the sofa, as if he can't get comfortable. She flicks the far lamp on, and it casts just the right amount of light. At first, Laura assumes this is the case; its a reasonable assumption from someone who's seen his injuries. But as she comes back to sit on the borrowed camp bed, it becomes clear to her that the younger man is still very much asleep. He continues to squirm, muttering anxiously to whoever is in the dream with him.

"N-no....have t'go...back...Save him..."

"Hathaway?" Laura asks gently, beginning to have her suspicions as to what is wrong. "James, its just a dream. Wake up for me." There's no response, save a jerk from his leg, which she's surprised doesn't wake him there and then, considering how much it hurt him while he was awake. His muttering becomes much more frantic as he insists that they are two late and it's his fault. Laura isn't sure of what's happening inside his head (she suspects no one really is), but when his dream self murmurs that he's failed Sam, and he'll never forgive himself, she knows that she needs to get him out of whatever situation is mind has put him in.

 

A few careful shakes and taps to his good leg, and he starts awake, gasping in pain as he sits bolt upright. It only takes a few seconds for her to see that his breathing is too fast and too shallow; he must have hurt himself sitting up that fast. She'd place bets that it was his knee, and also that the bruise on his chest, will have developed bigger come the morning.

She places a gentle hand on his back, near his shoulder's where she's fairly sure he's not damaged.

"James love?" Laura says, although she's fairly sure he's not fully in the here and now. "James I need you to breathe slowly for me alright. I know its hurting mate, but I need you to try and breathe through it." She waits with baited breath as he obeys. Its been a long time since she was called upon to use her medical knowledge on someone who wasn't on a slab, and she hopes that she's doing it right.

"That's right, easy does it. There you go, better already." Eventually his breathing evens out, and that's when he starts to seem aware of his surroundings.  
"L-Laura?" he mumbles uncertainly, looking slightly confused as to where he is.

"Yep, its me James. You were having a nightmare, its alright." He nods slowly and then hangs his head, clenching his fists to stop his hands shaking. Laura can make a accurate guess what his dream was about. "He's safe upstairs with Robbie James...Ok?" He nods again, this time looking straight at her and there's no mistaking the fear in his eyes. She sits on the edge of the sofa beside and slightly behind him, grateful that there's enough space, because she's willing to bet he needs this.

"Oh James, come here" Laura says, as she pulls him into an embrace. He buries his head in her shoulder as she holds him, a fearful shudder running through his body. Its when he starts crying quietly, that she realises exactly _how_ much he needs this. He can't let him self do this in front of Robbie. Laura doesn't doubt that Robbie has given him a comforting hug, and she knows he's got to have cried in front of him after a bad dream. But James would never let himself cry into Robbie's shoulder like this, let himself be held like this. Her heart goes out to him, and its almost too hard for her to keep her eyes dry.

"Hey...Its ok. Its all over now, he's in custody, they got him. Come on James, its alright. You're safe. You and Sam are safe now sweetheart." She keeps murmuring comfort to him and slowly but surely, his breathing settles into a rhythm and he falls back to sleep.

 

Laura lies James back down as gently as she can, tucking the blankets back around him. She settles back down, after turning the lamp off and eventually, she too falls asleep.

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

"Can I have some juice Auntie Jean please?" Innocent smiles as she pours some orange juice into a lidded cup for the boy. Content for the moment, he sits on the floor and attempts to coax the cat to him.

"He's not going to be able to walk when he wakes up is he Laura?" Robbie asks, already knowing the answer. James is still asleep on the sofa, and they are under no illusions on about how he's going to feel when he does wake up.

"Probably not no, if yesterday was anything to go by." Lara bites her lip a little and then sighs. "He's still having bad dreams isn't he Robbie?"

"Yeah. How do you?...Oh God, last night?" Laura nods and Jean looks between them, confusion on her features.

"James had a nightmare last night? And what do you mean ' _still having_ '?" Robbie puts the kettle on, and then he turns to Jean.

"Found out when he first came back to Oxford, he's apparently been having nightmares since he was seven. Not the normal 'chased by a monster' ones that every one gets from time to time either; these are the real deal." Hobson nods.

"Well the one he had last night certainly wasn't a picnic." She glances at Sam and the other adults quickly pick up that James' dream involved harm to the little boy. "Probably didn't help that he sat bolt upright and made every part of him hurt in the process, but he was shaking like a leaf." She looks down and lowers her voice, almost as if she wasn't really talking to them. "He fell asleep in my arms like a kid."

"Well, he's going to need help for the time being, and he probably isn't going to accept it." Jean says, traces of a smile and annoyance in her voice at the same time.

"Aye, you're right about that."

 

They hear a noise from the living room but before any of them can decide whether to give James a chance to get himself together before seeing them, Sam jumps up.

"Daddy's awake!" Robbie is just about to stop Sam running straight in, when his mobile rings. Neither Laura or Jean are quick enough to catch the little boy, who is intent on seeing his father.

 

******************************************************

 

"Daddy!" James looks up and grins as Sam runs into the room. Sam hares towards him but then slows to a stop, cocking his head at James. "Does your leg still hurt Daddy?"

"Yeah it does a little bit Sam, why don't you come and sit up here?" In truth his leg hurts a lot. If he didn't know better, he'd have thought he'd dislocated his knee again, it hurts almost as much as the original injury. But its not like he's going to tell Sam that. Just like he's not going to tell any of them that it took him a minute to swing himself into a sitting position when he first awoke.

"Where else does it hurt Daddy?" James snorts. _Every-bloody-where son,_ he thinks, but before he has chance to say anything, Sam is pointing at various parts of his body; 'Here? And there? Wha'bout there?". He doesn't answer as truthful as he could, no need for Sam to know exactly how badly his father was beaten up after all. When Sam gently touches his left earlobe, a mischievous grin on his face, James puts a stop to it.

"That doesn't hurt Sammy. Don't you worry mate. I'm alright." Sam considers this but eventually appears convinced.

"Does your throat hurt?"

"No...why?"

"Can you tell me a story p'ease?" James smiles softly and puts his arm around his son, drawing him closer.

"Ok then little man, but we don't have any books."

"Nooo! Not book story..a. F'om a'head story."

"Oh, you want a 'from the head' story do you?".

"Yeah!...P'ease?" It was a thing he'd come up with in the months following Chrissy's death. James had been aware that he desperately needed a distraction from what he was feeling, otherwise he was in danger of falling apart and he'd be no use to his son then. Three year olds (as Sam had been then) needed attention and love, and James had felt that he was neglecting this. He'd had an intense need to connect with his son and to engage his mind on other things and thus 'From the Head stories' were born. James would sit on the sofa, both he and Sam wrapped in a blanket and he'd tell Sam the he could chose any object in the room. When Sam had chosen, James would try and make a story about it from his head. Sam had loved them, because he never knew what was going to happen. They had stopped having so many because James became aware of the need to familiarise the little boy with words and letters more, so reading from story books happened more often. But now, he was perfectly happy to oblige his son.

"Right then, choose anything in the room Sammy."

"Anything?"

"Yes. Them's the rules kid. " Sam chuckled as James pulled the blanket over them both, and scans the room. Eventually he speaks.

"Want a story about Daddy." James is knocked for six. Sam's never asked about him before. Cars, televisions, and that one memorable time that he had to try and make up a story about a radiator. He doesn't really know what to say, he can't think of anything to tell his son about himself. There's the usual stuff; _I love you and I loved your Mum..._ but Sam knows that and its not a story.

"What kind of story d'you want about Daddy then?"

"One when you were happy." And doesn't that hit him like a punch in the gut. For a second, his mind goes blank. His days at work with Lewis are out, because while he was sometimes happy, he's not telling his infant son about murder and crime and he doesn't think he can 'kiddify' it. His childhood days are out as well really, he doesn't have time to trawl through and find a good moment. Suddenly though, he's inspired.

"Ok little man, Here we go." Sam curls into him and he winces, but the comfort of his son close by outweighs any pain.

"One day, when I was working as a policeman."

"In Osfud or London?"

"In London Sam. One day, I was driving to question someone, and I got a phone call from the station, telling me to go to the hospital."

"Were you sick?"

"No, no I wasn't. But I had to rush there immediately. And when I got there, your mummy was waiting for me, lying on a bed with nurses all around her."

"Was Mummy sick?" James squeezes Sam shoulders a little.

"No. Mummy wasn't sick. But three hours after I got there, I was handed a tiny bundle of blankets and there was something very, very precious and special inside."

"What was it?...A cat?" James laughs.

"No. It wasn't a cat. It was a tiny baby boy. Who do you think it was eh?" Sam thinks for a few minutes, and James can't help but smile at the intense concentration on his face. Suddenly he turns, wide eyed to James.

"...Was it...me?"

"Yes Sammy. You'd just been born and you were all small and pink and you looked at me and I looked back at you."

"Did I say hello?"

"No, this was before you could speak. You were almost half an hour old. But I said hello to you. I gave Mummy a kiss and then I sat next to her bed on a chair and I held you in my arms. And I talked to you, and told you that you were beautiful" _You're perfect son. My little man, that's what you are and I'll protect you for as long as I live. I'll love you for even longer Samuel Robert Hathaway; forever._ James can still remember the exact words he mumbled trough joyful tears to the new life squirming in his arms that day. They'd already decided on his name, as soon as they found out Chrissy was bearing a boy.

"Did Mummy hug me?"  
"Oh yes, you fell asleep in her arms. And then after a little while, we took you home." James smiles a little as he looks down at his son.

"That was the happiest day of my life, the day you were born, and every moment we've shared since." Sam smiles at him and snuggles in for a proper cuddle. "Love you little man."

"Love you too Daddy."

 

******************************************************

 

Robbie came off the phone and he started to speak, but Laura and Jean quickly shushed him, nodding their heads in the direction of the living room. Robbie listened just in time to hear James talking to Sam about how he'd told the little boy he was beautiful. He smiled softly and then whispered to the ladies.

"That was forensics, they're done for the moment, the two of them can go home today." The ladies smile, until Laura frowns a little.

"He's in no state to go home Robbie. He can't walk, and I'm fairly sure he's going to have problems moving about in general." Jean nodded and added her opinion.

"Home maybe. But we can't leave him on his own. Julie had said he was tied to a chair when they got to him. Harper was just about to slam a cricket bat into him. I don't think its wise to leave him to his own devices after that, you know what he's like." Robbie raises an eyebrow.

"I never said I was going to leave him at home on his own. Just take him there. Don't worry, I'll stay with him till he's right."

 

They walk into the room and see the two of them hugging on the couch. There's even enough of a smile on James' face to mask the pain he's feeling.

"How are you this morning lad?" Before James can answer, Sam starts to point out all the places that he'd discovered James was hurting in, before finishing with his earlobe and saying;

"But Daddy not hurt here."

"Well that's good eh?" He looks at James, "Forensics called. You can go back home. The hallway is still a bit soot stained and such but the structure is sound" James smiles and shifts towards the edge of the sofa.

"Let's go then. I think we've intruded enough on Jean's hospitality."

"Don't be silly James. I'd say its been a pleasure, if it wasn't for the beating." he grins at her.

He starts to get up and Robbie frowns at him.

"Sit down James" He stays sternly. He could almost see James shrink like a guilty child for a moment, before there's defiance on his features.

"Not going to get very far sitting down am I?"

"You're not going to get very far anyway are you? Come on, we're going to A&E."

"No way!" James says quickly. "Do you have any idea how long we'll be there for?"

"Aye I do." Robbie has spent a fair amount of time in A&E, both with work and the fact that he had two children. He spent 4 hours one Saturday afternoon, distracting Ken from a broken arm. "James man, you can't walk."

"I can. I'll be fine." Robbie loses his patience, and Laura and Jean are suddenly very glad that they are just watching this exchange.

"Right then! Walk to the car." Robbie says, fully expecting James to realise that he can't and give in. He never thought James would be stubborn enough to actually try it. No sooner has James taken a step, then he's on the floor clutching his knee and trying valiantly not to make a noise.

"See? Bleedin' stubborn sod. You need a wheelchair Jim lad, or at the very least crutches." There's no more anger in his voice, just gentle concern, as he carefully helps James back onto the sofa. He takes in the pale hue of the younger man's skin, as James leans back into the sofa with his eyes closed.

"You know I'm right kidda. Quicker we go there, quicker you can go home." James doesn't answer for a little while, he only moves when Sam's hand appears in his.

"Daddy..." The child's voice is timid and scared sounding. "I think you need'a go hospital. You gone a'not good colour." Opening his eyes, he smiles slightly and squeezes his son's hand.

"Mmmm. Maybe you're right."

"Should listen to Unca Robbie. He knows 'bout this things". James nods and starts to sit up. Jean assures him that her and Laura will look after Sam until they get back from the hospital; there's no need to have Sam stuck in an A&E waiting room if he doesn't need to be. Then Lewis pulls him upright and Jean is quickly on his other side, stopping him from stumbling and falling onto his bad leg. It annoys James that he needs their support to stand, while at the same time he's inordinately grateful for it.

It takes a little while for Robbie to get him settled in the passenger seat. Its extremely difficult, not to move your knee if there's nothing to stop it moving. Once Robbie gets in beside him and starts the engine, James has managed to get control of his stomach again. He's not looking forward to getting out at the other end.

 

******************************************************

 

Its in the A&E waiting room, while trying to stave off the nausea and not move his leg a muscle, that he suddenly has a revelation.

"Christ Robbie, what day is it?"

"Friday kidda...Why?"

"Work...I have to go back to work on Monday. Unless its an training day. Shit, I can't turn up at work looking like I've been in a pub fight."  
"Why not?"

"...I work in a school library Robbie. Wheelchairs don't really work on high shelves. And crutches aren't useful in a room crammed with chairs and bean bags. And parents don't like their kids mixing with a staff member that's clearly been in a fight."

"You'll just have to take some time off."

"I can't afford it! They're already good to me, letting me leave early so I can pick Sam up and accommodating the childcare aspect in. I can't take liberties."Robbie sighs.

"Well unless you can walk fine and not wince at all in the next three days, you might not have a choice kidda." Hathaway looks like he's just about to say something when a voice calls out from the other side of the waiting room.

"Mr Hathaway? The doctor will see you now."

It only takes one step for her to halt his progress and bring a wheelchair over, instructing him to sit in it, and pointing out the room he needs to wheel himself to.

 

******************************************************

 

James has been given a wheelchair and crutches again, although this time, Robbie rather suspects that its the wheelchair he is supposed to be using the most. Surprisingly, James didn't really protest about it. And Robbie has a sneaking suspicion that his other injuries are making the crutches too painful to use for long periods of time.

James has another knee brace as well, this one being much more solid than the other, properly immobilising his knee, instead of merely supporting it. He won't have to wear it for too long, its just being used to stop him from moving it and causing it to swell again.

 

He was using the crutches when they finally got back to Jean's house 4 hours after they set off for the hospital. Robbie tried to make him sit in the chair, on account that every step was making him wince, but James' pride was something else and Robbie soon gave up. James'd rest when they got back to his house, away from others that could witness his perceived weakness. The whole thing was ridiculous according to Robbie, Jean and Laura wouldn't think any less of him, they'd want him to be in as little pain as possible, but there was no making Hathaway see that.

Jean had helped Sam to pack up all of his things into a bag, and the little boy was sitting on the floor playing with a toy police car, while Jean's cat watched with muted interest. He spun around when James entered the room and smiled broadly.

"Daddy. Did the doctor man fix you up?"

"They did mate."

"I thinked so. You not grey any more."

"That's good isn't it. Have you been a good boy for auntie Jean and auntie Laura then?"

"Yes, I just been playing with Poppy and the police car. We did pack everything else up for ready to go home."

"Good boy. You ready to go home then?" Sam nods and James shifts himself around on the crutches to face the ladies. "Thank you so much...for everything. And I'm sorry, for the worry and the inconvenience"

"What inconvenience? James don't be silly, its been no trouble at all." Jean said, smiling. "We could have done without the worry though, you can apologise for that." James grinned.

"Thank you."

"There is one thing though." Laura caught Jean's look and quickly took charge.

"Come on Sam, lets go and help Uncle Robbie load the car shall we?" Robbie frowned at her, unsure what's going on, but he left James and Jean to their conversation and followed Laura and Sam outside with the bags. Strictly speaking, he didn't need there help. When he quizzed Laura about it, she sent Sam back into the house to 'check on his Dad' before turning to Robbie and telling him what Jean was asking James. Once he knew what it was all about, Robbie smiled.

If James went for it, it would be lovely for him and his son.

 

As he headed back up to the house, James came out to meet them, Sam keeping pace with him as he swung himself down the path. The crutches seemed to be taking their toll on him and Robbie hurriedly ushered him towards the car.

 

After saying goodbye to Jean and Laura, (after assurances that Laura would be fine making her own way back to her house) they were heading back towards James' home, Sam excitedly talking about how he'd played with Poppy and how Auntie Laura had told him all about how she was once an 'un'ercover cralinet'.

 

******************************************************

 

Robbie had been right, and out of the sight of the ladies that he held in such high esteem, James agreed to use the wheelchair upon exiting the car. Lewis figured that the bruises must really be causing him discomfort, considering the hatred he knew James felt for wheel chairs.

 

The SOCO's hadn't been lying, there was definitely still some soot damage; the walls and ceiling of the hallway was marred with black streaks. But Robbie noticed with satisfaction that the SOCO's had tried to clean of as much as they could. Not that he was surprised; when he'd visited the property, just after the fire, he'd recognised the crime scene manager as one that he and James had worked with fairly regularly. Jean would have told them whose house it was, and as such they probably did more work than they had to. The SOCO's had always got on with James, moreso than a lot of the other sergeants.

 

All the things in the hallway that hadn't been damaged were in a box by the side of the sofa. James immediately rolled himself over to it and rooted through, before pulling a photo frame out of it and running a finger down the wood. He then set it on the bookshelf and Robbie could see it was a photograph of Chrissy holding a roughly 6 month old Sam in her arms, smiling up at the camera and trying to position the baby in a similar way. The relief on the younger man's face was evident at the discovery that this sentimental memory was intact.

Sam had immediately run over to his train set and inspected all of his trains for damage. Of course there was none, the fire hadn't reached that far in.

"Those blokes have done a great job haven't they?" James mumbled, looking around at his home.

"Fine bunch of lads." Robbie replied, as he realised that the scene of crime boys (and one woman) had even managed to get rid of the smell of smoke. James smiled softly at it all and then made his way over to the telephone and the takeaway leaflets nearby.

"Its not fair for you to cook. And I'm going to use this wheelchair as an excuse that I can't, when in actual fact, I really just cannot be arsed and I feel like Chinese." Robbie chuckled at that, gesturing for James to continue.

"Sounds fair enough to me. Chinese it is."

"Can I have crispy chicken Daddy?" Sam piped up, causing them both to grin.

"Course Sammy. And ice cream. Do you want some ice cream eh?"

"Yeah! Please thank you."

 

******************************************************

 

Two hours later and the takeaway, ice cream and all has been fully demolished, Sam is leaning against James' side (very carefully), holding Fluffy, with his comfort blanket enveloping him, and covering James' legs.

"M'sleepy" he murmured, as he turned into James a little more.

"Me too little man. Come on, I think its time for little boys to go to bed." Sam nodded as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Think its time for Daddies with bad legs and all bruises to go'a bed as well. Otherwise, leg get better too slowly."

"You're probably right Sammy. Up we get, lets get you tucked in then."

"And then Daddy go bed as well?"

"And then Daddy will go to bed as well, promise. Come on." Robbie smiled at Sam's insistence that he was going to watch out for his Dad. The boy reached up for James, before realising that this father wasn't going to be able to pick him up and use crutches as well. He then turned to Robbie, arms outstretched, sighing softly when Robbie picked him up.

"Unca Robbie going bed too?"

"Yeah, Uncle Robbie's knackered bonny lad, happens when you get old."

"I knackered and I not old."

"No. No you're not."

 

They get Sam into his pyjama's and Robbie heads downstairs to commandeer a cup of water for both of the Hathaway's, while James gets Sam brushing his teeth. He remembers to snag the Prazosin from the bag on his way back up. Even if its not working, he feels like James should take it, just in case.

 

Before long, Sam is settled in bed, after insisting that he gets a goodnight hug off both his Daddy and his 'Unca'. James is also now in bed, after having managed to take the knee brace off, since he's not supposed to wear it while he sleeps, instead putting a pillow under the damaged knee to support it. He's taken his pills (although he refused the 'stupidly strong painkillers, on the grounds that he didn't have stupidly strong pain.) Robbie wishes him goodnight, and heads to the spare room, acutely aware that James had been barely awake as he'd left the room. He shakes his head slightly as he gets ready for his own bed; James is a lot more tired than he'll ever let on, and he's never going to admit it, until he can't combat it any more. Which Robbie is sure, will have disastrous results for all concerned.

 

******************************************************

 

Its clear at half past two, that the Prazosin definitely hasn't worked, as James is shouting in his sleep again. When Robbie makes it into his room, the younger man is squirming and there's a mixture of pain and fear on his face. Despite still being asleep, Robbie can see that his thrashing is a lot more tight and contained than it had been previously, as if he's subconsciously aware of the pain he's causing himself.

"Come on kidda, wake up. You know the drill mate." Robbie says quietly as he gently taps James' shoulder. Hathaway grunts but doesn't wake up and continues to shift, pushing Robbie's hand away.

"James. Wake up lad. S'just a dream, you'll be alright." Still nothing, and Robbie knows that James is going to injure himself further if this doesn't end soon. Unsure what to do, he tries a different approach.

"Hathaway! Sergeant, awake now please!" It works somewhat, as James jerks upright, eyes open. But to Robbie's dismay, it doesn't stop there and James is soon stood, crutch less and support less at the side of the bed. He can't be sure that James is actually awake so he lays a hand on the younger man's shoulder. At the contact, Hathaway shrugs his shoulder violently in an attempt to get rid of it. Robbie frowns, James does look awake, but he's not responding in a way that he ever has before. Another attempt to reach James is met with a hard shove backwards and James' chest is heaving, as he looks wildly about the room. At this point, Robbie decides that James is not fully aware of what's happening and he tries once more to calm the younger man. To his shock, James cries out and tries to punch him in the face, backing off in panic.

In the end, Robbie decides that there's nothing for it, he needs to get James back into bed before he damages his leg too much or gives himself a coronary. He grabs James' arm and pins it to the man's back, keeping him in a police hold. Hathaway grunts and starts to struggle, but Robbie holds on, knowing that James' knee and general weakened state are enough to ensure he'll be able to keep his grip.

 

Slowly but surely, James' breathing slows down and his clenched fists relax where Robbie has hold of his wrist. The lad's heart is beating ten to the dozen, and Robbie is scarily sure he wasn't far off about the idea of James having a heart attack.

"R-Robbie?"

"Jim? You back with me bonny lad?" There's a nod from the younger man and Robbie releases his hold carefully.

"What?..." The poor man sounds so confused and Robbie knows immediately that James has no idea that he's just tried to attack a friend. The man can't even work out why he's stood up.

"It was a dream kidda. No harm done, come on...back to bed with you." James complies mutely, accept to whimper where his mind has caught up with the pain in his knee. "That's it Jim, legs on the bed, good lad...Now lie back down, soon have you back to sleep again." The fog seems to clear from James' eyes for a short while and he's quickly trying to sit up once more.

"Did I...try t'hit?...M'sorry R'bbie."

"Its ok kidda, like I said, no harm done."

"N't ok....very n't ok."

"Sssh lad. You worry about getting back to sleep mate. We'll talk in the morning." And they will, because this needs to get itself sorted out before James manages to become a real danger to himself.

"I can't...don't...m'really tired."

"I know lad. We'll get it fixed" Robbie soothes, finding how disorientated the man is, both sad and scary. "You're exhausted kidda, back to sleep, go on." James nods and soon enough, his confused muttering ceases and he falls back into slumber.

 

Its been less than five minutes before James starts to whimper quietly and clench his fists in the covers. At a loss what to do, he finds himself gently rubbing a thumb along James hairline, as he had done countless times for Lyn and Ken. Ken in particular had gone through a phase where he had a fair few nightmares, although Robbie doubts it was anything like James experienced at a young age. If James was awake now, he'd never let Robbie calm him in this way, but he's asleep and if it takes Robbie treating James in the same way he treated his infant son to achieve that, then so be it.

 

Once he's satisfied that James will stay asleep, Robbie finally leaves the beside and goes back to his own borrowed room. Sleep doesn't come easily to him, and he suspects a lot of that is the memory of James being totally unaware of what was going on around him, and completely bewildered by the world once he was eventually awake.

 

Oh yes, they need to get this sorted, there's not a single doubt in Robbie's mind about that.


	9. Chapter 9

Robbie is buttering six slices of toast when he hears a noise behind him. He turns around to see James wheel himself in to the kitchen, avoiding his gaze.

"I'm so sorry Robbie."

"What?" Robbie asks, confusion on his face.

"...Last night."

"Don't be lad...How much of it do you remember?"

"Nothing really. First I knew about anything was snapping awake to you having me in a police hold." James hangs his head and takes his hands off the rim of the wheels, placing them in his lap and fidgeting. "Which means that I must have attacked you."

"James its ok."

"How can you say that? You've been nothing but kind to me and Sam and I tried to hit you!...Didn't I?"

"Yeah, you pushed me away and tried to punch me in the face." Robbie sighs as he puts the toast on the side and leans on the worktop nearer to James. "But you didn't know you were doing it Jim, you were asleep."

"No excuse."

"Really? James, you couldn't even form sentences kidda. You only just about managed to tell me that you were really tired. Which I didn't need telling, I could – and still can – see that mate."

"I don't know what happened."

"What happened, is that you are exhausted, physically and mentally bonny lad. Your body can't cope with the sleep you're not getting, on top of the beating that you received. " James absent-mindedly touches the bruise on his jawline. Robbie continues; "And your mind certainly can't. The bottom line kidda, is that you need to see someone and get this sorted."

"I still shouldn't have hit you. Why would I want to hit you?" Robbie looks at James, trying to work out the best way of explaining. He's not sure why James seems to be finding this so hard to grasp. It distantly and disturbingly occurs to him that this could just be an indication, of exactly how tired the younger man is.

"You didn't _want_ to Jim. You were dreaming and you panicked. You woke up too quickly to process that you were in your bedroom, not wherever your dream was. Probably thought I was whoever you were fighting with."

"Harper." James says quietly. "Julie didn't get there in time..."

"Kidda..."

"Dunno what to do Robbie."

"See someone." Robbie says decisively. "Sooner rather than later." James frowns a little and Robbie interrupts what ever the younger man was about to say. "What happens when I go home eh?"

"...What d'you mean?

"What happens when I don't wake you up? When Sam comes in to make you feel better. What if you react like you did last night Jim? I can take a punch to the face, Sam on the other hand..." James' face drops as he realises what Lewis is saying.

"No...N-no I wouldn't, I...shit. Robbie where do I go? Who do I see?"

"Hey, hey...calm down Jim. We'll figure it out. First step is probably going to be seeing a quack mate." He stands up and rubs his hands together. "Righto then. Where's that lad of yours eh? Toast'll be getting cold."

 

*******************************

 

James struggles up the stairs to Sam's room with the crutches. When he gets there, the little boy is very much awake and sitting on his bed, fumbling with the zip on his jumper. There's a scowl on his face as he slams the zip ends together in an attempt to get them to stick. James watches fondly for a few minutes before swinging himself into the room and lowering himself onto the kids bed.

"Can't do it Daddy."

"Let me give you a hand eh?" Sam nods, but he hangs his head and sniffs as he turns to give James access to his zip. When James has zipped him into his jumper, he mumbles his thanks quietly and then stays on the bed, swinging his legs, head still pointing at the floor. James puts an arm around him and gives him a squeeze.

"Hey what's wrong Sam? Its ok that you couldn't do your zip mate."

"Not ok." Sam says as he shakes his head. James sighs mentally. From his own experience, he knows that convincing a child that they have to do things right first time, isn't the way to go about bringing them up. He never wants Sam to think that he's less of anything just because he can't manage a task.

"Course it is little man. You just need practice. Its fine to get things wrong sometimes Sammy."

"But I not helpful." _Ok I'm lost kid, You're going to have to explain this one to me._

"You're a very helpful little boy Sam."

"But your arms and side bits hurt and I wanted a'do zipping on my own so you not have come upstairs with the cutch." He doesn't correct the boy's pronunciation.

"I'd have come up to see you anyway."

"Sure?"

"Course I'm sure." He gives his son another squeeze. "How about we do something today mate? "

"Like what?"

"I'll have a think about it shall I? Come on, Uncle Robbie has made us toast."

 

They make their way downstairs and Sam seems to have perked up a little. James had been careful not to tell Sam that his arms and 'side bits' were pain free, that would be lying and Sam would sure as hell call him out on it if he was seen wincing.

Robbie had found some cheese in his fridge, that was still edible and had converted the toast into cheese on toast when he realised that James and Sam wouldn't be down before it was cold.

"You've got nothing in James," It was understandable since they hadn't been shopping since before the fire. "I'll pop to the supermarket in a bit"

"Sounds like a plan." Something in the way James says that makes Robbie stop.

"...on my own."

"I can-"

"Jim, I'll be fine getting some shopping on my own. You're in a wheelchair mate, its more effort than its worth." James opens his mouth but Robbie carries on. "Spend some time with your son eh?" James grins and nods. Its clear he needs no second bidding.

 

They finish breakfast and Sam becomes fairly insistent.

"Daddy! You said we gonna do something...What we gonna do?"

"What do _you_ want to do Sammy?"

"Something together!" James smiles.

"I'm off, do you want anything specific?"

"Chocolate!" Sam shouts happily. "...Please?"

"We'll see kidda eh?" Robbie replies, exchanging a look with James, the slight nod the father gives him is all he needs. Robbie's answering look, is one that clearly says ' _Don't get yourself into any trouble while I'm gone.'_ James smiles as Robbie leaves, before turning to his son.

"What's the weather like Sammy?" The boy runs to the window and peers out.

"Sunny. It looks warm outside."

"Right then, I've got something we can do. Lets go and get you into some old clothes eh?"

 

*******************************

 

Ten minutes later, both clad in old tracksuit bottoms and t-shirts, James and Sam make their way into the garden. The little boy had been right, it was warm outside. James rolls over to the shed and instructs Sam to grab the trowel that is hanging up in there. After some...difficult wheelchair manipulation, there's a small pile of trowels, gardening gloves, seed packets and a full watering can on the grass.

James lowers himself down onto the floor beside his son and together they start to break up the earth, ready for seeds to be planted. Sam is asking all sorts of questions and trying to find out what they are going to plant, while James tries to teach him a few of the plants Latin names. It soon becomes clear that while Sam's memory can handle it, he'll need to be a few years older, before his mouth can get itself around the words.

 

After a while James becomes acutely aware of an ache in his leg, starting at his knee and levers himself back into the wheelchair, content to watch and instruct Sam (who blossoms under the knowledge that he's being trusted to do it alone) and soak up some warmth. As he sits there, watching his son confidently stride around the patch of earth, he gets lost in some memories.

 

_When James came home from work, he found Chrissy sitting on the hallway floor, Sam cradled in her arms. They were both sitting where Sam normally waited for James. He raised his eyebrow questioningly as he took it all in. After the day he'd had, his mind couldn't conceive that there might have been a good reason for this. All of his thoughts and conclusions however, were scattered as his son swivelled in his mother's arms._

_"DADA!" Sam gurgled. "DAAAADA!"_

_"Hello little man. Good day?" The question was directed at his wife as much as his son._

_"Yes," Chrissy smiled. "Our boy has had a very eventful day." At James' perplexed expression, she smiled again._

_""Ah! Dada...AH!" Sam squealed at him and Chrissy stood the little boy up, keeping a firm hold on him as he strained to get to his father, stamping his foot._

_"Sit on the floor where you are James." He did so, and Chrissy scooted forward a little, Sam wriggled harder as he got moved closer to his Dad. She got him stood properly again and let go, hands nearby in order to catch him if he fell._

_"Go on Sammy...Go to Daddy, he wants a hug. Be ready to catch him love." No sooner had he realised that he was no longer being restrained, Sam lurched forward, heading towards James with tiny steps. James held his hands out and Sam had laughed and reached towards them, tottering unsteadily towards his father._

_He made it to James' outstretched arms and collapsed into his Dad's lap, smiling and gurgling to himself._

_"Well done mate. We'll have you playing footie in no time." There was laughter in his voice and his eyes had shimmered as Sam had reached a pudgy hand up to his face and planted it on his chin, smiling contentedly._

_"Dada..." The little boy sighed, his hands circling around James' waist. "Ah bruh capa Dada" James pulled the little boy into a proper embrace and smiled into his hair, making Chrissy's heart melt as his own had warmed._

_"That's right little man," he smiles._

 

"Daddy! I finished the seeds, what we need to do now...was you asleep?"

"No mate, I was...thinking. I think we need to water them now don't we?"

 

*******************************

 

Robbie comes back, it only takes him a few minutes to work out where they are from the happy laughter coming from the garden.

Sam is standing next to James' wheelchair and they both have hold of the garden hose, liberally spraying the garden with water. Sam is giggling almost silently, as he tries to turn it onto James. Seeing that this isn't going to work, he lets go of the hose and runs into the stream himself. James is trying to discipline the kid through his laughter, but its clear that he can't really think of a reason why Sam having fun is wrong so he gives up, rolling over to the garden tap and turning it off. Sam frowns as the water shuts off, but he's soon occupied with something on the ground.

Robbie walks over to James and rests a hand on one of the wheelchair handles. The pressure registers straight away, and James jumps, startled.

"Robbie!" He exclaims, slightly louder than he probably intended, as he twists in the seat to face his friend. Robbie sees in his eyes, that whatever happened between Hathaway and Calvin Harper, James is still a bit haunted by it.

"Sorry lad." He says, resting a hand briefly on James' shoulder. "You're alright."

"Nothing to apologise for. It was silly of me.

"Wasn't Jim, I should have thought."

"I'm ok. Just a bit jumpy I suppose." At that moment, Sam comes running over, hands cupped together.

"Unca Robbie! Daddy! Look at what I did find."

"What have you got there kidda?" Robbie says, crouching down so he's more level with both the child and James in wheelchair.

"'Pider!" Sam says happily, and opens his hands to reveal a medium sized spider, which for now is just sitting in the boy's palm. Robbie quickly glances to his left and see that James has gone pale and is sitting as far back in the seat as he can. He suddenly recalls a case that they worked, probably over ten years ago. James is terrified of spiders.

"Where did you find him?" Robbie says, aware that James is not happy at all with how this is panning out.

"Over there" Sam says pointing at where they've just been watering the garden. "He was all wet an' fallin' in a'puddle. I gonna put him in a dry place."

"That's very good of you lad. Why don't you go and let him go?"

"You wanna hold him Daddy?"

"N-No you're alright Sammy. You better go and let him go, like Uncle Robbie said." Sam starts to walk away and then comes back, with the spider still.

"Why you not want to hold him Daddy?"

"Daddy doesn't like spiders little man."

"But why?" James decides that its best to be honest with his son, otherwise what example is he setting?

"I'm scared of them."

"That's silly." Robbie grins a little, seeing James being told what for by a small four year old. "He's not even the size of your hand Daddy."

"I know that Sam. But they make Daddy scared."

"Should try not be scared Daddy. Nothing to be scared of." James didn't answer that, Sam had come closer to him with the spider and he seemed to have lost the power of speech.

"Sam kidda," Robbie intervenes, "Go and let the spider go eh?" James is looking at him with an 'I love my son but make him take that devil creature away from me' look. Sam nods, but doesn't move.

"What if he has a family, then I gonna split them up."

"He'll find them again Sammy."

"But what if he doesn't? And then the baby 'pider and mummy 'pider will think he dead and they'll be sad." Robbie soon convinces the little boy that the spider will re-join his family (he thinks it inappropriate to explain that male spider don't stick around, or that they get eaten by the females more often than not). Sam asks James if he'll come and let him go with them. James just shakes his head.

"Daddy..." Sam says, all exasperation and impatience. "He a tiny little 'pider. He can't hurt you."

"They bite Sammy."

"Well he not bited me! Cos I did save him, so we friends. I does think someone lied to you Daddy. Should probably track them down and 'rrest them." Robbie laughs as Sam turns on his heel and goes to let the spider go on a nearby plant.

"Well, he told you good and proper lad."

"That he did" James smiles. And then shivers. "Bloody spiders."

"He's a good kid James, all he wanted to do was save it. There are plenty of kids that would have drowned the poor thing."

"I know. Just wish he didn't bring it to me." Lewis snorts and pats James' shoulder.

"Come on then, inside we go."

 

*******************************

 

Once inside, James rings the doctor and manages to get himself an appointment for the same evening. He's not sure how it happened, but he and Robbie come to the shared conclusion that Jean has had a hand in it somewhere. Robbie notes that James seems a little bit more relaxed now that they are moving along. They've still got a few hours before James needs to go, and Sam is busily trying to convince James that he should be allowed a pet spider. Its not really working, but not only because of the fear he has. He has another plan in place, but its a surprise and Sam can't be allowed to know until its all ready.

 

Soon after, Sam gets his Lego out and starts to build something, demanding eventually that Uncle Robbie helps him to build another fire engine. Robbie does so, eager to distract Sam from his new found love of spiders, since its really going to do nothing for Hathaway's nerves.

 

Once they have fitted the wheels, Sam suddenly grabs hold of Lewis' arm.

"Sssh. We got to be quiet Unca Robbie...Daddy felled asleep." Robbie looks up and smiles fondly at James. The younger man has slumped in the wheelchair (Robbie is actually fairly surprised that James hasn't made an attempt to sit somewhere else if he's honest). Even with his legs stretched out in front of him as much as the brace will allow, he's too tall and his head lolls back off the back rest. Robbie gets up, deciding that sitting on the floor like that is not good for his back, and heads upstairs to grab a pillow. Upon his return, , he carefully wedges the pillow in between the wheelchair handles and gently positions James head so that he's resting comfortably on it. Satisfied, he sits back down next to Sam and they continue building.

 

James wakes up at five o'clock and Robbie realises with a jolt, that this is the first time in a very long while that he's witnessed James wake up of his own accord, instead of in fear.

"Evenin' lad."

"What's s'time?"

"Five, you've got an hour mate."

"Can't remember if my car has petrol..." Before Robbie has time to do much more than look at James incredulously, Sam walks over and stands directly in front of his father.

"You not allowed to drive Daddy. Your knee will hurt and then you crash." The little boy carefully sidles around James' bad leg and hugs James' torso as best he can. "...Don't want you to crash Daddy." he mumbles quietly. James swallows and puts an arm around Sam.

"M'not gonna drive mate. Don't worry, no crashing ok?"

"I'll drive you James. And pick you up. Sam and I can go to the park in the meantime."

"Thank you."

 

*******************************

 

They've been in the park for little over an hour when Robbie gets a text off James to let him know that he's done.

He looks tired when they pick him up, but then the stubborn sod did insist on crutches, which are bound to be a challenge if he's been sitting down all day.

"What did they say then kidda?"

"Don't know. Could be sleep apnoea, could be nocturnal seizures. Could be something else." James ducks his head a little, and Robbie can see that its freaking the man out a little bit. "Got an appointment at the sleep lab in town on Monday night.

"That's good son. See told you we'd get it all sorted, didn't I?"

"Its not sorted. Not yet. What if they can't fix me?"

"One step at a time Jim. We'll get there, it just might take a bit of time." James nodded and leaned against the window.

 

*******************************

 

They passed the rest of the evening watching television with a break for a dinner of sausage casserole, made from the ingredients Robbie had bought earlier. One of which was a packet mix for that very dish.

 

After a fair while, it is clear that both of the Hathaway's are falling asleep. He taps James on the shoulder and smiles as the man blinks and peers up at him.

"Bed time lad. You and the bairn are nearly gone." James nods and Robbie takes Sam upstairs. He returns and hauls James upright, before helping him up to his room. It takes barely any time at all for James to get himself ready for bed and he's asleep less than ten minutes after he wishes his son good night.

 

Robbie goes back downstairs, and cleans up the kitchen after dinner. He makes himself a cup of tea, and then puts away the dishes.

 

He gets his pyjama's on and heads to the bathroom, and gets into bed. He feels better about everything, now that he's managed to get James to accept help, and go through with it.

 

However they don't realise how trying that night is going to be for both both them.

 

*******************************

 

Robbie wakes at half three to Sam tugging on his arm.

"Daddy dreamin' again Unca Robbie. Need'a help him" Robbie sighs. They head towards James' room together and Robbie gets Sammy curled in the chair, covered with his comfort blanket.

Hathaway is shifting restlessly and mumbling to himself, obviously in a bit of distress. Robbie learnt his lesson last time, and he doesn't shake James, instead just touching his arm and talking to him.

"Sssh, you're alright kidda." He hopes that he can just get James to go back to sleep without waking the man up. Sam falls asleep on the chair and every now and then he snuffles in his sleep.

"James mate, calm down, you're safe bonny lad." Hathaway quiets and his breathing falls into a regular rhythm. Robbie takes the chance to put Sam back to bed. The little boy is still half asleep and he has his arms around Robbie's neck. It takes Lewis five minutes to detach the little arms, since Sam seems determined to stay on Robbie's hip.

 

When he eventually gets back to James' room, Hathaway is whimpering and shifting again. His brow is furrowed and he looks scared. Robbie is convinced that waking James up isn't the answer, he won't necessarily be able to get back to sleep and he might well be in the same state he had been the night before.

"Its ok. Stay calm. Its ok sonny." He rubs James' shoulder. James calms down a little and Robbie sits back in the chair, watching him carefully.

 

James doesn't stay settled for longer than an hour all night, and Robbie doesn't have the heart to leave him there.

One thing is for sure, he's glad that James has an appointment with the sleep lab, because he's not sure how much longer his younger friend is going going to be able to cope.

 

There's a blanket on the bed and Robbie draws it around himself as he gets himself comfortable on the chair, resigned to the fact that he's going to spend the night there.

 

"You owe my back one kidda." He mumbles semi grumpily before his face softens. "It'll be alright bonny lad, promise."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are brief mentions of the possibility of violence to a child in this chapter. Its nothing graphic, and its nothing to do with Sam. But if the discussion of it is a trigger for you, please don't read this chapter. There will be a more detailed and spoilery note in the end notes, if you would like to check its not triggering before you read.   
> This way, if the content will not trigger you, then you can go a head and read without being spoiled, but if you would like to check, you can skip and read the notes without having to read the chapter...I hope this is ok. If its not, please let me know.

When James wakes up in the morning, he feels like he hasn't slept. Blinking his eyes open, he sits up and frowns as he spots Robbie asleep in the chair. He doesn't remember being woken up in the night, and so he hasn't the faintest idea why Robbie would be asleep in the chair when there's a perfectly good bed down the hall.

Puzzling still, he sits on the edge of the bed, and straps the knee brace in position, after putting on some jeans. He's becoming more confident at balancing and he figures he's had enough practice at using crutches by now to be fairly adept at staying up right.

However, there's a fine line between confidence and cockiness and James realises this as he stumbles back and lands on the bed heavily. Just as he's sitting up, he hears a voice behind him.

"You alright?"

"Yeah...thanks. Landed on a soft bed." James gets up and folds his arms into the crutches, before shifting his weight onto his right leg, looking sheepish. "Urm...Why were you sleeping there?"

"Came to check on you...must have just fallen asleep." James raises an eyebrow with scepticism.

"What happened Robbie?"

"You couldn't settle." James looks at the floor, embarrassed. "You slept better when I was there."

"How could I know you were there?" James says quietly and Robbie knows that the younger man is wrestling with his feelings.

"James..."

"How would I know if I was asleep? I know I didn't wake up last night. How would I know you were there?" He demands.

"...I don't know how asleep you were, but I was talking to you and rubbing your shoulder and then you stopped whimpering so much."

"Like a kid."

"James it got you to sleep."

"Shouldn't need to be sodding comforted to sleep!"

"Jim. Its not a problem."

"Not to you maybe." James sighs and sits down again.

"James kidda...What's wrong mate? Why is this different to me needing to wake you up from a bad dream?" He watches James carefully, as the younger man struggles to work out what he's trying to say. Finally James rubs his head and sighs again.

"Everyone has nightmares. Not as many as me granted, but if you weren't here, I'd wake up on my own."

"On your own and terrified...how is that a good thing?"

"Because it means I'd be ...I dunno ok? Sure I'd be awake and scared at three am, but I'd be sorted after a little while. Go to sleep, wake up, freak out, go back to sleep. I can deal with that, I have dealt with that"

"But?"

"But not being able to stay asleep without something there to make it happen...I'm 43, I'm responsible for my four year old son. How long can I look after him when I'm not even getting the sleep before a nightmare? Something will have to give eventually and...and I'm terrified that it'll be him."  
"James I don't understand."

"Either I give. Or Sam does. I know what lack of sleep does to people, and I know I'm getting worse." James puts his hands on his thighs and Robbie can see them shaking. He's no longer sure whether its emotion, or a neurological symptom showing just how tired the man is. "Either my heart gives or I collapse or something, and I leave Sam to fend for himself...or something happens to him and I'm too wrecked to save him and then he...he leaves me."

"We wouldn't let that happen Jim. Me, Jean and Laura wouldn't let anything happen to Sam...or you."

"You've all got better things to be doing with your time than watching me to make sure I don't let my son hurt himself." James bangs his now clenched fist down onto his good leg.

"Hey, that's not going to help. Look mate, you've got the sleep lab tomorrow night. They might have the answer."

"What if they don't? I don't know whether I want them to find something or not." Robbie blink at him in confusion.

"What do you mean? I thought you wanted an answer?"

"I do. But...the GP only actually mentioned two things; sleep apnoea and nocturnal seizures. I doubt its the apnoea, I mean I'm fairly sure someone would have noticed if I periodically stopped breathing since I was seven." Lewis looks at him sadly as he works out what's worrying the younger man.

"The idea of seizures scares you?" Hathaway nods.

"Wouldn't it you? What if they were to progress, and I started having them in the daytime? Or I have a really bad one in the night and, I dunno, stop breathing completely or something."

"Hold your horses lad, you've not even been tested yet. You're worrying over things that might not ever happen. You need to stop thinking Jim, which I know is hard with a brain your size, but you need to try."James smiles thinly at the jibe about his intellect, but its gone almost as soon as it appears.

"I'm scared", James admits and Robbie knows exactly how true that is, if only from the fact that the younger man had actually admitted to it

"I know lad. I wish I could just make it all better, but I can't." He gets up ad puts a hand on James' shoulder, patting it gently. "Whatever they say mate, I'm not going anywhere okay?"

"Thank you." James replies quietly. He stands again and Robbie can _see_ James push everything to the back of his mind. "I need to go and phone the school. I'm not exactly going to be any use as a librarian if just reaching to get things on shelves is a safety hazard...Come to think of it, I'll probably have to fill out a risk assessment in order to bring the crutches onto the premises. One for each crutch, like as not." Robbie grins as James heads downstairs, muttering nearly the whole way down about 'health and bloody safety'.

 

**********************************************************

 

Sam comes barrelling down the stairs five minutes later standing in the kitchen and shouting his greeting.

"Mornin' Daddy! Mornin' Unca Robbie!" James turns and gives Sam a big smile when he sees him.

"Mornin' little man. Hey, you're already dressed." Sam nods, beaming.

"Did it all by myself. Look, I founded my Fireman Sam top!"

"That's good mate."

 

They're sitting at the breakfast table, eating cereal, when Sam pipes up.

"Daddy, when your knee is all better, can we go the park?" James opens his mouth to explain again that his knee is never going to be fully fixed, but Sam pre-empts him. "Not all better and fixed, but so it not hurts and you not need the cutches."

"We don't have to wait that long. I think I can handle a trip to the playground. What do you think?" Sam doesn't even need to answer, the grin on his face says it all.

"Right. But we have to be back for three o'clock, because Jean is coming over Sammy."

"What for? More police things?"

"Nope, its s surprise."

"Daaaadiiiie, what is it?"

"You'll find out later Sammy boy, come on...shoes."

 

On the way to the park, James discovers that he's able to put a little bit of weight on his left knee now and he smiles to himself, because that means he'll be off the crutches soon. It also means that he's fully justified in leaving the wheelchair behind. And he'll soon be able to take the damn solid knee brace off, and go back to the more flexible one that he could wear under his trousers which didn't make him look like some sort of bionic man.

Robbie had decided to stay back, saying that he was going to go back home and get some clean clothes, and check non his flat. James knew that he should be insisting that Robbie stayed home and he didn't need to be looked after any more, but he knew that Lewis wouldn't buy it any more than he did. So after making sure that Sam knew that he couldn't play football or chase him, they'd set off to the park, as Robbie drove towards his home, equipped with James' spare key should he get back before the Hathaway's.

 

It wasn't particularly warm, the balmy weather that they'd had for the gardening seemed to be a one off. So James was glad that he'd insisted on Sam wearing his coat. One advantage of the cooler weather was that the playground was almost deserted. James sat on a bench watching as Sam tried to conquer every separate piece of apparatus. He got up hastily as Sam headed towards a large climbing frame that wasn't designed for four years old, even ones that weren't too far off five. However Sam didn't seem that bothered about not being allowed on, instead rushing over to the swings and begging James to push him on them. Once James had found a way to balance on one crutch and push Sam with the other, he quickly found a rhythm, which brought happy shouts from Sam as he twisted around to grin at his Dad.

 

Soon after that, they headed home, Sam was getting hungry and James was feeling the need for a paracetamol. The bruises he'd sustained had all but disappeared, but his knee was still giving him pain. No where near as much as it had when Julie and Michaels had first driven him back to Innocent's, but enough to get on his nerves.

 

When they got in, Robbie was sleeping in the armchair, his feet propped up on his now presumably refilled holdall. James felt a large twinge of guilt, after all, it was his fault that Robbie hadn't go too much sleep the night before. However, before he could tell Sammy to be quiet, Robbie stirred and smiled at them both.

"Have fun boys?" Sam nodded and ran over to the older man, climbing onto his lap.

"I did play on the swings Unca Robbie. Daddy did push me and I went really high, like an aeroplane." Robbie's eyes widened as he listened to the little boys story.

"Really? Could you see all of Oxford from there?" Sam considered this as he scrambled down from the chair, heading towards where he knew that paper and pencils were kept.

"Hmm. Not really. But did see all of the park." He then set to work on the floor, trying to draw an aeroplane, as James walked into the room with a plate of sandwiches.

 

James had made Sam a paper aeroplane, much to the child's delight. And that had kept Sam amused for the next hour and a half, after which he promptly fell asleep on the floor, tired from his exercise. James picked him up from the floor and settled him in the corner of the sofa, comfort blanket retrieved from the kids bed and laid over him.

Sam slept like that until the doorbell rang.

 

**********************************************************

 

"Hello Jean, come in." James said as Jean stepped over his threshold with a large box shape covered in a blanket under her arm and another bag in her other hand.

"Does he know yet James?" She asks and James shakes his head grinning.

"Nope, I told him it was a surprise. I think he forgot, he's asleep at the moment." Robbie comes into the hallway and smiles at the box, knowing what's in it.

"Tea?"

"I thought you'd never ask Robbie" Jean says smiling as they all head into the kitchen.

 

As they are sat around the kitchen table, Jean gets to business.

"I know this isn't the reason I came round, but I thought that you'd like to know. Forensics managed to retrieve some of the materials used to start that fire, and they've successfully linked it to Harper, so he'll be tried for that as well." James smiles grimly

"Good." He says, mind thinking back to Sam in a hospital bed, coughing and crying in an ambulance. "He deserves to be." Jean nods and then smiles as she sees Sam walk into he room, rubbing his eyes as he tries to throw off the remnants of sleep. He wanders over to James and climbs up onto his lap, smiling as he registers the third person at the table.

"Hi Auntie Jean. How is Poppy?"

"Poppy is fine Sam." Jean smiles. "Actually I've got something for you and your Dad." Suddenly Sam's face lights up with a memory.

"Daddy said that you had a surprise for me Auntie Jean."

"Indeed I do." She looks at James. "Do we think he's ready for it eh?" James looks down at Sam's expectant expression.

"Yeah, I think he is."

 

The gather in the front room and Jean brings the box in, lifting the blanket a little, to reveal a mesh-like door. Without much encouragement, Sam opens the door and sits back a few feet waiting with anticipation. He is bouncy and excited and keeps looking at all the adults in turn with a smile before remembering that he should be watching the box.

 

Slowly but surely, a small paw appears at the entrance and Sam barely suppresses a happy shout, instead lying on his stomach and displaying patience that James doubts he had at that age.

Eventually, the entire animal is visible and the little grey kitten emerges into the light. He has a little white patch on the bridge of his nose, and white fur on his belly, but other that that, he's a smokey grey. He blinks as he stands in the middle of the room.

Sam's eyes are impossibly wide and he stares at it, almost like he can't believe what he is seeing.

"Is he for me and Daddy?" He asks quietly, not wanting to scare the animal. "Is it a boy or girl kitty?"

"He's a boy kitten. And he is definitely for you and your Dad." Jean replies and he beams at her, still looking like he can't quite believe that its true. Then he slowly gets up and sidles around the cat to Jean, stretching on his legs to give her a hug.   
"Thank you Auntie Jean" he says, and the happiness in his voice is obvious.

"You're more than welcome Sam. Do you want to know something about him?"

"Yes please."

"Poppy is his Mummy." Sam's eyes widen even more, the smile threatening to take over his whole face.

"What is his name?"

"He doesn't have one yet. Maybe you and your Dad should choose one." Sam nods and walks over to the little kitten that looks up at him with a quiet ' _miaow_ '. Sam bends to pick it up and for a moment, all the adults are worried that the kitten will run away and upset the boy, but it lets itself be picked up. Sam head over to the sofa where his Dad is sitting and puts the kitten on his legs, before climbing up beside him.

"What we gonna call him Daddy?"   
"I dunno Sammy, any ideas?" Sam things long and hard, looking at the little animal that is not in his arms.

"Smokey!" He says, and amid his thoughts of how unoriginal that is, James smiles.

"Smokey it is then."

 

After putting the little cat on a cushion on the sofa, Sam helps Robbie to unpack the other bag that Jean brought them. There's a food bowl, and a water bowl and a box of kitten food to get them started. There is also some toys and a few ping pong balls, but Robbie tells Sam that there best waiting till the morning before playing, Smokey is probably a little confused and scared at the moment.

Jean goes to leave and again, Sam runs to her and repeats his thanks, throwing his arms around her legs.

 

**********************************************************

 

They sit down to dinner and Smokey miaows the whole way through. Sam practically wolfs down his dinner and fidgets until the adults are finished and he's allowed to play with his new friend. Robbie clears the table while James helps Sam to lay out the cat food and a dish of water for their new arrival. James and Robbie talk while James washes up, and when they return to the living room with a cup of tea each, they see Sam and Smokey curled up together on the floor, fast asleep.

 

Sam is put to bed and Robbie returns downstairs to see James sat on the sofa with his head back, absently stroking the little cats fur, looking relaxed.

"D'you think it was the right thing to do then Robbie?" James murmurs. Robbie smiles.

"Yeah I do mate." And he does. Sam is delighted and has already proved that he'll be gentle and kind to the animal, and Robbie secretly thinks that the cat will be good for James too.

 

**********************************************************

 

Its not long before they are all in bed, and despite Robbie's hopes, its not long before he's in James' room, wondering the best way to handle James' latest nightmare.

 

James was whimpering as he slept. There was something different about it all this time but Robbie couldn't quite put his finger on it, just that something wasn't the same. Hathaway was curled almost into a ball, and his forehead was puckered as he whined a little in his sleep. Sighing softly, Robbie sits down in the chair and puts his hand on James shoulder, expecting him to calm as he had the previous night. It didn't seem to work as well as Robbie expecting it to, and he frowned. Despite the comfort he was offering the younger man seemed to be getting more scared, going deeper into his nightmare.

"Come on kidda, at least try and fight it a little bit for me. Can't do it all James." Despite this, James merely groans and tries to curl up tighter. He mutters a little, but Robbie can't really make out what he's saying, except that he's fairly sure its a protest against something, ' _No_ ' being the only word that he could decipher.

About twenty minutes later James suddenly emits a broken cry and Robbie knows that the nightmare has stepped up a gear. Two minutes more of watching his friend squirming while trying to make himself as small as he can, settles it for Robbie and he shakes James, in an attempt to end the torment.

"Wake up James. You're dreaming son. Its not real....whatever it is." Nothing changes at all. After three more attempts to rouse the ex-policeman, he looks around the room desperately, looking for any ideas on how to wake the man up.

Its then that he notices the box on the bedside table. Its looks like tablets, but its not the Prazosin, Robbie knows that much. Keeping an anchoring hand on the lump in the covers where James' arm is, he picks up the box and reads the back. Eyes widening, he chucks them back on the bedside table, glaring at James.

"Sleeping pills? You bloody stupid sod!" Robbie's voice is raised but he immediately regrets it, as James flinches and huddles into the duvet.

Suddenly, things start to make sense. The fact that James is curled up. The fact that James' muttering is more deferential than defiant like usual. Almost apologetic, instead of the pleading and anger that he usually comes out with. Everything slots into place and Robbie realises what was different. James is dreaming about his childhood.

And the silly idiot has taken pills that he knew would mean he would stay asleep. Oh Robbie knows that its James' idea of a plan, designed so that Sam and Robbie himself could get some sleep. Evidently, James had thought that closing the door would mean that no one would hear the scared noises he was making.

Another horrible thought occurs to Robbie, and a low bubbling anger seeps through him. He'd effectively told James off, disciplined him for using the pills, and James had _flinched_. The semi conscious part of James, that was clearly a child at the moment, had flinched at the remonstration.

"Hey you're okay Jim. Take it easy." Robbie feels the need, suddenly and strongly, to comfort Hathaway. He doesn't really know how, since its unclear what's even happening in the dream, except for the fact that Robbie suspects that he'd have a few choice words to say if he ever met Hathaway senior.

 

He watches over James for the next three hours, rubbing his shoulder when the whimpers get louder, and tucking the covers around him again when James wriggles them loose. Hathaway seems to be a bit calmer when he's secured, he's managed to tuck his head into the duvet somehow, without covering it.

 

After those three hours, (its now five in the morning) James wakes up, albeit less violently than he has previously. He blinks his eyes open, and for a split second,Robbie can _see_ the child there.

"You back kidda?" he says, because he's fairly sure that James has spent the last four hours in the early eighties. James nods and then frowns.

"Why are you here?"

"Because you were scared and thought it was a soddin' clever idea to take sleeping tablets." Robbie says, with not a little reproach. "Did you not remember what happened last time?" James nods forlornly and Robbie suddenly softens.

"Did you dream about being a bairn last time you took them as well?" There's a startled look in James for a few seconds before he speaks.

"...Yeah, well for a little bit anyway, after that it was someone killing Chrissy-Did I?...How bad was it?"

"Bad enough Jim."

"Erm...What did I say?"

"Nothing much. I shouted at you about the pills and you _flinched_ James." Hathaway sighs sadly sits up against the head board.

"Look, I know what you're thinking Robbie, and it wasn't like that."

"James you were huddled in the covers."

"Yeah I was, I have been with other nightmares. But I promise, its not what you think."

"Could have fooled me," Robbie mutters as he takes in the defensive posture James has adopted; arms linked around his right knee. Lewis knows that he'd be hugging both of them if he could. There's another weary sigh from the young man and he speaks.

"Don't get me wrong, my father was a bastard, but not the kind of monster that you think he was. He was cold and hard you know, everything had to be right. His son had to get everything right first time, incorrect answers had to be gone over till I understood. Anything less than perfect and he'd scorn me, ridicule me so that I'd want to get it right next time." Robbie nodded, he'd had a maths teacher like that when he was ten. But then he'd been able to go home to his family and have them tell him not to worry and that he'd get the hang of it. James hadn't had that, had he? Unless...

"What about your Mam?"

"She'd try and make me feel better, but she died when I was seven, heart attack. I was only young and I only had one parent, just bad luck I got stuck with my father I guess. I probably thought all father's were like it." It hasn't escaped Robbie's notice that James never refers to his father as 'Dad'. Always 'father'. He'd also picked up on the fact that James' mother had died when he was seven, and his nightmares had started round about then. It didn't take a detective to put two and two together. James carried on talking.

"On the rare occasion, and I mean it Robbie, it was rare; that my father hit me, I very probably deserved it." Robbie nodded slowly, having had his fears somewhat allayed. It was clear now that James hadn't been abused as a kid. Probably not shown enough affection and possibly slightly neglected, but he hadn't been harmed.

"Ok, I believe you mate." He gets up slowly and pats James shoulder.

"Try and get some sleep kidda" James squints at the clock by his bed. Six am. He nods and is just about to lie down again, when his son speaks from the doorway.

"Can't 'leep D'ddy. Wanna come in wiv you" Sam's voice is thick with tiredness as he mumbles to them both.

"Come on then little man." Sam smiles but doesn't make any attempt to move, instead looking at Robbie in confusion.

"Unc' R'bie? This not you bed'oom."

"No Sammy, just checking that your Dad is ok. Come on, bed." Robbie replies as he lifts Sam up. The child settles on his shoulder as James re adjusts the pillow that was under his knee and lies down, moving the covers in order to create space for Sam. Robbie lowers the child into the gap and Sam immediately burrows into James' side (and James is grateful that his sides don't hurt any more because Sam is intent on being close) and then smiles sleepily up at Robbie.

"Don't need'a check no more Unc' R'bie...I make sure Daddy is ok now. You need go bed." Robbie chuckles softly and then smiles at them both. Sam closes his eyes and is almost immediately asleep, safe against his father's side. James smiles back at Robbie and then turns towards his son, putting an arm around him and settling down to sleep.

 

Robbie leaves the room, and reflects that how ever James was brought up, he clearly has no intention of treating Sam in the same way.

 

There's a quiet miaow from his left and he sees Smokey sitting on the top step looking at him.

"They're alright Smokey. Don't you worry, little Sammy's fine." Robbie says to the cat for no reason. The kitten gives a sleepy yawn and lies down, stretching across the step, seemingly content that everything is ok.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The more detailed warning:  
> James dreams about being a child and has taken sleeping pills, so he doesn't wake easily. Robbie tells him off and James flinches in his sleep, so Robbie jumps to the conclusion that his father used to hurt him. James is quick to reassure Robbie that nothing of the sort happened, his father was disinterested in him and made him try and be the best at whatever he did, with ridicule and the like, but never physically harmed him.


	11. Chapter 11

Robbie eyes James as he brings Sam downstairs. The younger man seems ok, but Robbie will be the first to acknowledge that with James, nothing is that often what it seems. But he'll refrain from asking the man, he knows that he'll get the stock "I'm ok" and that will be that.

Hathaway catches him looking and smiles wryly.

"I'm ok" and Robbie can't help but raise an exasperated eyebrow.

"Really?"

"Yes. What do you want for breakfast?"

"TOAST!" Sam shouts out as he scrambles down from James' hip. "Daddy, where's Smokey?"

"Last I saw, he was on the sofa mate." Sam grabs Lewis' hand and pulls him into the living room.

"Come on Unca Robbie, we go and play with Smokey."

 

********************************************

 

James stops in the doorway with the plate of toast. Sam is giggling happily and throwing the ping pong ball towards the kitten, who is surging after it. Robbie is sitting in the armchair, watching the ensuing antics with a smile on his face. He thinks that he could happily stand and watch this for hours, although he also acknowledges that he just wants to avoid thinking about the sleep lab. Taking a breath, James puts the toast on the table and walks over to Smokey, picking the cat up. Its a bit of a task holding the wriggling cat and a crutch (he's testing whether he'll be alright only using one) but he manages it.

"Give him a break Sammy, he's only little. Come and eat your breakfast and then we can feed him."

 

They sit eating breakfast and the conversation turns around to work and school.

"What did the school say about you having time off?"

"They were surprisingly good about it actually. Said I could have this week paid leave, and they'd hope to see me back next Monday." James looks a little bemused by this as he says it but then he grins. "Nice of them. I'm not gonna question it. Which reminds me, I er...I won't be back from the sleep lab tomorrow in time to get Sammy ready for school." Robbie waves a hand dismissively.

"No worries James, I'll take him in, and then come and get you, or come and get you first, whichever order works best."

"Thanks." Sam wriggles down from the seat and runs back into the living room, looking for the kitten. He picks him up gently and carries him into the kitchen. James had decided to keep the kitten food and biscuits in a low cupboard so that his son can get to them. He remembered how Sam seemed to love the responsibility of doing the gardening on his own when James' knee had made him have to stop, so he figured giving the kid more to feel important about was a good thing. Of course, this was only after he'd made it especially clear that Sam could only feed Smokey once in the morning and once in the evening, otherwise he'd be ill. While Sam is mashing up the food, Robbie and James move back to the living room.

 

Its only a few minutes of sitting listening to Sam talk to himself as he prepares the cat food, before Robbie notices James. The younger man is sitting on the sofa and he's gripping the nearby cushion hard, face fixed on the floor.

"Jim?" James nods tightly, and Robbie sees the muscles standing out in is arm as he holds onto the sofa.

"'M...okay."

"No you aren't. What's wrong?"

"Don't know." James sounds terrified. He starts to breathe faster and Robbie is immediately sat next to him, recognising the signs.

"Its alright lad. You're having a panic attack." Understandably, this doesn't really calm James down.

"Can't breathe" Hathaway mumbles and Robbie tries to sit him up straighter.

"If you can talk, you can breathe lad. Promise. Try and sit back a little bit eh?" James complies, but he screws his eyes shut. Robbie knows that its futile to tell James to calm down, that will probably make him feel worse after all, if James could calm himself down, he already would have done it. He works on the basis that physical contact seems to help James with his nightmares, and so it might work with a panic attack.

"If I do anything that makes you feel worse, you tell me ok kidda?" He waits until he receives a nod from the younger man, before he places a hand on James' back. When James doesn't say anything, Robbie gently rubs his back, hoping that it'll soothe the young man's nerves.

James winces and and Robbie immediately stops the circular motion on his back. James shakes his head, exhaling slowly.

"Not you...chest hurts."

"Common symptom lad. If it doesn't ease off in the next fifteen minutes, we'll get you to a doc."

Sam wanders in and frowns as he takes in the scene.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing lad. Your Dad is just a bit scared that's all."

"What Daddy scared of?" Sam asks, as he comes closer. Robbie starts to move the boy away, thinking that Sam climbing onto James isn't going to help.

"Sammy lad, can you do me a favour and sit on the armchair for a little bit, while I help your Daddy eh?" The little boy narrows his eyes, as if to say that actually, his Daddy needs him and sitting on the armchair is a stupid suggestion, but nonetheless, he does as he's told. Sam cocks his head as Robbie turns his attention back to James.

"You doing ok kidda? How's your chest?" James shakes his head again, but his hands unclench from the seat a little.

"Chest's better. Just a bit tight. Doesn't hurt any more."

"That's good. You'll be alright Jim." Smokey wanders in from where he'd been eating his dinner. Sam stares at the kitten and then smiles. He makes his way over and picks the cat up. It occurs to Robbie distantly that the kitten is remarkably tolerant of the boy's attentions. This thought quickly vanishes as Sam brings the cat over and puts it on the sofa. The little boy then clambers up onto the sofa.

"Sammy, no. Leave your Da-"

"S'ok." James mutters. "Come here Sammy. Daddy would really like a hug please."

"Big hug?"

"Absolutely bloody massive hug mate." Sam stands up on the sofa, head just about coming level with James' and wraps his arms around James' neck.

"It be okay Daddy. Don't be scared no more. Me an' Unca Robbie will fix it all up." James finally lets go of the sofa cushion and hugs Sam back taking a deep breath as he does so.

"Thank you little man. That's much better." Sam beams at him.

 

A few minutes later and James looks a lot better than he did. He tries to stand, and Robbie gently holds him down.

"Stay there kidda."

"M'ok"

"James, you're tired, beyond tired. You've just had a panic attack kid, just rest for a little while eh?"

"Feels like that's all I'm doing at the moment."

"Aye and so you should be. For Pete's sake James, you're not sleeping, you're on crutches and you were seriously beaten up a few days ago. You deserve a bit of rest.

"But-"

"-You've just had a panic attack Jim. That's a whole new level of 'not enough sleep'. Lay down on the sofa and rest alright? Just for a few hours? Humour an old man." Reluctantly, James nods and turns on the television. Before long, he and his son are curled up together, watching yet another episode of _Fireman Sam_

After making them both a cup of tea (and a cup of juice for Sam), Robbie sits down in the armchair and watches the kids programme with them.

Eventually, Sam wriggles out from James' arms and pulls his paper and crayons out of the toy box. The younger of the two men smiles softly as he watches his son, and throws Robbie the remote, in order for him to choose something less...colourful to watch.

James doesn't comment when the screen displays a documentary on fish, instead just raising an eyebrow at Robbie.

"What? If you're prepared to eat them, might as well find out where they come from." James can't fault the logic and he nods, settling down to watch.

 

********************************************

 

"How you draw a horse Daddy?" There's no reply, and Sam looks up, to see James sleeping, head nestled as far into the corner of the sofa as he can get. He knows that his Daddy needs sleep, so he turns to Robbie, hoping that Robbie knows how to draw horses. He frowns slightly as he sees that Robbie is also asleep, slumped in the armchair in a way that somehow manages to look comfortable and painful at the same time.

"Unca Robbie?" Sam whispers. When he doesn't get a response, he stands up and puts his drawing materials back in the box as quietly as he could. He knows that Uncle Robbie needs sleep too because he's always awake looking after his Daddy. If either of the adults had been awake, they'd have been able to see from the determined little expression on his face, that Sam was a kid on a mission.

 

Creeping as quietly as he could, Sam makes his way upstairs and into James' bedroom. He tugs at James' duvet before coming to the conclusion that holding onto the corner and doing a backwards roll, will get him what he wants quicker. Once he's listened to see if he's woken either of the adults up, he pulls the duvet into the hallway. This done, he leaves it there and goes into the spare room, liberating Robbie's duvet in the same manner that he'd acquired James'.

 

Next in his plan, the kid grabs fluffy and his cuddly duck, and throws them to the bottom of the stairs, before dragging one of the duvets down with him. He goes back for the other one and is soon smiling triumphantly at the pile of bedlinen at the bottom of the stairs.

"All nice and warm," He says to himself as he tries to gather it in his arms.

 

Sam quickly resigns himself to the fact that he can't pick up two duvets, and instead pushes them into the living room, before racing back upstairs to grab the bathroom stool.

Once he has everything he needs, the little boy climbs onto the stool and drags James' duvet over his sleeping father, making sure that all of James is covered, except his head.

"Stay all warm now Daddy." he says. It doesn't matter to him that his father can't hear the words, because Uncle Robbie talks to Daddy when he's sleeping and it makes him feel better.

Next, he does the same for Robbie, pulling the duvet over the older man, and tucking him in like both Lewis and James have done for him.

"Need be all cosy Unca Robbie, make you sleep better." If Uncle Robbie can talk to Daddy while he's asleep, then Sam reasons that he can talk to Uncle Robbie. Once he's satisfied that the two adults are going to be warm, he tucks Fluffy by James' head with a warning to the soft toy to look after his Daddy and not let him dream, before heading over to Robbie and putting his cuddly duck under Robbie's hand.

"Unca Robbie always looking af'er me an' Daddy so you got to look af'er him ducky." He whispers it for fear of waking the man up.

 

Walking into the kitchen, Sam has another idea. He climbs up onto a chair and grabs two mugs from the cupboard. He's very careful not to fall because it'll hurt and he doesn't want to wake the adults up. He drags the chair over to the worktop and puts a tea bag in each mug. He's fairly sure that adults only need one teabag, but he knows that they need one each, otherwise it won't be strong enough.

Sugar is a bit of a problem though. He tips one spoonful into each mug, but he's not sure if that's enough, so he puts another three spoonfuls in each for good measure. Then the little boy fills up each mug from the warm tap.

The little kitten wanders in and blinks blearily up at him with a quiet miaow.

"Sssssh Smokey. You'll wake Daddy and Unca Robbie up." He looks at the tea and frowns. "A'posed to be darker than this. Why is it not working?" The cat miaows again, and the frown stays on Sam's face. "Maybe that's what the kettle is for. I not 'llowed use the kettle, I get burned." He stirs the tea vigorously and smiles as the colour darkens a little. Then he carries the mugs into the living room one at a time, and sets them down by his father and his 'Uncle'. Once he's done, Sam pulls a toy car out from under the dining room table, driving it around happily as his Dad and his friend sleep soundly.

 

********************************************

 

James wakes up slowly, stretching a little. It takes him a little while to realise that he feels warm and safe. It only takes a minute longer to realise that he is curled under his duvet. At first he thinks that Robbie must have done it, but a quick glance across the room, reveals that Robbie is also asleep, covered in his borrowed duvet. A frown creases James' face as his sleep-heavy brain tries to work out what's happened.

 

As he is contemplating this, Robbie stirs and wakes up with the same amount of confusion. When he focuses on James however, he works it out. He pushes the covers off to the side, and Sam's cuddly duck falls to the floor. James smiles warmly as he now feels the familiar shape of Fluffy by his shoulder.

"You've got a good lad there James," Robbie says with affection. "He's even made us tea." Lewis takes a sip and winces. "I'm assuming that you've taught him that he's not allowed to use the kettle." James takes a sip of his now not-even-tepid tea, and grins.

"He used the warm tap. And er...possibly the entire sugar bowl." James looks about, searching for his son. "Speaking of the little mastermind, where is he?" Robbie smiles and points to the foot of the sofa. Sam has brought his duvet and pillow down and curled up beneath them. Smokey is sleeping net to his cheek and the little boy's fingers are curled into a loose fist under the kittens chin. There's a look of utter tenderness on James' face and Robbie can't help but feel warm in his heart.

"I'll pour the tea away. If he asks, we drank it yeah?" James nods.

"Ok. I wonder how often I'm going to get made cold tea in the morning now?"

"Fairly often. Grin and bear it mate. At least till he's old enough to use the kettle."

Robbie takes the mugs into the kitchen and washes them up, while James takes the duvet's upstairs. When Robbie comes back into the living room, James is sitting on the sofa smiling like an idiot and holding Sam in his arms.

"Well, that's an improvement on this morning. What's got you so cheerful?" James just smiles more and nods his head down to his son.

"Got my little boy, and he's healthy. On the road to getting my self sorted. Aaand, I just took those duvets upstairs without using the crutches."

"Ah, that'll about do it then." Robbie smiles at the little family, before sitting next to James on the sofa and talking to him gently.

"Not to break your good mood kidda, but how are you feeling about the sleep lab?" James cocks his head.

"Nervous I guess, but...gotta get sorted don't I? For Sammy's sake. That panic attack this morning, that's the start of...something bad. Can't let it happen Robbie, I've got to look after my son. So I'll suck it up and sleep there and do whatever they tell me afterwards. All I can do really."

"Good on you lad. And I hope everything works out...I really do. By the way, when are you supposed to be there tonight?"

"Er...half past eight. Should really go and pack an overnight bag."

"You should," Robbie agrees, but he can see that James is still holding the slumbering four year old and its going to take some cajoling to stop him from doing that. He looks up decisively and rubs his hands together. "Right, better see about getting some dinner into us all then. Might try and make some pasta sauce. See if I can't repeat the success I had with that one I made for Jean?" James snorts at this, but gestures to the kitchen.

"Be my guest."

 

********************************************

 

Forty minutes later and James has packed a bag with a toothbrush, toothpaste and some pyjamas, as well as anything else he thinks he might need. He sits down at the table where Sam is pushing his food around. He takes one bite of the pasta and knows immediately that there's nothing wrong with it. Which means;

"What's wrong Sammy?"  
"Why you have to go sleep somewhere else tonight? Want you to stay here."

"I know little man. But this place might be able to stop me having bad dreams. That's good isn't it?"

"Ye-eah. But why they can't come here?"

"Er. Because they need all these special computers and machines."

"Why?" Sam sounds alarmed and James hurriedly tries to reassure the child.

"To see what's happening in my brain mate. And then they will know how to stop the nightmares."

"They can see in your brain? Like with a camera?"

"No Sam, like a...actually I don't really know. Maybe we can ask the technician when we get there eh?"

"Hmmm. Ok. I need'a see if he's nice afore I let him put things to look in your brain." Robbie smiles and James nods seriously.

"Quite right too."

 

********************************************

 

They arrive just on time, Sam clutching his comfort blanket and Fluffy as he gazes up at the big entrance to the building. James feels the kids hand tighten in his, and He picks Sam up, settling him on his hip.

"Its ok little man. I promise. All that they are going to do is watch me while I sleep." He says with all the confidence he doesn't feel. He shifts uncomfortably on the crutch. It turned out that while he could walk on the solid brace, he couldn't quite manage the flexible one yet, and walking on a brace that immobilises your knee at a forty-five degree angle is tricky.

"P'omise? If they do anything bad Daddy, you haves to 'scape and come home."

"Promise Sammy boy. Come on, we have to go in."

 

The technician talks James through the procedure while Robbie sits and listens. The older man can tell that James is feeling very nervous about it all, and he's doing his best to distract Sam from it. The technician (Marcus) is very good though, and he explains everything thing thoroughly, even managing to answer some of Sam's questions and to reassure the little boy that they won't hurt his Daddy.

 

All to soon, its time for Robbie and Sam to leave.

"No, don't want to go. Daddy, want you to come home with us."

"Sssh Sammy, you be a good boy for Uncle Robbie okay. I'll see you in the morning."

"Before school?"

"We'll see mate. Now come on, you've got to go. Come and give me a good night kiss eh?" Sam throws his arms around James and hugs him tight while James presses a kiss to the top of his head.

Then he takes Robbie's hand and waves at James. Just as they get to the door to James' cubicle however, Sam runs back.

"Wait Daddy. You have Fluffy tonight, he keep you safe."

"Thanks little man," James says roughly. "Na'night Sammy."

"Night night Daddy."

"See you tomorrow Jim, have a good nights sleep eh?" Robbie says, but the look he gives James is much more comforting than his words. _You'll be alright son._ And with that, Robbie and Sam leave.

 

Marcus asks James to go and get changed and James does so, but he can't squash the slight panic in his chest.

 

********************************************

 

Robbie gets Sam into his pyjama's almost as soon as they get in.

"How'd you fancy a bedtime story kidda?"

"Yes please Unca Robbie. Can we read it in my bedroom?"

"Course we can."

A short while later, and Sam is sitting in Robbie's lap, head against his chest as Robbie reads him a story about Thomas the Tank Engine. Lewis can feel the tension leaving the boy as he starts to fall asleep. In no time, Sam is asleep proper, and Robbie tucks him in.

"Night bonny lad, here's to your Dad getting some answers eh?"

 

********************************************

 

Marcus sits James on the edge of the bed, and explains the machinery surrounding the bed. There's a clip, not unlike hospital ones, to monitor James' pulse and heart rate. He'll have small electrodes taped to his head (he doesn't like the sound of that at all) to monitor for any seizure activity, and to see what parts of his brain are active when. There will also be a mask to cover his nose and mouth, to measure his oxygen intake and breathing depth, as well as a large elastic strap across his chest to do the same.

"I know it looks daunting Mr Hathaway, but I assure you, within half an hour, you'll be used to it enough to sleep. This box here can clip to your pyjama's so that if you need to go to the bathroom in the night, we don't have to unhook all the electrodes." James nods.

"Thank you." There's something he wants to say, but he's unsure how to go about it.

"Now you just get your self ready, and I'll be back in a few minutes with the oxygen mask and strap." James nods again, and places Fluffy on the bedside table, well within his view. He can only hope that his son manages to sleep, and doesn't give Robbie too much trouble.

 

Marcus comes back in and hooks the last of the equipment up. James finds his voice and stops the tech man as he goes to leave.

"Er...If I, if I have a really bad nightmare, are you going to try and wake me up? 'Cos er...I can be...In the past I've been fairly violent on waking. Punching and stuff."

"We won't wake you unless its really bad, or the monitors show that you're suffering. Your heart rate and pulse and stuff will show us. And don't worry about the violence, we're trained to avoid flailing limbs Mr Hathaway" he says with a smile and then he's gone.

 

James stares around the unfamiliar room as he wriggles into the covers. Pulling his hand free, he feels for his wallet and flips it open, taking out the photo of Chrissy that he carries and looking at it.

"Here goes nothing Chris, last chance saloon." Sliding the photo back into his wallet, he sighs and turns over, tugging the pull cord for the light. The darkness engulfs the room and James falls into an uneasy sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

James woke with a start, heart hammering in his chest. In his semi consciousness, his brain had gone back to eight months ago, when he'd been paralysed by Calvin Harper. The strap across his chest made him feel like he had felt when is lungs had started failing to function on their own.

Just as he was really starting to panic, Marcus came into his room and undid the straps.

"You're alright Mr Hathaway, Its off now." James nodded at him and sat up slowly. Marcus kept speaking as he carefully removed the sensors from James' scalp and the clip from his finger. "Bad memories eh?"

"Could say that."

"Well, some of your results are in, so that should help put your mind at rest." James nodded and thanked Marcus, but he didn't move straight away. Now it came down to it, he wasn't really sure he wanted to know what was wrong with him.

 

**************************************************

 

"Unca Robbie. Need get up. We need a'go an' get Daddy..." The little boy stood by Robbie's bed, pulling on his arm. When there was no response, he changed tactics, standing on his tip-toes and ruffling Robbie's hair. It always worked on him when his Dad did it.

"Unca Robbbiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!!!"

"Alright kidda, I'm awake, I'm awake."

"Good. We need go get Daddy. A'fore they look in his brain again." Lewis frowned down at the little boy.

"I hope you don't wake your Dad up like that Sammy."

"No Unca Robbie." Sam says, all innocence and light. He's got that look that James used to give Robbie when they are working, and the older man could genuinely not tell if Sam was telling the truth if his life depended on it.

Sending Sam downstairs, with the promise that he'd be down in a minute to make breakfast, Robbie got washed and dressed. Next he went into Sam's room and hunted down his school uniform. When he got back downstairs, Sam was sitting on the sofa looking sad. Robbie sits down next to him, after draping his uniform over the armchair.

"What's wrong kidda, is it school eh?"

"No." Sam cocks his head. "I not wanna go though. Want Daddy."

"Daddy will be here when you get back Sammy. I promise. Now what's wrong?"

"...What if?" Sam shuffles closer to Robbie, looking up at him wide-eyed. "What if, when they looked in Daddy's head...they changed it and he's not Daddy any more?" Robbie bites back a smile, and he puts an arm around the child.

"Don't worry bonny lad, your Dad won't be different. He'll be exactly the same as before. But maybe he'll be a little bit happier." Sam smiles at that and scrambles of the sofa. "Right, uniform on kidda. Then breakfast, then school. How's that sound?"

"Want Daddy."

"Aye kid, I know. But Daddy's still at the sleep lab, I'll go and get him while you're at school and you can see him when you come home. Ok?"  
"Hmmm. Promise?"

"Promise," Robbie confirms. "Go on, you go and get yourself ready."

 

**************************************************

 

 

James is led into the office after he is dressed, and he sits down in a chair, opposite a woman in a white lab coat.

"Good Morning, Mr Hathaway. My name is Dr Bennett. I've been monitoring you." Hathaway secretly thinks that is slightly creepy, but he doesn't say anything. "Not all of the results are in yet of course, some of them need to be analysed-" she starts. Hathaway cuts in.

"What can you tell me? What's wrong with me?"

"Well, nothing as far as we can tell Mr Hathaway. Not physically." James nods and then narrows his eyes.

"What...What do you mean, 'not physically'?" The doctor sighed and sat back in her chair.

"You don't have sleep apnoea, your breathing is fine when you aren't dreaming."

"And the seizures?" James asks hesitantly, afraid of the answer.

"You're not having seizures either Mr Hathaway. All of your brain activity was consistent with what we'd expect from some one having a nightmare."

"So what's wrong then? If its not physical then..." He trails of as it hits him, and the doctor confirms his suspicions.

"There is a significant probability that there is a psychological rooting in these nightmares, that links back to when you were..." she looks back at her notes, "...Seven. I believe that's when you said they started." James can only nod because he doesn't want to hear this. You can fix breathing problems, you can medicate seizures...the mind is an entirely different thing, and James is convinced that his mind is unfixable.

"I'm going to refer you to a counsellor, but we'll get back in touch once all the results are in, just in case we missed anything." James doesn't want to hear that either. Anything but that.

"I-I don't need to see-"

"-Mr Hathaway, It is clear to me, that this cannot carry on. You may be breathing well and not having seizures, but the adrenalin and fear that you suffer, is putting your heart under a fair amount of stress. While that isn't a problem at the moment, as you are relatively young and healthy, as you get older, you are at much higher risk of having associated problems." He nods at her, knowing she's right, he just doesn't want to have to deal with the stuff that's going to come up in counselling sessions.

"Am I ok to leave now?"

"Yes. We'll get in touch with you if anything comes up." she replies, handing him the details of the counselling appointment in neatly written script.

James is out of there as quick as he can be. He texts Robbie and then sits on a bench by the entrance, digging his nails into his thighs. Counselling was never supposed to be an option. He was never supposed to have to talk about childhood with anyone. Oh he thinks back to Paul and Briony on that Black case he worked with Lewis all those ears ago, and he knows that his childhood could have been so much worse. But even so, it wasn't a picnic.

 

**************************************************

 

Sam gets reluctantly out of the car and heads towards the school gates. Halfway there he runs back to Robbie and throws his arms around the older man's legs, hugging him goodbye.

"You p'omise that Daddy will be home after school?"

"I promise Sammy." His phone buzzed and Robbie smiled. "See, that's probably your Dad now, asking me to come and get him."

"Is it a talking one or a writing one?" It takes minute for Robbie to realise that Sam is asking if its a phone call or a text.

"A writing one. Go on, into class. You don't want to be late do you?"

"No Unca Robbie." Sam says sadly, and Robbie knows that he doesn't really want to go to school. What Sam really wants, is to go home and sit on the sofa with his Dad. Robbie crouches down to the little boy and hives him a proper hug.

"I promise Sammy lad, that your Daddy will be home when school is done."

"Truthful p'omise?" Sam asks, staring up at him with surprising intensity.

"All promises are true, kidda." Robbie says, wondering on what James has taught Sam in the way of promises. Because he might love the man like a member of his family, but if he's broken a promise to Sam, Robbie _will_ shout at him. "Didn't Dad teach you that?"

"Yeah. Daddy said that you can never break a p'omise. But sometimes people do. An' that bad. But then you make a truthful p'omise."

"Did Daddy make a truthful promise to you Sam?"

"Yeah. Daddy did truthful p'omise that he always love me." Robbie smiled. He should have known it'd be something like that. "And then I maked truthful p'omise that I always love him"

"Well, I think its fair to say your Dad will never break that promise. Now go on, off to class Sammy. "Ok." Robbie watches until Sam goes into the school. A nearby mother smiles at him.

"Your grandson is very nice kid." Lewis doesn't even bother to corrects her.

"The best," he says, with a massive smile on his face.

 

**************************************************

 

James is waiting for him, leaning on his crutch, as Robbie pulls into the car park of the sleep lab. The younger man limps over and gets into the car, chucking the crutch into the back seat.

"Cheers for the lift, did Sammy go off to school alright?"

"Aye. He was a bit reluctant, but I promised him about twenty times that you'd be back and he was eventually ok. He'd managed to convince himself that they were going to change your brain." James smiled slightly at that, before wincing as they went over a speed bump.

"Everything alright kidda?"

"Yeah, just a bump in the road," Hathaway answers, puzzled.

"I meant at the lab. What did they say?" James looks away, staring out of the window.

"Not much," He says quietly. "Its not seizures or anything. Nothing physical at all actually."

"That's great lad" Robbie says happily, but he quickly sobers when he realises that James isn't looking as happy as he should, for a man who has just been told he's not having convulsive fits in his sleep. "It is great, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Great. I'm not having seizures and I can breathe...I'm just fucking crazy." Robbie sighs and pulls the car into the nearest free spot at the side of the road. This isn't something that can wait. If he leaves it, James will just pretend the conversation never happened.

"Jim, you are not crazy ok? What did they actually say?" It takes a little while for James to answer, and he sounds defeated when he does.

"They booked me into sodding therapy. Said its psychological and links back to when I was seven."

"Well, the thought had crossed my mind kidda." Robbie says. He'd put two and two together when he'd learned that James had started having the nightmares the same year his mother had died.

"Which, makes me crazy."

"No James. It makes you a man that had some bad stuff happen to him when he was a bairn. It doesn't make you crazy." James doesn't say anything for a little while, and Robbie pulls back out into the traffic, heading towards James' house once more.

 

**************************************************

 

When they get back, James immediately goes to check on the food they have in the fridge. It soon becomes clear to him that there's not all that much there. They'll have pasta bake tonight, but tomorrow he's going to need to go shopping. They need milk and sugar as it is. However, James decides that he'll go shopping tomorrow with Sam, and Robbie if he wants to come, and let his son choose what they have for dinner.

"I'm off out to get milk and sugar. D'you want anything?"

"Nah I'm ok thanks lad. D'you want company." James shook his head,pulling the crutch towards him and slotting his arm in. The ex-sergeant had resolutely decided that he was only going to use one and that tomorrow, he was going to use the support brace rather than the immobilisation one.

"I'll be fine."

"You sure?" James nodded and then smirked.

"Course. Not crazy remember." He said as he ducked out the door. He was quick enough to dodge the pillow that Robbie threw. But not quick enough to miss the mumbled ' _Cheeky sod_ ' that followed him into the street.

 

**************************************************

 

James wrestled with the lock as he balanced the bag on his wrist. 'Bloody hell', he muttered as the bag slipped over his hand and slid down the crutch pole to the floor. Of course, it would have been easier just to put the bag down and open the door. But he'd thought this would be quicker.

When he eventually managed to get himself and the bag of groceries into the kitchen, he called out, but Robbie didn't answer. Hathaway thought nothing much of it; between helping him to sleep and looking after Sam, Robbie hadn't had enough sleep. James assumed he'd gone to have a lie down, taking advantage of the lack of four year old running around. The younger of the two men already felt guilty enough about all of that, he certainly wasn't going to deliberately wake Robbie up, not if he was getting the sleep he needed. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, he had to acknowledge that Robbie was seventy. He's getting on a bit, and James does not want to be the cause of any future health problems. He puts the milk away, frowning a little, as he always does when he remembers that his friend is older than he seems.

 

Hence, why he's slightly taken aback to find Robbie sitting in the chair in the living room, holding a photo frame, with the kitten on his lap. James immediately knows which one it is, Sam had been a few months old. He'd just bought a DLR camera. He'd also just found the self timer feature, and was determined to take a picture of his little family, that had all of them in it. The results had been...artistic, he supposed. He'd tripped over the buggy as he hurried back and swore loudly. Sam had started to cry and squirm in Chrissy's arms and the timer had flashed when his back was turned. In the end, only Chrissy had even been facing the camera, trying not to laugh as the rest of the scene unfolded in the twenty seconds that the timer lasted for. James still thought it was one of his favourite photographs, purely because it was so real, so unstaged.

"Are you ok Robbie?" Lewis started and then hurriedly but the photo down. James was quick to reassure him. "It's fine. I don't mind you looking." There was a slight nod of tanks as Robbie replied.

"Aye, I'm ok lad. I didn't hear you come back, lost in my own thoughts." He looks sad and James knows that he needs to talk to the older man. It is literally the very least he can do.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine kidda." James sits down next to him and picks the photo up, smiling softly. He sets it back down, and turns his gaze on Robbie.

"There's something wrong. I know there is." Robbie sighs.

"You've got enough to worry about wi-"

"-Robbie! You've spent the last week watching over me as I sleep, keeping me calm, and stopping me panicking my way into a heart attack. You've looked after my son, and helped me, bleeding and limping, to Jean's sofa. You've been there while I tried to punch you in my sleep, and when I've screamed myself awake at three in the morning. I...I'm not entirely sure where I'd be right now if it weren't for you...But I'm not sure I'd be rational, and I not s-sure I'd have custody of my kid." Robbie looks completely flabbergasted and not sure how to respond, but James is confident that Robbie knows he means every single word of what he said. He continues; "You've genuinely kept me going for the last eight months. The least I can do, is try to reciprocate that." He gets a nod from the older man, who then frowns at him.

"Thank you Jim...although I was going to say that you had enough to worry without me making you feel guilty. Which knowing you, you will." James shrugged and Robbie continued, against his better judgement. "You're not allowed to beat yourself up about this Jim, alright?"

"Cross my heart." Robbie rolls his eyes as James draws a cross over his heart, but he continues. He'll just have to trust that James won't see it as accusation, but more as regret.

"I was just thinking, I never got to see Sam growing up. Or you raising him so much. His first steps and that."

"I'm sorry Robbie, I-"

"What did I say just now? I don't want you blaming yourself. What's done is done lad."

"I felt like I left it too long, and then...it was too awkward. Which is ridiculous really. I just didn't think you'd be interested I suppose, or that's the excuse I gave myself."

"That _is_ ridiculous lad. I just..." Robbie frowns, trying to find a way that he can phrase this, letting James know how he feels, without giving him a guilt trip. "You gave Sam my name, because you saw me as a father figure to you. I still don't understand why however, you already had a father."

"You never met him," James muttered darkly. "You did a better job watching over me in the first year we worked together, than he did in the 25 years he 'raised' me for."

"Even so, I don't know what I did. My point is...You see me as a father, did it not occur to that shaven head of yours that maybe I see you as a son?" James blinks at him and once again, Robbie marvels at how little an opinion of himself the younger man seems to hold.

"I didn't think-"

"That you mean something to me? Every parent wants to see their children have children of their own Jim. You could have not talked to me for twenty years and I'd have jumped on a train to see your newborn."James hangs his head and Robbie reaches over and taps the top of it. "OI. No guilt remember? I'm not angry James, I'm not upset. Its just something I'd like to have seen."

"But..." Suddenly James jumps up from the sofa (and then grunts in pain and nearly falls down again). "Hang on. I've just remembered something." He grabs his laptop and sticks it on the table, tilting the screen so they can both see it.

"What's this all about then James?" Hathaway shrugged, moving the laptop cursor quickly ans efficiently to get where he wanted to get to. Smokey found his way onto James' lap, trying to curl up while he was still adjusting his position.

"Attempting to make up for it all Robbie." he said, leaning back on the sofa.

"I told you, there's no need-" Robbie stopped abruptly as a video started playing on James' laptop screen.

 

 

_The camera jerks as someone picks it up from the kitchen table. There's a giggle from behind the lens and the focus and zoom change as the user finds the sweet spot. There's shaking and shuddering as the camera is carried to the bathroom, and suddenly, the back of an almost shaven head comes into view in the gap between the door and the door frame._

_"I know you're there Chris", James says and there's a laugh from behind the camera as Chrissy comes into the bathroom and perches herself down on the closed toilet lid. James is bent over the bath, and its clear that there's a smaller tub in there, that's filled half way up. He lowers his week old son into the water and grins at the surprised squeak that emanates from the tiny frame. The camera shifts to a better position, one that captures both father and son in the same space. Miniature fists pound the water as James holds the babies head and supports his upper body with his forearm._

_"I can't tell if he likes it" he says, gently rubbing water over Sam's torso. Chrissy watches as their son stares up at his father, and the stare is so intense, that she has no doubts that her son is seeing his father just fine._

_"I think he does. He's not screaming anyway."_

_"True," James agrees, rubbing the child's head carefully with a flannel. "You're good at screaming aren't you little man? Especially at three in the morning." Sam merely widens his eyes and kicks his legs a little, still staring up at the close-cropped blonde man he would later call 'Daddy'._

_"You love it really." Chrissy says, from behind the lens. "Don't you deny it James Hathaway! Otherwise you wouldn't insist on getting out of bed to sort him. I know you sit in the living room with him for hours when he wakes up." James smiles softly and ducks his head out of view of the camera._

_"Yeah. I'll have you know we have deeply philosophical conversations." There's a muted cry from James' left hand and the camera focuses on baby Sam's face, now screwed up in discomfort Two seconds later, a piercing cry sounds._

_"Well, I think he's had enough of that." Chrissy says as James gently lifts the baby out of the tub._

_"Come on then Sammy boy, lets get you dry eh?"_

 

_Chrissy follows him into their bedroom, where a towel is set out on the bed, along with a baby-go, and James carefully dries his son and dresses him in his nightwear. Then he lies back on the headboard with Sam lying on his chest, little fingers clutching ineffectively at his shirt._

_Within a minute, Sam is sound asleep and James gets up to put him in his cot._

Robbie looks over to see a watery smile on James' face, but he doesn't comment, letting the man have his memories with out interruption.

_The camera swivels and Chrissy's face half the shot. James sits on the bed next to her and grins, an arm around her shoulders._

_"He's gonna love this when he's older." Chrissy says and James grimaces._

_"I don't think...I'd hate to see my baby videos, if I had any."_

_"When you bring your first partner home,"Chrissy says to the camera. "We're going to show them this. Love you Sammy." James grins next to her._

_"Don't worry little man, I'll hide it. Love you too" Chrissy shoves him playfully and he laughs, jumping up from the bed, and shutting off the camera._

Next to him, James is still smiling, but the tears are rolling freely down his face.

"She's never gonna see him bring someone home Robbie. We didn't...three years later...we didn't know."

"You could never have known Jim. You can't beat yourself up about it. You could _never_ have known...okay?" There's a slight nod and James rubs his face on his sleeve. The movement dislodges Smokey, who glances up at him with disdain, before migrating back to Robbie's lap.

"She was always on at me to get in touch with you again as well. I swear, she just knew what was the best thing for me to do. And I...I said I'd call you the end of the next week." James swallows and looks away. "The beginning of the next week she was...I couldn't phone. I couldn't do much actually. If it wasn't for Sam I'm not sure what would have happened." There's not much Robbie can really say to that. He puts an arm around James' shoulders and gives one a gentle squeeze.

"You've got this far mate. You've made it nearly two years James, and you're doing fine." Hathaway raises an eyebrow at him incredulously

"Doing fine? Really?" He pokes his leg and taps his head. "I've only just managed to stop using crutches, and I'm being sent to therapy."

"Yeah, that's true," Robbie starts. "But you've just admitted how hard you found it to cope. And you're still here coping Jim. You're still holding it together, whether you think you're doing it well or not. You've got a brilliant little son and despite it all, you've raised and looked after him well. Its obvious that you love him James, and its obvious that he's loves you too." James opened his mouth to say something, but Robbie continued. "When he walks towards you later, you look at him and you tell yourself that you've done fine." James has nothing to say except to look embarrassed and mutter thanks.Robbie claps him gently on the back and then speaks again.

"Thank you for showing me that Jim."

"No problem, you should have been there to see it." Robbie decides not to tell James off about his guilt again, he's made it as clear as he can that he's not upset or angry with the younger man.

"Come on. Rest of the day to be had." He says, tapping James' leg to make him shift out of the way.

 

**************************************************

 

In the end, he decides that taking Sam to the shops is a bad plan, since they might end up eating jelly beans for dinner if the youngster gets his way. Lewis suggests that he buys pizza bases and toppings and they make their own pizza. Hathaway wonders why he never thought of that. Its soon decided that James will go to the shop, and Robbie will go to pick up Sam, and they will make pizza's together that evening. The both realise the need to have Sam spend time with James and be reassured that he is still the same man.

 

Robbie pulls up outside the school gates and heads into the grounds, watching the stream of children pouring out of the doors. Sam spots him almost immediately and runs over, looking around a little, before taking Robbie's hand.

"Where's Daddy? You promised Unca Robbie." The accusing tone and the ridiculous pout are almost too hard not to laugh at.

"Aye kidda. Dad is at the shop getting something special for dinner. But he'll be back soon, maybe even before we are."

"So he not in the sleeping place now?"

"No Sam." The little boy smiles and then proceeds to describe his day to Robbie, full of excitement about the how he got to be a fire fighter at playtime.

 

**************************************************

 

When they return, James isn't back yet, but Robbie isn't unduly worried. The younger man is still in pain from his knee, whether he needs crutches or not. After getting changed out of his school uniform, into a t shirt and tracksuit bottoms, Sam insists that Robbie helps him to draw a fire engine.

"A really big one Unca Robbie, what fills the whole page. An' has all buttons on the side for the hose." Robbie agrees and they are nearly finished when they ear James' keys turn in the lock.

"DADDY!" Sam squeals and clambers down from the dining table, running down the hallway and peering through the letterbox.

"Daddy is that you?"

"Yeah its me little man. Stand back so I can open the door eh?" Sam thinks for a moment and then squints up through the letter box strip.

"How I know that you not been changed by'a sleeping people?" James stares down at the tiny pair of eyes, peering up suspiciously at him and bites back a laugh.

"If my brain had been changed to make me evil, would I have brought dinner?"

"Hmmm, a'pose not...I standing back." Once James opens the door, Sam throws himself at his father, before he has chance to put down the shopping bags. "I missed you Daddy. You not tuck me in and I wanted a hug, but you wasn't here and I scared your brain was being hurt." James deciphers the rushed speech and pulls Sam into a hug.

"I missed you too little man, lots and lots. My brain wasn't hurt Sammy, they were trying to fix the bad dreams."

"Did it work?"

"Not yet mate," There's no point in lying to the boy, James is aware that he'll probably have a nightmare tonight, and its not fair to have Sam believe he'll be fine, knowing the boy will proably hear his screams. "But they are going to send me to a person who I can talk to and they'll help me get rid of them." Put like that, it doesn't sound so bad.

"Okay...What we having for dinner?"

"Ah, you're going to love this."

 

An hour later (after finishing his fire engine drawing) Sam is stood on a chair, staring at the food laid out on the table. There is a bowl of grated cheese, a bowl with chopped pepperoni, a bowl with tomato sauce in, and another with ham. There's also some salad. Each of them have a pizza base in front of them and Sam looks up at Robbie.

"You making one too Unca Robbie?"

"Course I am. Never say no to pizza." James helps Sam to spread the tomato sauce on his base and the the decorating begins in earnest. The little boy decides that he wants to have the cheese in a pattern, and he carefully sprinkles it, tongue sticking out in concentration. He then asks James to help him write his name in pepperoni.

"What letters do you need then mate?"

"Um...a 'ss' and a 'ah' and a 'mm'"

"Good boy. Hows that then?" he adds, as he finishes off the word.

Sam agrees that it looks good and they all put their pizza's in the oven. During the 12 minutes they take to cook, Sam finishes off the salad and James feeds the cat.

 

They sit down to eat and its clear that the activity has made Sam more at ease. The pizzas taste fine and its no surprise when Sam asks if they can do it again another day.

 

**************************************************

 

Later on, James and Robbie both put Sam to bed, intending to hit the sack themselves afterwards. As the are getting Sa ready, Smokey walks in and jumps up onto the bed, making himself comfortable and falling asleep. The little kid curls himself into comfortable position and puts his thumb in his mouth. Robbie has just left the room and just as James is about to leave, Sam mumbles around his the digit.

"Are 'oo rea'y okay Daddy?" James smiles softly at his son, the words coming to him easily.

"I'm doing just fine Sammy. Go on, off to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

 

In the hallway, Robbie smiles to himself.

 

**************************************************

 

Of course, James 'doing just fine', doesn't mean that he's going to get any sleep. Half past five sees Robbie in his bedroom, rubbing his shoulder and talking gently to him as he shifts restlessly.

"Jim lad, its alright. You're dreaming again. Come on wake up. Or go back to sleep, whichever." James shift a bit more, but Robbie notices that its towards his voice.

"That's it. You listen to me kidda. I'll see you right." Although the younger man is curled up, his head turns in the direction that Robbie's voice is coming from, and Robbie runs a hand gently down his cheek, remembering again, the uncanny similarity to the way he sootheda his children.

"Good lad," He says as James' breathing evens out a little and his brow softens. "You're safe bonny lad. You get some well earned rest eh? G'night son." Robbie stays a few more minutes, just to make sure James has really gone back to sleep, and then e goes to the spare room, to get some much needed shut-eye for himself.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter. I should get the first part of the next story in the series up, in the next couple of days.

They settle into a routine fairly quickly. Robbie goes back home, and James goes back to work, his limp only slightly noticeable.

On Fridays, James has his counselling appointments, and Robbie comes to stay. It starts off just babysitting Sam, but the haunted look in James' eyes when he returns, convinces him to stay the night. The fact that James doesn't try to talk him out of it convinces him even further. It becomes regular, Every Friday afternoon, Robbie meets James and Sam at the school gates, and gets a lift back to James'. He watches Sam and feeds the boy while James is talking to the shrink, and then he distracts and feeds James himself when he returns. He stays over, and James gives him a lift home on Saturday morning. Or sometimes the evening, depending on how bad the counselling was. The first couple of sessions had been ok, but the third one had proved to be the breakthrough. The counsellor (Doctor Edith Williams) ad warned James that his dreams may plateau or even get worse before they got better. And she hadn't been wrong.

 

**********************************************

 

_"NO!" Robbie woke with a start. Instantly, he was out of bed. James had woken him up with a scared scream before, but not often with a word. Lewis was quickly in James' bedroom, watching as the man thrashes on the bed. It makes him nervous, James hasn't been that violently scared in his dreams for a fair while. The younger man is whimpering and whining a little, and he curls up. "Mum?"_

_"Jim lad, you're dreaming again, calm down." James pays no heed, as his nightmare carries on._

_"M-mum? W-wake up." James mutters anxiously. He rolls slightly and shakes the edge of the bed, as if trying to rouse someone. He sounds like a child and suddenly, Lewis understands what the man is dreaming about._

_"Oh kidda, no. Not that. Anything but that." He realises this time that just getting James back to sleep is not an option, he has to wake him up properly. The death of his mother is not something that the younger man needs to live through again. "Jim lad, its alright. Its not real mate...its not real." Hathaway curls on his side again, and his words get more frantic._

_"MUM!...Mum please? Wake up...what's...what's wrong?...Father!...Mum won't-" Suddenly, he curls up again, and keeps talking, desperation entering his voice. "NO! Its not my...was playing outside...father...didn't know...please" Robbie decides that enough is enough, he can't watch the man suffer any more. Taking hold of Hathaway's shoulders, he gives him a shake. To his horror, James whimpers and struggles to pull away, and Robbie knows that his father probably shook seven year old James in the same way at that moment._

_"I'm sorry kidda, but you need to wake up." He checks to see how likely it is that James has taken sleeping pills, but he cannot see the packet anywhere, so he assumes not. Another hard shake, and James wakes abruptly, eyes wide and wet. He tries to push Robbie away, mumbling about how it wasn't his fault and trying to shy away from the hands on his shoulders. Once he becomes aware that Robbie isn't his father, and that he's at his family home, not on Creavecour Estate, James sits up. He runs a shaky hand across his face, and it doesn't take a detective, or even an ex one, to see that his whole body is shaking. Robbie reaches out to put a hand on James' arm, and the small gesture of comfort seems to break down all of the ex-sergeants barriers. Before Robbie knows it, James is sobbing quietly. If Lewis had any doubts about how much the dream, hell the event, had affected him, they were swiftly dispelled._

_"Jesus, Hathaway." He breathes quietly, unsure how exactly to deal with the younger man's sorrow. In the end, he puts his arms around James and pulls him into a hug. James is still crying, but he's quiet with it. Robbie holds the younger man gently, trying to offer the comfort that James' own father should have given him when he was seven. "S'alright Jim. You're ok. You're back mate, back at home, your son's sleeping down the hall. All safe. I've got you lad."_

_Eventually, James' tears dry up, and that's when Robbie realises that they've been masking Sam's own cries._

_"Gotta see t'Sam" James mumbles and Robbie gently stops him._

_"I'll go lad. You're not going to be a very reassuring sight are ye now? I want you to try and get back to sleep Jim. I'll go and see him, and then I'll come back ok?" James nods, and Robbie can see the seven year old in him._

_"'Kay." Hathaway wriggles back into the covers, and curls up. Robbie is starting to recognise that as the position he takes up when he feels most vulnerable. He's starting to wonder if maybe James would prefer to be left alone, but he dismisses the thought. Even if he did, there's no way Lewis could have left him in the state he was just in._

 

_When he gets to Sam's room, the little boy is sitting up against his headboard, arms around his knees, and tears streaking down his face._

_"U-Unca Rob-iiiee" he sobs, letting go of his knees in order to crawl across the bed and hug Lewis' thighs._

_"Easy now bonny lad. It's all ok. Let me sit down eh?" Sam scoots over a little so that Robbie can sit on the bed next to him. Once Lewis has sat down, Sam clambers into his lap and curls up there, clinging onto the older man's pyjama shirt._

_"Where Daddy? I heared him crying. I scared. Where daddy?"_

_"Your Dad is safe Sammy boy. He had a really nasty dream that's all. It made him very scared and sad, but he's trying to get back to sleep now."_

_"Want Daddy"_

_"I know lad, but Dad's had a tough time of it tonight. We need to leave him to rest and calm down Sam. How about we go and get you some milk eh?" Sam nods sadly and Robbie picks him up, smiling sadly as he feels the little boys head settling on his shoulder. Sam is still hiccuping a little, and every now and then, a tiny sob escapes him. Robbie feels him straining to see into James' room, but Robbie had shut the door behind him. He knew James wouldn't have a problem with Sam seeing him, but he felt that James needed to be left on his own for a little while. Besides, the sound of his son crying will only make James feel worse._

 

_Once they get downstairs, he puts Sam on the sofa, and heads towards the kitchen. Almost as soon as he leaves the living room, Sam is up and following him._

_"Comin' wiv you Unca Robbie"_

_"Alright kidda. Come on then, sit at the table. I'll warm you up some milk."_

_"Milk not a'posed to be warm. That's why Daddy keeps it in the fridge."_

_"Well yeah...but you can warm it up if you want to." Sam sucks his thumb as he watches Robbie heating some milk in a saucepan. Once he's done, Robbie brings it over to Sam in a mug, after adding a little cold water._

_"Where you learn this Unca Robbie?" Sam asks as he takes a small sip._

_"My Mum made it for me when I was a little boy."_

_"S'nice. Warm in my tummy." Sam looks up at him, as he pushes the mug away. "Daddy gon' be ok Unca Robbie?"_

_"Of course he will Sammy, he's got us. It might just take a little while, that's all." A few minutes after he says that, James appears at the door. He still looks like he's been crying, though he's clearly made some sort of effort to clean up his face._

_"Daddy! You feel better now?"_

_"Yeah, I do a bit Sam." Robbie only has to look at him to know that's utter bullshit. James doesn't feel any better than he did when he first woke up, he's just pulled him self together well enough to hide it. And Robbie doesn't doubt that it would take very little for it all to come crashing down again. He glances at his watch. Its been half an hour since James woke up, the man clearly couldn't get back to sleep._

_Robbie pours him a mug of warm milk, and refills Sam's. James raises his eyebrow, but nonetheless, he drinks it. Once he puts the mug down, Sam walks over to him and tugs on his hand._

_"You need a hug Daddy" Unsure if its a statement or a question, James nods at his son and pulling the little boy onto his lap. His eyes are watering again, but he blinks it away as Sam puts his arms around James' chest. The child pushes himself up and plants a tiny kiss on James' cheek, snuggling into him._

_"It'll be ok Daddy. The thetra...theparist...talking lady will fix it and then me and uncle Robbie will finish the fixing."_

_"Thank you Sammy. What would I do without my little boy eh?"_

_"I'm nearly five Daddy." James chuckles a little._

_"Ah, you'll always be my little boy."_

_"Even when I a hundred and five?"_

_"Even then" James agrees. Sam yawns and Hathaway stands, holding his son in his arms. "Come on little man, I think you need to go back to bed."_

_"You be ok?"_

_"I'll be ok" James affirms. Sam scowls at him and then turns to Lewis._

_"You look af'er my Daddy Unca Robbie"_

_"I will Sammy boy. Come on, off to bed with you."_

 

_Sam is put to bed, although he takes a bit of cajoling to go back to sleep. Robbie is waiting in the hallway when James comes out._

_"You too kidda" He sees James' reluctance and continues. "I know you don't want to go back to sleep mate. I get that, I certainly wouldn't. Now I'm no therapist, but I think you're over the worst of it now."_

_"Over the...It was might fault, back then...it was all my fault."_

_"Jim, you were nought but a bairn. How can it have been your fault lad?"_

_"It just was" Robbie sighs, it clear that James has blamed himself for this for thirty-six years._

_"This right here kid, is the root of your problems."_

_"Who made you a fucking psychologist?" As soon as he's said it, James hands his head. "No, I'm sorry, I just-"_

_"-Get defensive about anything to do with your past. James that needs to stop lad."_

_"These fragments I have shored against my ruin." Robbie just knows that's a quote from some scholar or author or someone._

_"Who said that?"_

_"T.S Elliot." James tells him, and Robbie groans. Trust the boy to deflect with someone else's words. Well..._

_"Two can play at that game"_

_"Eh?"_

_"The past can't hurt you any more, not unless you let it....Alan Moore, V For Vendetta" he adds at James' raised eyebrow. Then his tone softens, and he thinks that his expression probably does too. "you need to let go of this kid. Either tell me or tell your therapist, because you can't keep living with this James." James nods dejectedly._

_"I know I just-"_

_"-Let me go make us a cuppa. You go back to bed, and if you're not asleep before I'm back, we can talk yeah? If you want to."_

 

_When Robbie returns with the tea ( if James notices that his is milky and has at least one more sugar in it than normal, he doesn't comment.), he sits on the chair next to the bed and waits for James to start speaking. It takes the younger man a little while, but he does eventually start._

_"Told you my Mum died when I was seven, didn't I" Robbie nods, not wanting to talk for the fear that if he stops James speaking, the lad won't carry on. "I was only just seven, Dad was off on the estate I think. I dunno, he didn't tell me, and I didn't ask."_

_"You really didn't get on with him did you?" James shakes his head._

_"Nope. I don't think he ever wanted kids. When I came along, all he was ever concerned with was what I was achieving; the grades I was getting and stuff.” The younger man chuckles bitterly. "You know, I don't think he once came to check on me after I'd had a nightmare. He must have heard it, at least at first; I was screaming the house down." Robbie glances at the younger man. James' jaw is working but he doesn't look that angry. He looks sad and dejected. Apart from his mother, and later Chrissy and of course Sam, Robbie doesn't think that James' life has been filled with much love and affection._

 

_An hour and forty minutes later, and Robbie has learned everything James can remember about the night his mother died. He knows that James had been playing outside with Paul and the Danver sisters when Mrs Hathaway had collapsed. The boy had come back in to find his mother on the floor, and not breathing. James had panicked too much to think of calling an ambulance, instead shaking his mother to try and wake her up. His father had walked in on this attempt and had instantly called the paramedics. But instead of comforting and consoling his boy, he'd blamed him for not doing something to help, for not being there._

_Robbie had felt his anger boiling over as James had told him all this. A father should comfort his children, should protect them. All Hathaway senior had done when he'd come across his son crying by his mother's dead body, was to tell him how he'd failed. Lewis suspected that this went a long way to explaining a bit about why Hathaway is like he is. He recalls the case with Donald Voss and Elmo Woodeson again. James had read Elmo's essay and come across the name of an Irish Prince that he didn't know, (which had later turned out to be something completely different.) Robbie had put James' annoyance down to the fact that the case was going no-where and he was letting out in frustration about some obscure name. But the more he thought about it now (and wasn't hindsight great for that), the more James had seemed to be genuinely distressed that he didn't know. Robbie tried to calm himself down, it was no good making James feel worse than he did, Robbie couldn't be entirely sure James wouldn't blame himself. And that was the saddest thing. Hathaway senior had a lot to answer for. One look at his son proves that. So instead of unleashing how he feels about the sorry excuse for a father James had, he asks the most pressing question._

_"Jim lad, you do understand that it wasn't your fault don't you?" James looks away from him and Robbie's heart sinks._

_"I-I know that technically it wasn't my fault. I didn't have control over Mum's heart, I couldn't have stopped it from going wrong."_

_"That's not what I asked bonny lad."_

_"...I...I should have come in earlier, I should have called the ambulance, its not like I didn't know the number. Maybe I should have done CPR or something, if I'd just been better-"_

_"Stop right there kidda. James, you aren't to blame for it. Its just one of those things that happens mate. Now I'm sad it had to happen to you so young, but there wasn't anything you could have done." James hangs his head and lets out a bitter chuckle._

_"Thank you for trying Robbie. But what if my father was right?"_

_"James! I don't doubt your father was right about some things, but when it comes to how he raised you..."_

_"He told me I should have been there, and he was right. I should have been with her at least. If I couldn't save her, I should have been with her. If I'd been a good son, I would have been."_

_"Jim..."_

_"How long d'you think she was there Robbie? I mean, ten minutes? An hour? Knowing that I was outside, oblivious, knowing that father wouldn't be back for another hour or so. She was alone. And so was Chrissy and I should have saved both of them."_

_"James kidda" Robbie starts, and he's having to fight the threatening tears hard, even as James gives in to them. "You were a little boy when your Mum died. You didn't know first aid, you were terrified and you didn't know what to do. That is not your fault. Its not your fault that you were a child James alright?" James nods slowly. Its clear that there's something else on his mind though. "What's wrong James?"_

_"I had a shit relationship with the man that provided half my genetic information." Robbie blinks. That's a interesting way of putting it._

_"Your point being?"_

_"What if part of that shit-ness is genetic? I hated my father by the time I was 12. What if Sam grows up and-"_

_"-Don't be stupid James, it doesn't suit you." He can tell from the way that James is wording things that the man is getting tired, and he needs to get back to sleep soon, if he's going to be any use tomorrow. "Why would Sam ever hate you?"_

_"When he gets older there are going to be questions about Chrissy. He's going to want to know what happened, and I owe it to him to tell him the truth. How bad is it going to look? 'I was a policeman and I couldn't protect one of the most precious things in my life.' He'll hate me for-"_

_"You're not talking sense kidda. He's a bright kid and when you feel its right to tell him, he'll understand that you were at work at the time, and you couldn't. Have. Known. What. Would. Happen." Robbie says, accentuating each word with a poke at James' upper arm._

_"But-" Lewis gets an idea of what is bothering James and continues, determined to put the matter to rest._

_"You are nothing like your father James. I've seen you with Sam, and you are the most loving, supportive father that I know. You've never made that boy think he's not good enough, you've never made him feel stupid. He adores you, kid. That boy is never going to hate you." James sniffs and looks away, but Robbie knows he's taken all that on board._

_"Thank you" The younger man says quietly._

_"No problem, someone had to drum the truth into that thick skull of yours," He says cheerfully. His voice softens as he regards his friend. "Come on bonny lad, you need to go back to bed."_

 

_When James finally got back to bed (and Lewis suspected that he was trying to put it off for as long as he could), it was clear that sleep wasn't going to be easy._

_Lewis watched, as every time James' eyes closed, he jerked alert ten seconds later. His eyelids would droop, as he could no longer keep them apart, and then ten seconds later, they'd snap open. Then the whole thing would start again. This went on for ten minutes, with James getting increasingly restless, but never quite becoming fully conscious. However, when the next time James woke, was accompanied by a bitten off "Mum!", Robbie woke him up properly again._

_"S'alright kidda," he said, as James turned over to face him, his eyes already starting to close._

_"Can't sleep" he mutters, a hint of frustration colouring his voice._

_"I noticed mate." Robbie says. "Just try again eh?" James nods and tries to get comfortable once more. After a few minutes he speaks softly._

_"I can't watch it again. Just can't."_

_"Jim lad" Robbie starts, but quickly stops, aware that nothing he can say is really going to work. Its perfectly reasonable that James doesn't want to have that dream again._

_So he puts a hand on James' back, rubbing small circles on it, trying to offer some comfort to the younger man. Just before he falls asleep, James wriggles further into the covers and mumbles quietly._

_"I hope Lyn an' Ken know 'ow 'lucky th'are" He sounds exactly like the seven year old child he once was and Robbie's heart breaks for him. He doesn't reply though. Not only because James is finally asleep and Robbie is doing nothing to mess that up, but also because he has no idea what to say._

_Lewis stays there for another half an hour, and then, when James shows no signs of waking, he goes to bed himself._

 

**********************************************

 

Thankfully, four months after that long night, it seemed that everything was looking up. James' nightmares had significantly dropped in frequency, and they weren't nearly as horrific. He was still going to therapy sessions, although now it was working, he was a lot less rebellious about the notion. Robbie hadn't managed to get him to admit that he had indeed needed therapy all along, and that it was his own stubbornness that caused some of the problem, but he doesn't need to. He knows James is aware of this.

It does the older man's heart good to see James looking happier though. The younger man isn't really acting any different, but Robbie can see the subtle changes in him. He holds himself straighter and taller, no longer looking like he's trying to shield himself from the entire world. James smiles more freely, and his laugh isn't as rare as it once was. It brings home to Robbie though, just how much his friend was suffering. He'd had no idea how little sleep the younger man had been getting when they worked together. He couldn't understand how he'd missed James' nightmares some how, considering how much James had slept on his sofa. If he'd ever asked James, he'd have replied that Robbie's flat felt safe.

 

Of course, James still had the odd nightmare, he even still had the odd panic attack. But he was on strict instructions to let Robbie know. And he had done, phoning the morning after some of his more disturbing dreams. James had quickly learned that if he didn't mention it, Sam would when he saw Robbie. Mostly though, James did tell him. He was fairly sure that he owed his sanity to Robbie Lewis, and the at the very least, Robbie deserved honesty from him.

 

Robbie had phoned the week before, and told him of an outdoor fair that was being held in the Botanical Gardens. There would be stuff for kids to do and it promised to be a good day. James had looked it up and been dismayed to find that he was working, even though it was a Saturday.

"Well, what were you gonna do with Sam for the day?"

"The school said I could bring him in with me if it was necessary. He'll be happy enough reading some of the picture books while I'm sorting them out."

"Ah that's no good kidda. I'll have him for the day and take him to the Gardens"

"If you're sure...He'll love it."

"Course I'm sure daft lad, I wouldn't have offered else would I? When do you get home?"

"Sometime between four and five. I'll have to go home and feed Smokey first though, poor little bugger will have been left on his own all day. Why?"

"That's great. You come round to mine when you're done, and we can order a pizza or something, and then go to the fireworks."

"Fireworks?"

"Keep up Jim, I thought you said you'd read the leaflet. There's a fireworks display in the evening. Does Sam like fireworks?"

"He does on telly. Chrissy was scared of them, I don't think he's seen any first hand."

"That's settled then, your lad's got to experience fireworks. You don't mind them do you?"

"Me? Nah, I love them, always have." James hears Robbie chuckle quietly.

"Alright then, you big kid. Pizza and fireworks on Saturday it is." A grin breaks out unbidden on James' face.

"Thanks for taking Sam. See you Saturday."

 

**********************************************

 

Robbie opens the front door, and Sam runs in, the balloon tied to his wrist almost hitting Lewis in the face on its way past.

"Can we cut the balloon off Unca Robbie? I wanna see it go up to the ceiling." Robbie smiles at him.

"Come on then, scissors are in the kitchen bonny lad. You'll have to stay still though Sammy, or I might cut your arm off." Sam laughs as he follows Robbie.

"I think Daddy would be very angry with you Unca Robbie. I think he'd hit you with the biggest lib'ry book he had."

"Lets try it shall we," Robbie says, grinning, and Sam squeals happily, running away from him, to the kitchen and climbing up onto one of the chairs.

"NOOOOOOO! You have ta p'omise you not gonna cut my arm off Unca Robbie. I need my arm for being a fireman."

"I promise Sammy, Come on, over here." Once Robbie has carefully cut the helium balloon free of the little boy's wrist, Sam watches it float up and smiles. Then he turns to Robbie and cocks his head.

"I'm five now Unca Robbie. I stronger and I would get the scissors of you and then you have to run away or I cut off _your_ arm." Robbie ruffled Sam's hair and took his hand as he jumped to the chair.

"Ah, I forgot you're a big boy now Sammy. Sorry." Robbie remembered how important his own kids had felt when they turned five, as Sam had done a month previously. Not that it was easy to truly forget that Sam was growing up, he was already tall for his age, and definitely still growing. "Let's go and look at what pizza's there are on the leaflet eh? So we know what we want later."

 

James rang the doorbell at twenty-five minutes past four and Sam had been eager to tell him all about his day.

"We went in a place with all these mirrors Daddy, an' some made you look tall like you was a tree and there was one that made me and Unca Robbie all wiggly like a snake. And then I went on the bouncy castle...but Unca Robbie didn't 'cos he said he was too old for such things. Daddy, tell Unca Robbie that you never too old for a bouncy castle." James had to stifle a laugh at the image in his mind of Robbie on a bouncy castle, but in the end he did take Robbie's side.

"There comes a point in every ones life where they get to old for a bouncy castle Sammy. All that bouncing, bad for old joints like me and Uncle Robbie have."

"You not old Daddy."

"Well maybe not," James said, looking smugly at Lewis, who shot him an exasperated look. _Alright young'un._ "But Daddy's knee is old isn't it?"

"I thought it was broke. How did it get older than the rest of you?" Sam asks, confusion on his features. To save James the inevitable frustration of trying to explain that comment to Sam, Robbie mentions something that is bound to appeal to the five year old. It is half past five after all.

"I think its pizza time don't you?"

"Yeah! Can I have one with pepperoni on it please, like on the leaflet?"

"Course you can Sammy"

 

After they've eaten, Sam falls asleep. The adults leave him to nap, after all, its mid June, and it doesn't get dark until gone nine pm, so its going to be a late night for the little boy.

"Thanks for taking him today Robbie, he'd have been bored stiff at the library all day. Hell, I was bored stiff."

"I've told you James, its never any trouble to look after him. I enjoyed it."

"Thank you anyway. And you do realise that I'm paying for that pizza don't you?"

"James..."

"Robbie?" Lewis sighed and waved a hand. He knew better than to try and insist; James still went on about the fact that Robbie wouldn't let him pay for the time he'd looked after both the Hathaway's for five weeks. It was just over a year ago now, and the man still wouldn't let it go.

"If you have to."

"Yes...I do."

 

**********************************************

 

Two hours later, Sam was awake and the three of them were sitting in the car, on the way to the botanical gardens.

 

They managed to find a parking space with surprising ease and Robbie tooled the car into the spot quickly before it was snatched up by someone else. James grabbed a rucksack out of the boot. Since having a child James had quickly learned of the merits of carrying a bag around with him. He never realised until Sam was born, exactly how much stuff his son needed; a bottle of juice, wet wipes, a coat that Sam refuses to wear until he gets cold.

As they walk towards the space by the river, Sam is getting more and more excited.  
"Daddy! What if we can't see a fireworks?"  
"They'll be in the sky Sammy, you'll be able to see them."  
"But what if I _can't_ see daddy?" James steals a look at Robbie and smiles.  
"Tell you what, you can sit on my shoulders. How's that little man?" This placates Sam and he walks quicker, trying to drag James with him.

They reach a good spot, and Robbie unfolds the camping chair he'd dug out. He'd offered to bring James one as well, concerned about the younger man's knee, but James had shrugged him off, insisting he'd be fine. Apparently, you needed to stand up to watch fireworks. Robbie smiled to himself. He wasn't sure which one of the two Hathaway's was more excited.

As darkness began to fall, the atmosphere changed totally in the Botanical Gardens. It had previously been a relaxed and nonchalant atmosphere, but now it was charged with anticipation, from kids and adults alike.

"When's it gonna start Daddy?" James had just been about to answer, when a slow thrum of music has started and Sam had come to his own conclusions. "Daddy! Its starting, can you pick me up?" James grinned and pulled Sam up to sit on his shoulders. The little boy waved at Lewis and grinned happily.

"Hi Unca Robbie, you look like an ant."

"Charmin'" muttered Robbie, but he couldn't keep it going. "Can you see from up there Sammy?"

"Yeah! LOOK DADDY! I can see the firework boat!" And old lady nearby smiled at James, as she listened to Sam's enthusiasm. Suddenly there was a high pitched whine as a rocket flew into the air, followed by another, and then another. James felt Sam's legs tense around him and for a moment, he though Sam was going to be scared by it all. He needn't have worried, as soon as the rockets exploded, Sam was kicking his legs in excitement. In truth, the adrenaline coursing through James stopped him from realising that his son was kicking his shoulders.

"What do you think Sammy?" he asked as the sky lit up to the tune of _Mission Impossible._

"Pretty. Its like colourful fire in the sky." he answer, voice full of wonder.

"It is isn't it?"

"Ooooh" Sam breathed as a fountain started, spilling fire into the sky. "Look Unca Robbie," he whispered. Robbie had stood up now, standing next to James – although not close enough for Sam to accidentally kick him.

"Its beautiful bonny lad."

Of course, the finale was almost painfully loud, a barrage of coloured lights and almost constant explosions. Nearby a small child was crying, overwhelmed by the noise. Sam however, was still on James' shoulders, not taking his eyes of the spectacle for a second, mouth slightly open in awe. Robbie smiled softly as he saw the same expression mirrored on James' face.

 

The display ends and James looks up, to see Sam peering down at him.

"That good little man?"

"Yeah. It...it was the best thing Daddy. Can I make a firework at home?"

"Er..." falters James, before seeing a woman heading towards them clutching a handful of sparklers. "No, but you can hold one if you want."

"Really?" Sam's eyes widen even as Robbie catches what James means and goes over to buy a sparkler from the woman. He hands it to Sam and then the woman crouches down to Sam and smiles at him.

"Have you ever held a sparkler before?" Sam shakes his head mutely, looking up at James for reassurance. James smiles and crouches to Sam's level as well. He puts his hand over Sam's and covers it snugly. The woman continues talking; "Well, you'll love this then. Just make sure you don't touch the spark ok?" A mute nod and she lights Sam's sparkler. He looks up at James, eyes dancing and James smiles back at him.

"Come on Sammy, lets try and write your name before it runs out eh?" They just about manage it and Sam claps his hands, laughing. James puts him back on his shoulders after thanking the woman, and they head back to the car.

 

Sam is full of beans on the journey back, excitedly talking about all the fireworks they saw and imitating them with his hands. By the time they get back to Robbie house however, he's starting to wilt. Its unsurprising, its half past ten after all. As they go through the front door, Sam is almost asleep on James' shoulder and Robbie taps the younger man.

"Stay here tonight Jim. You don't have to go to work tomorrow do you?" James shook his head, careful not to dislodge his son. "Hang on a minute, I'll make the spare room up."

"No don't worry Robbie, we'll be fine on the sofa, doesn't make sense to put sheets on the bed for one night. We'll be fine with a pillow and a blanket on the sofa."

"If you're sure lad?" James nods and Robbie goes to get the aforementioned blankets and pillows.

 

When he returns, James and Sam are both sound asleep on the sofa. Sam is curled against James, one hand by his mouth to suck on his thumb, and one arm slung around James' waist. James has one hand covering Sam's smaller one and the other arm around his son's shoulders. Robbie watches them for a moment, before draping the blanket over the both of them gently. He walks quietly into the hall, and pulls Fluffy from the little bag that Sam had brought with him that morning. He tucked it by the child's face and Sam snuffled, burying his face in it.

"G'night bonny lad." Robbie whispered, once he was sure Sam was going to stay asleep. James shifted a little, as he felt Sam moving, but it wasn't enough to wake him up. The ex sergeant smiled softly in his sleep, emitting a contented little sigh. Robbie watched this fondly, before pulling the blanket up to James' shoulders, where it had moved where he shifted. He gently squeezed the younger man's shoulder.

"Told you we'd get you sorted didn't I?" He says, not expecting an answer. "Sleep well son."


End file.
